Facing Narcissism And Finding Peace

Some weeks demand more honesty than polish. I share the heaviness of caring for Chanel as Cushing’s disease reshapes our days, and I open up about recognizing narcissistic patterns that have touched my life and the lives of people I love. Not the hashtag kind—the kind that leaves you doubting your memory, apologizing for your feelings, and starving for accountability that never seems to come.

We walk through the telltale signs: gaslighting, minimizing, blame-shifting, public charm with private contempt, and the half-apology that slices instead of heals. I talk about what finally helped—therapy, prayer, and grounded self-care—and why boundaries are an act of love for your future self. If you’re planning to leave, you’ll hear practical steps for making it safe and sustainable. If you have to stay in contact, we get into parallel communication, emotional distance, and reclaiming your time. Most of all, we sit with the truth that empathy cannot be negotiated into existence, and that protecting your peace is not petty. It’s essential.

To balance the weight, we end with a spark of delight: Halloween as permission to play. Try on a character, sing, laugh, and remember that joy repairs what stress erodes. I offer shoutouts to our loyal supporters, invite your stories about healing from manipulation, and show you exactly how to leave feedback or become a sponsor so this community keeps growing. If this conversation hits close to home, press play, share it with someone who needs a brave friend, and tell me: what boundary changed your life? 

REMEMBER to Subscribe, leave a review, and join the thread—your voice might be the lifeline someone else needs! Like, Share, & Comment it helps the algorithm.#narcissist#narcissism#elkevateyourlife#pleaseshare#helpmegrow#foryourpage#fyp

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Emotional Check-In
• 2:00 Life Changes And Caring For Chanel
• 6:20 Therapy, Faith, And Self-Work
• 10:28 Naming Narcissism And Its Impact
• 15:45 Tactics: Gaslighting, Minimizing, Blame-Shifting
• 21:00 Boundaries, Detachment, And Listener Stories
• 26:20 Leaving The Cycle And Healing Forward

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Oh chicka wow wow What's up party people? Welcome to another episode of LT Vate Your Life. I am your hostess with the most design L and key is in the key to your heart. Uh sorry if you hear me getting a little bit emotional. It just came over me. Um welcome to Mindful Monday. Thank you all for tuning in. Apologies that I wasn't here last week. Anyway, before I forget, let me make sure to acknowledge some of my loyal listeners by saying happy Diwali to my loyal listeners out there from Fallon Middle School or their parents. Want to make sure to acknowledge that today is the actual day of celebrating Diwali. Uh, yesterday and today they celebrate that. Um I was coming in today, not so first of all, I was saying sorry I wasn't here last week. Um listeners, I'm just gonna be honest. Uh Elkie from Elkie Vate Your Life is going through some life changes and challenges, and I am doing my best to learn how to navigate through those changes and challenges. And so it's been really hard to show up for my loyal listeners because of these roller coaster of emotions. Uh, just to give you a little bit of insight, my dog of twelve plus years, Chanel, my co-host, who's laying on my legs right now, uh was diagnosed with Cushing's disease, and I'm literally watching her health decline before my eyes. Uh I'm trying not to get emotional, but you know, I am human. Uh so any of you animal lovers out there, if you know anything about Cushing's disease, it affects their mobility. And so what I've been witnessing is my dog's legs will randomly give out. She will just fall flat on her belly. Um, it from an outsider looking at it, it appears to look like a seizure. There's a lot of blinking happening, and their limbs give out, and that has been really hard to see and watch. Uh, but also just discovering some people in my circle and unhealthy behaviors and patterns and differences in communication styles and learning how to navigate through those murky waters. Uh, I talked about emotional manipulation and what has come up in working with the therapist and self-reflection and reading, researching, looking inward, intermittent fasting, you name it. I have just discovered other unhealthy behaviors that have impacted me in a negative way, and I am still learning how to navigate through that. And before you place judgment, I just want to make you aware that I am in therapy. I do go to church, I read books, self-help books. I've worked on my inner child, so I'm not pulling this out of the air or out of my butt. Uh, these are all of things that I have confirmed in my therapy, in my experiences, in my learning and unveiling and revealing prayer, etc. And it has not been easy to show up because while I want to come on here and talk about mindful Monday and wisdom wellness Wednesday, I have these things that are prevalent in my life, and I cannot ignore them. I of course am doing all the things I can to work on myself. Take care of my dog, take care of my own health, work out at the gym, meditate, um, you know, read self-help books, reflect, self-reflect, talk to my therapist, all of those things. But it is not something that happens as quickly as one would like, right? So the other topic that keeps coming up is narcissist and narcissism. And it's interesting in my conversations with others, some people have are of the opinion, oh, everyone's a narcissist because that term is used so loosely in today's day and age on social media or whatever. Uh, I don't believe that to be true. I don't believe that everyone is a narcissist. And uh I'm just I'm I'm really having a hard time processing my own reality and how these behaviors affect me, impact me, despite the fact that I am doing all of the necessary things that I can within my power at this moment and time to not be personally affected. And so I just want to share a little bit about it. If you've never been in any kind of a relationship with a narcissist, be that romantically or because you have one as a family member, consider yourself fortunate. Narcissism is one of the most toxic personality traits a person can have and can do untold damage to the people around them. Their lives revolve around their own wants and needs, and how much other people love them, and how best to manipulate other people to get their own way. And you guys are gonna hear me getting emotional talking about it because it has personally affected me and other people that are close to me, and so it's hard not to get emotional when it's impacted me personally as well as people that are close to me. So I feel like I'm still in denial when I think about it or read it or talk about it. But I have to remind myself because it is something that I I am personally affected by, and some people that are close to me are personally affected by. And one of them is that, you know, they don't give a crap about how you feel, just so you know. Narcissists will hurt and damage the people that are closest to them more than they'll ever realize. And the worst part is they don't, they don't care. They can't. They're literally incapable of giving a crap about what kind of pain they're causing to their supposed loved ones. So unless those close to them take action to distance themselves, the cycle of abuse and pain will go on forever. Those who choose to stay might as well get used to the idea that they're not allowed to express their own emotions. They have to walk on eggshells to keep the narcissist happy and thus refrain from attacking them somehow. After all, if you say they hurt you, they'll turn around and make you feel like a bad person for upsetting them by saying so. So obviously, I'm not gonna reveal who, you know, who I know that's personally being affected or that's, you know, personally exposing me to these behaviors. Let's just say I am personally affected by people that are close to me and just personally affected. So the other thing is they're not interested in your problems. Telling them about things that are bothering you, hurting you in your personal life, they just get shrugged off and ignored. They just immediately launch into a diatribe about all the crappy things they're dealing with. Your problems are boring. If the subject doesn't involve them or revolve around them, then why the hell are you even talking? This isn't a person you can go to for comfort or reassurance about anything. Are you worried about a health crisis? Oh my god, there's slight scratches, so painful and so much worse than anything you're dealing with. Bad breakup? Did they tell you about the horrible date they had last week? Everything is about them all the time. So if you're gonna socialize with them at all, you might as well just get used to that and play along. Apologize for anything. If you corner a narcissist and you force them to acknowledge that they did something horrible towards you, don't expect them to apologize. Their first instinct will be to gaslight you, try and make you believe that you're crazy and remembering things wrong so that they're they are absolved of all the blame. If their gaslighting doesn't work, they'll go on the defensive and try to redirect the conversation to something you've done wrong. If by some absolute miracle you don't, you do get an apology, it'll be half-assed, bitchy, and insincere. Think along the lines of, I'm sorry, okay, now will you shut up? Or I'm sorry you're so sensitive and you took everything the wrong way. Remember, they never do anything wrong. They're perfect and wonderful. And if you have an issue with something they've done, then that's all on you. So I want to pause here and just ask any of my listeners have any of you experienced any of these things? Have you had a narcissistic friend, family member, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, fiance, husband, wife, partner, anything? And if you have, what was your experience? Or what is your experience? Anyway, number four, make you feel good about yourself. Narcissists tend to try and make themselves shine by putting others down, especially in a public setting. They'll often befriend those they think are less attractive than they are so that they're the center of attention everywhere they go, and they'll make snide passive-aggressive remarks to their so-called friends. This belittling makes them feel powerful, as there are a few things a narcissist dislikes more than being anywhere but at the top of the pyramid. While out for a meal, a narcissist may comment on a companion's meal choice, asking if they really need quite so many calories, considering how snug their clothes are. Or when surrounded by a group, they might grab an object belonging to one of their friends and inform them that they're borrowing it, knowing that that person will feel uncomfortable objecting without seeming like an ass. If the person gets upset, the narcissist will roll their eyes and accuse them of being oversensitive and uh, it was just a joke. What the hell? Be accountable for their own actions because nothing is ever their fault. Ever, remember? Any situation they're involved in that has gone to hell is someone else's wrongdoing, not theirs. The past relationships that have failed miserably, well, that's because they dated horrible people who truly never loved or appreciated them. Something went badly at work, it's because the coworkers are incompetent imbeciles. Forgot to attend an important parent-teacher meeting? Well, you should have reminded them. You can't expect them to remember everything, can you? Narcissists cannot, will not take responsibility for any wrongdoing. Because in their minds, they didn't do anything wrong. They're the ideal person, ideal worker, perfect partner, spouse. So if anything in their lives goes badly, it's literally everyone else's fault in the world except their own. Anyway, you guys get the idea. I don't want to beat a dead horse, but let's just say I have been experiencing this behavior and not just personally, but someone that I am personally close with is was subjected to this as well. So I thought it important that I touch on some of these topics for your sake out there. I hope none of you have, but if you have, I would love to hear how do you handle it, how did you handle it, and if you were in a relationship with this person, how did you leave? And what did that look like after? Because for those of us who have experienced this, you know they're gonna come out squeaky clean and you will come out the dirty I will use the peanuts character reference, you will be pig pen. Right? So I would love to hear everyone's thoughts, opinions. And if you've experienced this. And how did you handle it? There's a lot more I could read, appreciate what you do for them. If you're romantically involved with a narcissist, you brave, misguided soul, and you make plans to take them out for dinner, have flowers delivered to the table, pick out a gorgeous wine, and so on, be prepared to be disappointed. Instead of showing any measure of gratitude, they'll complain they would have preferred another restaurant, the flowers aren't their favorites, and you should have ordered a Pinot Noir instead of a Malbec. If they do gush about something you've given them when they don't really like it, you'll be able to tell that they're obviously faking it, and you can rest assured that they will ask you for something else they want within about three hours. Love you? Not really. They can feel some things, but their love towards you will only revolve around what you can do for them and how you make them feel. If they do behave as though they love you, then it's for other people's benefit. So they'll be amazed and impressed by your partner's selflessness and devotion. As soon as their audience is gone, their attention and affection will disappear as well, and they'll go back to being their obnoxious, self-absorbed selves behind closed doors. Anyway, that's what I've been hearing from, like I said, someone close to me, that they were enduring. I have been a shoulder to lean on, someone to cry on, etc. But I also have per been personally impacted and affected by this sort of behavior. Wasn't even aware that this was the behavior, as I said, until working through it with therapy and prayer and self-help books and looking at your inner child of the past and all of the things that I recommend all of my listeners to do. So let's end on a more positive note, shall we? Halloween is just around the corner. What is everybody doing for Halloween? Are you the kind of person that stays home and passes out candy and dresses up and gives your visitors a fright? Or are you the type of person that loves to guest dressed up, go out and be in character, like myself? The one thing I enjoy about Halloween is it's the one time you can be whoever you want and get away with it. That's kind of what I always always appreciated about Halloween. Like if you're shy, you could get dressed up and be the devil, for example, and just go out and be, you know, facetious and witty and charming and a little bit devilish and daring. And yeah, you can just let a different side of you come out if you can be so bold. Or maybe you don't get to be sexy at your workplace or in your day-to-day norm. And so you do get to be for Halloween. Personally, because I love to sing and act and be in character and all of those fun things, I enjoy picking a costume where I can let my other side come out. So, yeah, I would love to hear what are your Halloween traditions? What do they look like? What do you like to dress up as? Do you like to go out or stay in? Do you like to be the one that stays in and passes out candy and sees all the cute kids and all their creative costumes and see the joy on your face, their face when they come and get candy from your door? I will look forward to the feedback, but before I bid you adieu, I want to say thank you to all my loyal subscribers. Kyle Few, Commitment to Love, Love is a Verb. You can find it on Amazon Audible. Thank you, Kyle Few, for believing in me and encouraging me. I can't wait to hear what you're gonna say about this episode. Honestly, I'm a little bit nervous what you will say. Uh, let's see. Roger. Roger, thank you for being a loyal subscriber and being diligent about leaving me feedback about your take on the episode and your feelings on the matter and sharing your comments. I appreciate that. Kyle, I know you're not always consistent with it unless I ask you. So feel free to share your thoughts, ideas, insights, opinions. And I promise to put on my crab shell as to not be too sensitive in reading your feedback. Love my artist.com, Kara, the talented Kara, who has a great Etsy page, musical options, anniversary, proposal, asking someone to be your best man or maid of honor, uh just special occasions. She puts together these lovely videos of pictures or memories, and it's like a montage tribute for whatever the occasion. So that's lovemyartist.etsy dot com. All of these people that I'm talking about, you can usually find the links in the podcast description. Moving right along, Mike Kaufman, the water guy. Thank you for being a loyal subscriber. Jeff Pada Namaste. I don't know if you listen to everyone, but I would appreciate your feedback on this topic. I'm sure you will have some insight to share. And hopefully you can put it in the actual page. So, guys, I tell you this that the way that you can comment is in the actual podcast, it will say text in your feedback or text your comments, or and it's literally like if you're on social media, there are places where you click the thumb to thumbs up it, to like it, and then there is a little message box that you click on that allows you to fill in the comments. For you oldies out there that don't know how to navigate these things. You can Google it, you can YouTube it, you can ask someone that is more tech savvy so that you can share your feedback. Worst case, when I posted on my social media, you can comment in there. I really enjoyed this episode and this topic, and this was my experience. Uh, at least if you guys could like it, I'd appreciate it. I don't know what's happening with YouTube, but I see that people are liking my stuff, and maybe it has to be a certain number in order for it to reflect because I feel like I haven't seen that much growth for all the people that tell me, yeah, I liked it. I commented. I feel like the number is taking a while to grow and change. Let's see. Mike Kaufman, Roger, Kara, Jeff Para. I'm forgetting someone. Kyle Few. Is that everybody? I feel like when I finish saying thank you to everybody, I'm like, oh, I forgot to say thank you to this person. But maybe that's it. If you would like to become a subscriber andor a sponsor, thank you so much. I would appreciate that greatly. It's as little as a cup of coffee and as much as a happy meal. And again, the link is in the podcast description. You simply click on it and it will allow you to choose$3,$5,$8,$10. And that money helps to go towards production cost, editing, equipment, you know, basically helping me grow and become more successful. So, Lisa Roberts Corbello. I knew I was forgetting something something, someone. Lisa Roberts Corbello, thank you for being a loyal subscriber. I appreciate you. I know you don't always have the ability to listen. I'm looking forward to coming to your birthday. It's right around the corner. Looking forward to it. Shout out to my Libras. Happy birthday, happy belated birthday to Sue, Claudia, Rosie. Oh God, there's so many others that I'm probably leaving out. But those are the ones that come to mind right now. Uh, thank you to all my loyal listeners for listening and giving your feedback when you are able to, if you have the means to. I know not everybody does, not everyone knows how, but I appreciate it. If you can at least like it, it lets me know that the content I'm putting out is worth your listening time. So uh thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. I will look forward to your comments, your feedback, your likes. And until then, until next time, thank you for listening to LQVate Your Life Mindful Monday. And ciao for now.