Travel Reveals Who We Really Are

Two longtime friends compare notes on how travel exposes hidden habits, unspoken needs and the pressure points that surface when comfort, money and pace collide. We talk about boundaries, blowups, and how honest check-ins can save both the trip and the friendship.

• sharing a room reveals hidden quirks
• AC, noise sensitivity and sleep needs clash
• getting ready stress and timing mismatches
• wine, bills and the awkward money dance
• the breaking point and naming boundaries
• repair through direct talk and small changes
• practical pre-trip questions to align expectations
• when separate rooms are the kind choice
• tools for sensory comfort and calmer nights
• inviting listener stories for a part two

Listeners, I'm begging you, please remember to like, comment. It helps the algorithm, it helps the podcast to keep moving. Your comments or questions really help me to come up with content that's relevant to you and meaningful to you.

Chapters

• 0:00 Surprise Guest And Topic Reveal
• 1:45 Thirty-Year Friendship Meets Cabo Heat
• 3:20 AC, Noise, And Non-Negotiables
• 6:50 Getting Ready Stress And Money Tensions
• 10:50 The Boilover And Balcony Reset
• 13:20 Speaking Up, Boundaries, And Repair
• 16:20 Lessons Learned And Travel Screening
• 18:00 Shoutouts, Sponsors, And Listener CTA

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Bound Chick wow wow. What's up, party people? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of L Kivate Your Life. I am your hostess with the most S. L is in the letter L and key as in the key to your heart. Well, it is a wisdom wellness Wednesday, and I'm so excited to share with all of you that we have a surprise guest who just happened to drop by, my friend Sue. So we have a special guest that's here to, you know, obviously join the show and have conversation. So thank you, Sue, for agreeing to be on the podcast.

SPEAKER_01: 0:53

You're welcome. I'm happy to be here.

SPEAKER_00: 0:55

Good. I'm so glad because I think the topic that I want to talk about today might, well, hopefully it resonates with you. I don't know. I feel like everyone has experienced something like this before. But something that has just kind of been in the back of my mind is like, and this has been happening with like work friends and just in different scenarios that you think you know a person until you travel with them. And then when you travel with them, it's like you have now opened Pandora's box of all these things you didn't know about this person. Have you had an experience like this?

SPEAKER_01: 1:45

Yeah, funny, you should mention it. So true, so true. So I just came back from kind of a tropical vacation with a friend that I've known for probably 30 years. Oh, wow. Yes. And um, I've visited her at in her house, but I've never traveled with her. And boy, it was uh interesting experience.

SPEAKER_00: 2:10

That's right. I forgot that you were going to what was it? Uh I went to Cabo. You went to Cabo, that's right. Yeah. So 30 years. That is a long time to know a person. So obviously, you've been to her house, she's probably been to yours.

SPEAKER_01: 2:28

Yes, I've stayed with her, and um, yeah, but I just didn't know certain things about her until we were staying in the same room.

SPEAKER_00: 2:37

Okay, well, maybe we can compare notes and exchange ideas and experiences. And audience, listeners, I would love to know your take on this. So tell me, what were the things that you learned that you didn't learn from staying at her place, or vice versa?

SPEAKER_01: 2:56

Okay, so the the first thing that I realized was that she does not believe in air conditioning because she thinks there's mold spores in all air conditioning. I don't really know, never really thought about it. Um, but I can tell you that we were in, you know, 95 degree weather, 100% humidity. And my first thought was let's turn on the AC. Right. That's oh no, no. Oh my god. Turn on the AC. And I went, What? And then she explained, Oh, we can't use AC. So that was kind of the first shocker, and that was immediately when we got there.

SPEAKER_00: 3:42

Wow. Yeah, especially in Mexico, because not only is it hot, but you have that high humidity, right? Yes, yes, and in yeah, September, October, it's still very hot and humid. Yes. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01: 3:56

I just kind of thought at first that it would just be, I don't know, somehow it wouldn't be a hundred percent of the time that we couldn't turn on the AC. And the problem is at night, it doesn't really cool down. It stays hot. True. So we had a slider, and so that I kind of just let it go because especially when I'm on vacation, I'm just kind of like, okay, well, whatever, I'll deal with it as it comes. And I was just kind of hoping for the best and not really thinking about it too much. We left, we came back to get ready to go out, and I was just like, I couldn't get dressed, I couldn't put on my makeup, I was just dripping.

SPEAKER_00: 4:33

Oh my god, I so remembered these experiences when I went to Mexico, especially during that season.

SPEAKER_01: 4:39

Yeah, so hot. And so then I said, let's open the door, at least get a little airflow. Yeah, suffocating. And then she hit me with, oh no, I can't handle the noise. Because you know how in Cabo, a lot of the um resorts have different, you know, bars and and restaurants. Sure. So you could hear faintly some music going on. Yeah. And she apparently had something with her ear that happened like 25 years ago, but she's still concerned about noise. And did you know about the thing about the ear? I did know about the thing about the ear, but I really thought she was over it at this point. Okay, it's not really a thing, like there's no condition.

SPEAKER_00: 5:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 5:24

It's just a kind of paranoia that she will injure her ear. So she would not let me open the door either. And then that kind of transferred on to uh we were at the pool, and the DJ started playing music, and she was like, you know, can you turn that down? And I'm just thinking, oh my god, oh my god. We're here with all these people partying. Like, you can't ask them to turn it down. And that was kind of a running theme that she when we went when we looked for places to eat, we couldn't eat at any open restaurants that were on a street that had cars driving by because of the noise. So it really kind of multiplied and became, you know, a bigger and bigger issue. And I just kind of, you know, my first reaction was just to not say anything low. Of course, but it became more and more inconvenient, and I was getting a little bit perturbed.

SPEAKER_00: 6:22

Well, yeah, it's your vacation too, right? So you want to enjoy yourself, and this is somebody you've known for a long time. So you're thinking, we're gonna be able to come up with a compromise that suits both of us.

SPEAKER_01: 6:34

I kind of felt like she should make accommodations for me if I'm making all these accommodations for her. I don't know. But I didn't verbalize that until I got to a certain point, and then I kind of was just blue. So, like, how would you have handled that? Would you try to keep the cans too?

SPEAKER_00: 6:50

Or it's so crazy that we're having this conversation right now. So I had a friend that um we had a great time together. We would go out together, we went to the pool together, like we had so many things in common, always had a great time, met my friends, I met her friends, no issues. And she comes to me, similar situation as yours, and says, I want to go to Mexico, but ours was uh Puerto Vallarta. And I was like, Cool, haven't been to Puerto Vallarta, let's do it. Unbeknownst to me, similar situation. It was like, oh no, we can't open the window during these times, and don't use the blow dryer during this time, and uh don't leave the water here, put it, you know, the bottled water here, it needs to go over there. And I was just like, who is this person that I'm on vacation with? And we're on vacation.

SPEAKER_01: 7:50

So you're trying to relax, right?

SPEAKER_00: 7:52

You're trying to enjoy yourself, and it's like, oh my god. And oh well, I'm really curious because I'll share my stuff, but like, well, how was it when you went to dinner? I'm sure you guys went to a nice dinner. What was that experience like? Were there any able to relax and enjoy yourself? And well, okay, so first there's the prelude to dinner.

SPEAKER_01: 8:15

Now, just to refresh, I can't get dressed, yeah, and uh and it's super hot, and so you're like trying to put on makeup and minimal too, but sweating the whole time. So that adds more issues to getting ready, right? Right, right.

SPEAKER_00: 8:32

Now it's not even fun getting ready.

SPEAKER_01: 8:34

You're just like, oh my god. Yeah, and I'm thinking, why am I even bothering? Because I'm dripping. Then she was very au naturel and didn't really, she didn't do her hair. And I just blowed, you know, I have curly hair, I just blow it dry, but she didn't do that. She put on very minimal makeup, and so she would be done in like 15 minutes. And oh wow, yeah, and she'd be like, Are you ready to go? Let's go. We need to go. And she would start that, and you know, did you get you gotta grab your keys, you gotta grab and I'd start to get stressed out, and I didn't want to say anything because I was just trying to be cool about it, but it just made it harder. And at one point, um, not the first day, but probably two or three days in, I said, Can you just be quiet for five minutes so I can get my thoughts together? Yeah, you know, I just couldn't take it. Right. Um, but then actually going out, uh, I made several suggestions to her of places that I had heard from friends that you know we should go. And it kind of felt like she was running the show because she kind of said no to almost everything that I suggested, except one thing that her friend suggested as well. But I again we were on vacation, so I was just kind of like, look, I'm looking for experiences, I don't care what they are, you know, as long as we're having fun. Right. So, but then we went out, and this woman is a very successful realtor. Um, so money isn't an issue. Um, but she was tight, and I didn't know that either.

SPEAKER_00: 10:07

Interesting. Yes, a woman you've known 30 years, you've been to her house, she's been to yours, you've gone places together, done. I mean, 30 years, that's a long time to know a person.

SPEAKER_01: 10:18

Since I mean, obviously since she was young.

SPEAKER_00: 10:20

Wow, and then to go on vacation and have all these things come out when you're on vacation. Your mission is to have experiences, experience the culture, yeah, and kind of you know, maybe indulge a little bit more than I would at home. Yes, obviously, yes, of course. Like that's when you go and eat good food and drink cocktails. So, what was that like?

SPEAKER_01: 10:46

Because you and I are wine drinkers, so so my take was like, why don't we just get a bottle of wine with dinner?

SPEAKER_00: 10:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 10:53

We want we met uh another friend that was staying in another hotel, and she was already drinking wine when we got there. And I said, Well, we might as well order a bottle of wine because you know, four glasses per you know, for per bottle, maybe we'll need two, you know. Right. And she said to me, Oh no, I I don't want wine. I don't want wine. I I just might have one drink. And so at first I thought, okay, well, it's just because she doesn't want to drink, but then it became apparent um actually the next day when she said, you know, I don't want to order bottle, you know, a bottle of wine because I don't want to spend that kind of money. But the other thing she was, you know, she did this. Oh, I brought cash. I only have cash. So because I don't want to put anything on my credit card because I've had I have too much on my credit card. So I want you to put it on your credit card and then I'll give you the cash, which you know, as us girls, that never works out right because then you end up spending the cash, and so now you've got double them on your credit card.

SPEAKER_00: 11:53

Right, but also this is sounding like it's her vacation and you're just along for the ride. Like you might as well be the child and she's the parent. Sorry to the friend. I'm just making observations. Yeah, when when he yeah, as you're talking about, well, so how did you oh my gosh, I know you were just like, let me go with the flow because I haven't been on vacation. Because you haven't, right?

SPEAKER_01: 12:20

I haven't been on a vacation for myself by myself without kids or or significant others, or right, right. Or or without being there for a mission on business or whatever. And yeah, so this was like my first vacation. It was kind of spur of the moment. Um, and so I was really excited about it. And as you know, I really needed a vacation. Yeah. A lot of stuff that was going on. Yep. And so my initial reaction was just to kind of not say anything, put up with it. Um, I did say something about the credit card because I knew myself, and I was like, okay, if I just let her give me cash, that's not gonna work out for me. And why should I do that? You know, that's so anyway. Um, but then I would say it was about three nights in, and we both had we'd gone out to a nice restaurant, we came back, it was really hot in the room, and um she would allow me, I I had convinced her to let me open the door when there wasn't too much noise outside at night, late when the music died down. Oh but there were two sets of curtains. It was like the thicker, the room darkening curtain and then the gauzi curtain. Right. And she wanted both of them closed with the slider open, which was almost like not having a door open. Yeah. So I said to her, it was really hot. We were both really full. We'd had, you know, I had two drinks. I think she had a drink. And I just started to feel claustrophobic, like, uh, I need some air flower. Right, right. So I said to her, You gotta open the curtain, like there's nothing coming through. And she's like, No, no, it's fine. And I go, no, no, we, you know, so we kind of had a back and forth, and then finally she just opened it a teeny crack, and I just went over and opened it.

SPEAKER_00: 14:12

You couldn't take it any longer.

SPEAKER_01: 14:14

But she closed it back up and she said, Let's just go to bed. And I couldn't, and I was starting to feel claustrophobic. So I actually got up and I went outside and I sat on the balcony for probably like 45 minutes and just kind of you were just processing everything, like, oh my god, I don't know how much longer I can do this.

SPEAKER_00: 14:35

Because how long were you on vacation for? Five days, six days, okay, and it's day three. And three or four. You gotta be like, okay, enough's enough. Because from what you're explaining, it's not even sounding like you are part of this vacation.

SPEAKER_01: 14:53

I mean, in her defense, there we had a lot of good times, and there was a lot of things that we did that was a you know, where we had a lot of fun. I'm yeah, pointing out the things stressful, right? Of course, it did kind of supersede at times, especially at night, you know. And I'm just a much more relaxed person. So I, you know, I I initially I'm like, oh, it's not gonna be a big deal, but then as it builds, I do feel the stress, and you know, I blow too. And so this particular night I did. I went outside, I was there for like 45 minutes. I finally started to feel like okay, I'm not I can go back inside. I went inside and she woke me up because she heard something beeping or something, and she's and she said, Sue, just go to sleep, just go to sleep, and I just blew. And she's like, What's that noise? What's that noise? And I'm like, I don't know what noise, you know. And so she said, just go to sleep. And I I just said, Don't tell me to go to sleep. I'm an adult, I'm a grown-ass woman. Right.

SPEAKER_00: 15:55

Amen to that, sister. You needed to say that because you're like, uh, it's my vacation too. Yeah, I've been making compromises, accommodation. I mean, basically, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 16:08

The entire time. And really, there wasn't that much more said that night, except that I said that, which probably was kind of a surprise to her. And then it was the next day where she kind of brought it up and she said, Oh, she said, so you got kind of annoyed last night, but we worked it out, right? And I go, Well, actually, not really. Oh, good for you. Yeah, and I finally just said, I said, you know, I said, I had no idea that you had all of these issues, you know. And if I would have known that you wouldn't, I said, and they're very uncomfortable for me. And I've been making all the accommodations. And if I would have known, I would have said, let's get two separate rooms.

SPEAKER_00: 16:46

Right, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 16:47

So it's kind of unfair, but then I understand that if you don't realize you have the issues, that you could end up doing that to somebody. But that's what I said to her. I go, I've made all these accommodations and it's been really uncomfortable for me. And here's the interesting part she was genuinely surprised. She looked at me and she said, I had no idea that you were making all these accommodations for me. And not in a spiteful way or snarky. It was like she really didn't know this is her stuff, and she's used to it, and you know, and and she goes, uh, and I go, Yeah, you gotta, you gotta do some, you know, make some accommodations for me too. It's the only way it's gonna work. And I had to go through the different things that were, you know, stressful for me. Right. And you know, I can't say she really changed that much, but she was a little more you brought awareness to her about her. She wasn't as pushy about it. It was still the same. We went to the gym and she literally called the people and said, Can you turn down the music? You know, I just kind of feel like people that have those kind of things should at this stage in their life be able to have figured out, like, put something, put earplugs in or something. Like, how do you function in the world?

SPEAKER_00: 18:02

Yes, you know, I agree with you a thousand percent. The same thing, like I said, happened to me and my friend Kim. Uh, like I said, we got along, we weren't friends for 30 years, but we were friends long enough to where I felt like, okay, we've gone to the pool, we've done the outside thing, we've gone to clubs and the you know, shopping and had dinners and whatever. And it was literally the same thing. And I was with my daughter and her best friend, and even they were chiming in, like, but they weren't even having my back. They were like, That's your friend, you better say something, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 18:38

So uh I can't be responsible for them too.

SPEAKER_00: 18:41

Exactly, exactly. So I so yeah, wow. Well, good for you for finally speaking up and bringing awareness to her about that. Um, it's interesting because people don't realize. Well, does she live by herself?

SPEAKER_01: 19:00

She does now, but she was married for you know like 30 years. Okay. And but she's always been kind of controlling. So I should have kind of, you know, I mean, uh in that way, I probably should have anticipated. But you know, you just don't realize. And now I'm thinking about I had another experience. Um, I had torn my ACL and I was still recovering from it, and it takes a lot of you gotta like move it and and bend it, do all these stretches and lifts and stuff to keep it, you know. I was in that stage of it, and I went just for a two-day with another friend of mine and similar experience.

SPEAKER_00: 19:39

Similar experience.

SPEAKER_01: 19:40

Yeah, where she had, you know, I gotta be up, I gotta go to sleep at a certain time. I need complete darkness. And I was like, oh my God, I have to do all these exercises. I guess I'll sit in the dark and lean up against the bed, you know, and it was oh my god.

SPEAKER_00: 19:55

The things we have to deal with as women, because I can't even imagine guys having this conversation about because I feel like they would just be like, bro, you need to calm down or whatever, you know, and that would that would be the end of it. Exactly. Whereas we women are like, How am I gonna say this? What am I gonna? Oh, yeah, this is probably a one-off. Like, maybe she'll let me run the AC tomorrow when it's 105 instead of 95, or whereas a guy would just be like, You're kidding, right?

SPEAKER_01: 20:25

Right, like exactly that ain't gonna happen. Yes, yeah, you better get yourself a room, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 20:30

Oh my god, the things we have to deal with as women.

SPEAKER_01: 20:34

So I learned a lesson. So now I will ask, you know. Yes, hey, so what you know, what do you need to what are the accommodations I might have to make for you? Yes. Let me tell you how I live.

SPEAKER_00: 20:46

My God, bless you for hanging in for three days. I think I would have snapped before then. I would have needed that bottle of wine. So thank God you're in Mexico. Hopefully, you had some, you know, access to other things to help you tolerate. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine. Well, but overall, hopefully your trip was nice. And hey, I always say, where is the lesson here? So did you ask yourself or say to yourself, like, where is the lesson here? And now I know going forward, like next vacation I plan with somebody.

SPEAKER_01: 21:23

Yeah, I mean, I think the lesson is, you know, I mean, I've always been like, hope for the best and expect the best. But I think you should hope for the best and expect the worst and ask some questions. Yeah. Hey, do are you really strict about, you know, having the TV on when you want to fall asleep or turning on the air conditioning, you know? Yeah, I know if you don't think about you can't catch everything, but yeah, I think from now on, uh, you know, I'll ask more questions. But I mean, overall, it was a good trip anyway.

SPEAKER_00: 21:56

I'm just pointing out kind of the yeah, challenges. The challenging part. Challenges that we have when you have known a person a long time and you don't realize the the like idiosyncrasies that people have, right?

SPEAKER_01: 22:12

There are sides of them that you just don't get exposed to until you're in that kind of situation, especially close quarters, yeah. And like in her defense, maybe she was annoyed that you know, it took me longer to get ready than it took her. I didn't just I mean, at the end, I was just like, oh well, I'll just go out exactly how I am. That's so true.

SPEAKER_00: 22:31

Because I I like you take a long time to get ready, as we both know. And I I feel like I always have the friends that are like, oh my god, are you done yet? Are you done yet? And it's like the more they pressure you, like when are you gonna be? You're then you're just like, now it's taking me longer because you are distracting me from my mission, and now I can't find my lipstick pencil or my brush to do, you know? Yeah, yeah. Ooh, not fun. Well, I would love to know what our listeners think about this one. I would love to hear the feedback on what everyone out there thinks about this experience because it is true.

SPEAKER_01: 23:09

I mean, and is it common? Like, does this happen to a lot of people? So because when it was happening to me, I'm thinking, oh god, it must be me. Like, I just don't, I just don't know how to, you know, confront her until I blew, you know. So it's my fault that I let it go so far.

SPEAKER_00: 23:28

But I wonder if other people have that same kind of reaction where they just try to kind of keep the peace, or you know, I definitely did the same thing, and I think that in our case, we're like kind of go with the flow and try to be agreeable, and especially on vacation, like you just want to be agreeable, and uh yeah, it's like okay, is this something that is really having a discussion or a conversation about, or can I just get over it? And but when they start to build, and yeah, I mean, you're bound to snap and have to share your feelings. I I think that's I think that's valid.

SPEAKER_01: 24:15

Yeah, and I mean that was good, it worked out well in our case because she was able to receive that, you know, and hear it and genuinely respond, even if she couldn't really change that quickly, but that's okay, you know. Yeah, it made me feel better. But if it didn't go that way, yeah, that would be that that would have been an opt or hurt the relationship, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 24:37

Right, right. So I'm curious since then, you probably taught her something about herself that she didn't know because she sounded surprised. So have you talked to her since then? Yeah, and it's everything's fine.

SPEAKER_01: 24:51

Oh, yeah. She, you know, sent me a message and said, Oh, we had a great trip and everything was great, and I enjoyed it so much. And I think we travel really well together.

SPEAKER_00: 25:04

You're like, Yes, as long as we don't have the same room next time.

SPEAKER_01: 25:08

We will travel better apart.

SPEAKER_00: 25:11

Oh my gosh, but then you're like, sure, if we go to a monastery next time, my lord, there's no music. No, okay, I'm making a joke about that, but but yeah, interesting. Well, listeners, I would love to know your thoughts if you have experienced this. Uh, because I feel like, again, it's a women thing, but who knows? I would love to know if there's any guys out there that have experienced how they would handle it. I feel like it would just be like, bro, that's not cool. We're gonna do this, you know. Uh yeah. Um, okay. Well, I want to make sure, since we're yeah, I'm looking at the time and I'm seeing we have to wrap it up. I want to make sure I say thank you to my loyal subscribers. Uh, Mike Kaufman, thank you for being a loyal subscriber. Not necessarily a loyal listener, which is fine. It's fine. Uh uh, the guy's got you know a full-time job and football refereeing and whatever, so we're just gonna give him a pass. Anyway, moving on. Uh Kara, uh, who is lovemyartist.etsy.com. I have to show you her page. She's got so many cool things: clothing, uh, jewelry, um, decorative boots, uh, laptop bags. Um, she's a very talented singer, puts together audio, video tributes for every occasion. So check out her page. And Lisa Roberts Corbello, as I said on Monday's episode, I was so happy to see you on Saturday night. And I'm looking forward to celebrating your birthday party at prom. In fact, Sue, I was gonna ask her if you want to go. It's a prom party. Mr. has football, so he's like, I don't know if I can make it. That's like prime time season, playoffs, whatever, whatever. So um, it sounds like it's gonna be a cool time. I don't know, prom theme. I thought that was kind of cool. Um, she's turning 60, and she's proud to say that, so I can say that. So thank you, Lisa. Thank you, Kyle. The book Um Committed to Love. Uh, Love is a Verb. Um, you can find it on Amazon, on Audible. And I just feel like everybody should read this book because it's not just about loving like a partner, it could do with have to do with family or friend, or just learning how to love yourself and love others. So I encourage everybody to listen to it or get the book. Let's see. Up next, Roger, Roger Havens, the infamous baker and gardener. Roger, I'm still looking forward to that peach cobbler. Where are you at with the peach cobbler? Not that I need to have any. I know maybe I could share it with you, Sue. Because I would have just like a oh my god. I I love me some peach cobbler. Yeah. Um and Jeff Potter, Namaste. Thank you for always keeping me grounded. When I need sound advice, he is there for me showing up with the sound advice. And of course, Angie Germer, Thrive Laville. If you're looking for all natural supplements to fill those nutritional gaps, Angie is your girl. And all of these people that I say thank you to, you can find their link. It's in my podcast, in the content of what the podcast is about. It has all their links, you can find them there. Listeners, I'm begging you, please remember to like, comment. Uh I just checked my Mondays and I had like 40 listens and like five likes. So I'm going, are these are these not my loyal listeners? It's the thumbs up, okay? Just like on social media in case you don't know. Anyway, it helps the algorithm, it helps the podcast to keep moving. And your comments or questions really help me to, you know, come up with content that's relevant to you and meaningful to you. So I look forward. Forward to hearing from you and Sue and I would love to hear if you have experienced this. Guys, girls, bring it on. I would love to hear what you have to say and what your experiences are. Maybe we could do a part two on this, on everyone's feedback. Until then, Sue, thank you so much for joining me on the pod. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 30:24

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00: 30:25

Yeah, it was it was very interesting to hear our experiences were so similar. All right. Well, until then, ladies and gents, thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. And ciao for now.