Crossroads in Love: When to Stay, When to Walk Away

Relationships start with excitement and butterflies, but what happens when the shine wears off and one person seems to be carrying the weight of maintaining the connection? In this raw, vulnerable episode, I step away from my usual advice-giving role to share my own relationship struggles and ask for your wisdom.

I'm facing a crossroads many of us encounter in long-term relationships: what do you do when you've tried everything—therapy, books, prayer, communication techniques—yet still feel like you're the only one putting in the effort? At what point does an imbalanced partnership (70-30, 80-20, or even 90-10) become unsustainable? And how do you make the painful decision between staying committed or walking away?

The questions I'm wrestling with might resonate deeply if you've ever felt your emotional tank emptying faster than it's being refilled. We explore the challenges of maintaining connection when communication breaks down, when defensiveness replaces listening, and when you can no longer lean on your partner for support. As someone with a growth mindset who believes relationships require active participation from both sides, I'm struggling to find answers when all the conventional wisdom has been exhausted.

Whether you're currently in a thriving relationship or navigating your own difficult partnership, this episode offers a moment of honest reflection about love's complexities. If you have insights that might help others facing similar challenges, please share them—your wisdom could be exactly what someone needs to hear right now. And remember, sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is acknowledge that we don't have all the answers. As Always remember to Like, Comment, Share, and Subscribe to #ElkevateYourLife

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Weekend Recap
• 3:32 Relationship Struggles and Crossroads
• 8:47 Raw Emotions and Communication Breakdowns
• 13:04 Seeking Advice from Listeners
• 15:42 Shoutouts to Sponsors and Listeners
• 21:16 Dating Advice and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Wow, chicka, wow, wow, what's up? Party people, welcome to another episode of LTVate your Life. I am your hostess, with the mostess, l is in the letter L and key as in the key to your heart, the key to your heart. Well, good evening everyone, and thank you for tuning in on this Monday, september 1st Labor Day weekend. How's everyone's Labor Day going? Hopefully, well. Hopefully you're enjoying a pool day, a beach day, a barbecue, a pool party I don't know, there's so many things that happen on Labor Day.

Speaker 1: 0:54

Right as for my weekend, it was pretty chill. Went to a fun theme party Friday night Cellar door, 70s, 80s, 90s party. It was pretty cool. It was a dance party. Didn't win the theme contest, but that's okay. Just went to go and see friends and dance and have a good time. So that was the highlight of my weekend, not much else. So you're not seeing me on camera today because I'm looking a hot mess. I was at the pool, my hair is wet, got a headband in, no makeup on and I was like you know what. I really don't have the energy to do makeup and hair for today's episode because it just seemed like too much for me. So thank you for tuning in and listening, I hope not to disappoint. And listening, I hope not to disappoint.

Speaker 1: 2:11

Well, as most of you know, especially you loyal listeners out there we've been talking about relationships, advice on relationships, what to do, what not to do, what websites to meet people on, and all of the various tips and tricks for men and women of all generations. And we all know how fun and exciting it is to get into a relationship, right, the thrill of going on your first date and getting to know each other's likes or dislikes and finding out hobbies, interests, just being in the moment and enjoying all the new things that you're learning about one another. Right, so we know how fun and exciting it is to get into a relationship. But how do we stay in it? How do we keep the relationship going and keep it healthy and strong and alive? Because, as my dear family slash friend, kyle Few, says, love is a verb and a verb is action. Right, so you have to put action into the love, right? So what action are you putting into the relationship or the love that you are trying to nourish, grow, maintain? What is your part in that? Your part in that? And that, when you tap out, is that when you reevaluate Hmm, you know, when we met, oh, it was so exciting and wonderful and there were flowers and notes and grand gestures and romantic dinners and surprises out of nowhere and chivalry was all over the place and everyone was telling you, you're so lucky, such a beautiful relationship. I'm so happy for you. You seem so happy. Oh, I can tell the way you look at each other. You love each other. What happens when you come to a crossroads and that light goes dim. What do you do?

Speaker 1: 5:51

Part of the reason that well, several reasons why I couldn't be on camera today is because a lot of these things that I talk about on my podcast resonate with me and my listeners and a lot of us go through these roller coaster of emotions and, sorry, guys, I'm super thirsty and dehydrated from being out in the sun today. Thank you for being patient. And so I bring this up today because I know of and sorry, you're probably going to hear me get emotional and raw in this episode but a lot of this really resonates with me because I am at a crossroads, yes, and I know what it takes to be in a relationship. I know it requires commitment and patience and grace and love and understanding and compromise, not sacrifice and compromise, not sacrifice. I know all the ingredients that go into it Because, as I've shared with you many a times, I am of a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset. So I read, I watch videos, I talk to people that have been happily married, I ask advice and I'm all out of ideas because while I read all the books and watch all the videos and do all the things that I know are required in a relationship listen, communicate, understand At what point do you say to yourself hmm, feels like I'm the one that's putting in 60, 40, 70, 30, 80, 20, 90, 10.

Speaker 1: 8:47

At what point do you say this isn't really what I signed up for. I signed up for a marriage, a partnership, and I ask all of you this because maybe you'll have some wisdom I haven't implemented yet. I keep going, reflecting back on these moments of things that my mom would share with me, like the man always walks on the outside when you're on the street and make sure that he comes and knocks on the door and rings the bell and comes for you. My mom was very old-fashioned and instilled that the man was chivalrous and the man protected and provided, and I think of all the P's that are in the relationship protect, provide, preserve, procreate. Well, there's no more procreating going on right here anymore. That door is closed. My kids are grown, my kids are grown. So now I'm looking at protect, provide, preserve.

Speaker 1: 10:20

So how do you have a relationship when you can't even communicate? How do you have a relationship when you're the only one communicating and the other one gets defensive instead of listening or makes excuses for the reaction instead of the response? And I tell all of you oh, I don't like to talk about, you know, politics or religion, but I have to bring my religion into it. I was raised Christian. I do believe in God. I believe in a variety of different things. I've even taken friends' advice of try this, say this, even my therapist, I am in therapy. Even my therapist. Have you tried this? Have you said this? Have you done this? I'm even reading a book, praying Woman.

Speaker 1: 11:31

And I guess what I'm trying to say is, while I'm doing all of the things that I am to do, what do you do when the other person doesn't do their part, doesn't do their share? And while I understand, it's not always going to be 50-50, someone's going to come home and have a bad day and it's your partner's job to go. I'm sorry you had a bad day. Do you need a hug? Do you want to talk about it? Do you want somebody to listen? Can I make you a drink, something to eat? I'm here, whatever you need, right? There's always going to be those days where we need to lean on each other. But what do you do when you can't even lean on the person, when it's not even a safe space, when you can't have a conversation, you can't ask a question? How do you navigate through that? Navigate through that.

Speaker 1: 12:50

I'm hoping that someone is going to text in their advice or suggestions on the perfect potion, the perfect remedy, the perfect recipe to oh, this is how you get around it. Oh, you go to church, you pray on it, you go to counseling, you go to therapy. What if you have exhausted all of those things? Then what is left? So, while I signed up to be Elkivate your Life in today's episode, tonight's episode, I'm afraid I'm not that person.

Speaker 1: 13:35

I am sorry to say that I am a shell. It's kind of funny because I'm Cancer, the Crab. So I feel that I am a shell of a person and I feel that I have pulled out all of all of the tools from my toolbox. I've pulled everything I can out of the magic hat and I have nothing left, and so I am turning to you, my listeners, to ask for advice or guidance, and I'm sure I'm not the only woman person in a relationship that's struggling with. Should I stay or should I go now? Taking it back to the Clash, that used to be my favorite song that I would request in high school. It's kind of ironic that it's running through my head. Actually, the other song that's running through my head, actually the other song that's running through my head, and since I enjoy singing and dancing, is little less conversation, a little more action. These are all the things that are running through my head. So, to those of you that have been in a relationship for a long time, to those of you who have all the answers and antidotes to a perfect relationship although we know no relationship is perfect to a healthy, happy relationship, what do you do when you get to this point? That's where I'm at.

Speaker 1: 15:43

I do want to make sure that I give a shout out to my subscribers, my sponsors, my loyal listeners. Shout out to Kyle Few. As I mentioned earlier, commitment to love. Love is a verb. Um. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being a loyal listener and supporter. I really appreciate you, kyle. Thank you to Kara lovemyartistetsycom. She has an array of talent, from painting to video, contributions, contributions. She does some great videos for anniversary, for birthday. If you want to propose, if you want to ask somebody to be your maid of honor, your best man. She also has some amazing clothing, paintings, poetry, whatever you can think of you can find on her lovemyartistetsycom. Make sure that you give a shout out and hashtag Elkivate, so she knows you heard of her page and looked at her page because I sent you. Next up, we have Angie Germer. Angie Germer, thrive Lavelle. If you're looking to lose weight, gain energy and do it naturally, angie is your girl, Angie Germer. You can find her link on my page.

Speaker 1: 17:53

Roger, roger Havens, thank you for being a loyal listener and always providing feedback and comments. I always appreciate your comments, your questions, your feedback on my podcast. It's been super helpful. So I hope you enjoyed this Labor Day weekend and got your groove on Saturday night. I'm sorry that we couldn't connect Lisa Roberts Curbelo. Thank you for being a loyal listener and loyal sponsor. Hopefully we connect this week as promised.

Speaker 1: 18:33

It's been too long, girlfriend, and then, of course, I want to give a shout out to Dr Ryan Swen, my Swinn, my awesome chiropractor, that has an alternative approach, that offers the HBOT therapy, the hyper oxygen chamber therapy, that I brag to you guys about. I need to schedule another session now, so more than ever. Session now, so more than ever. Dr Ryan Swen of Pinnacle Wellness Center in Pleasanton. His link also can be found on my podcast. Be sure to hashtag Elkivate, elkivate your life, so that he knows that you came to him because of me.

Speaker 1: 19:35

Mike Coffman Mike Coffman, thanks for being a loyal subscriber. And, of course, to my loyal listeners. And of course, to my loyal listeners. If I named all of those names, we'd be here all night, and Lord knows, we don't have that kind of time. So, miss N Dory Travis I guess I don't even know.

Speaker 1: 20:07

Thank you to all of you who have been consistent in sending me questions and comments. I really appreciate that. Your questions and comments are what keep me going, keep me motivated. They're the reason I keep showing up. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Oh, jeff Potter, namaste, I already know what your advice is going to be. But sure, fire away my spicy Aries. Yes, I would love to hear your advice, your suggestions, your ideas. I would.

Speaker 1: 21:09

I'll be honest it it sounds like these are such simple, basic questions, but it becomes more complicated when you're invested right. You've invested time, thoughts, energy. Maybe you signed a contract, maybe you married, maybe you're in a long-term relationship and you've taken and made all this time to get to know this person and devote your life to this person or committed to a serious relationship. And so what do you do? Relationship? And so what do you do? As I like to say, riddle me this Batman, what do you do? Because, while I've read all the books and watched all the videos and soul searched, soul-searched, sometimes it helps to have another perspective, or maybe there's that one other idea or suggestion we haven't tried.

Speaker 1: 22:36

Anyway, I appreciate all of you. Thank you all for tuning in and listening. Please remember to like, comment, share, subscribe. It helps the algorithm and obviously, by helping the algorithm, it's helped getting my podcast out there, getting my voice heard, and please, by all means, feel free to leave your comments. Questions concerns ideas, because I'm always open to listening to new topic ideas, new relevant suggestions. Maybe you think of something that you want to be on the show, maybe you want to be a guest on the show. I'm open to that as well. I know I've heard feedback that everyone has really been appreciating the guests and the guests will continue to come. When they can't be here, I'll be here to answer your questions, respond to your feedback, respond to your feedback.

Speaker 1: 24:08

To my loyal listeners that have sent in your questions about first dates, second dates, etc. I would say get to know the person. There's all kinds of books out there, 101 questions to ask the person you want to marry, or there's so much information out there about how to date, what questions to ask, and you know too much. Tommy, as he likes to call himself. We talked about a list that this man created to find his wife, and you know why not have a list to find a partner, find a girlfriend, find a boyfriend, find someone you're interested in? Why not have a list of things that you could that are important to you, right, that are important to you, right? And definitely the deal breakers should be on there as well, not saying you have to use this on the first, second or third date, but just be mindful of the person that you're getting to know and it's okay to take your time and don't feel like you have to rush the process.

Speaker 1: 25:34

Anyway, thank you all for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Thank you for making the time to listen on this labor day weekend. I hope that all of you enjoyed the labor day. It was definitely nice weather almost too hot for this girl to lay out and I love laying out in the sun but this weekend was a hot one. It was definitely almost too hot. I'm grateful for all of you and I'll look forward to seeing you and doing audio video for Wednesday's episode. So, happy Labor Day. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Be sure to check out the links on my page for Dr Ryan Swen. Pinnacle Wellness Center. Kara lovemyartistetsycom. Angie LaVelle, thrive, thrive. That's all I got for you, ladies and gents. So until next time. Ciao for now.