Swipe Right, Ghost Left: Dating in the Digital Age

The dating landscape has transformed dramatically, leaving many singles adrift in a sea of apps, ghosting culture, and impossibly high standards. What happened to authentic connections and honest communication?

Today's episode dives deep into the evolution of modern dating—from the days when men knocked on doors with flowers in hand to our current reality of specialized dating apps catering to every possible preference and demographic. Both men and women face unprecedented challenges, with many lamenting how potential partners maintain rigid, inflexible "must-have lists" that seem impossible to satisfy. Height requirements, financial expectations, physical appearance preferences—these checkboxes have created a paradoxical situation where lonely people seeking connection can't find it because they refuse to compromise on idealized partner criteria.

We explore the growing dilemma of where and how to meet potential partners authentically. Should singles rely on dating apps despite concerns about misrepresentation? Or should they seek connections in traditional venues like social gatherings, religious communities, or through mutual friends? The growing popularity of singles events offers a middle ground, providing structured opportunities for face-to-face interactions in lower-pressure environments. For introverts especially, navigating either digital or in-person dating scenes presents unique challenges requiring specific strategies and practice.

Perhaps most troubling is modern dating's ghosting culture—the widespread practice of suddenly ceasing communication without explanation. This avoidance of difficult conversations deprives both parties of closure and learning opportunities. Through personal anecdotes, we discover how honest communication about incompatibility, while initially painful, ultimately serves both individuals better than disappearing without explanation. The episode concludes with a call for flexibility—not in compromising values, but in remaining open to connections that might not initially match every checkbox on a predetermined list.

What dating challenges are you facing? How do you meet potential partners? Share your experiences in the comments—your feedback helps shape future discussions on finding meaningful connections in today's complex dating world.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Elkivate Your Life
• 2:10 Evolution of the Dating World
• 9:44 Dating Standards and Flexibility
• 17:42 Meeting People: Apps vs. Real Life
• 22:12 Communication and Ghosting Culture
• 31:04 Podcast Updates and Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh, chicka-wa-wa, what's up? Party people, welcome to another episode of Elkivate your Life. I am your hostess with the most S, l as in the letter L, and key, as in the key to your heart. Well, happy, mindful Monday, ladies and gents, to all my Elkyvators. Thank you for tuning in and taking the time to listen, watch like share comment. It helps the algorithm when you do all these things.

Speaker 1: 0:42

I might sound a little bit louder or more enthusiastic today, and let me tell you why. So I have told all of you that I have had some new things in what I like to call my Spongebob brain files. If any of you watched Spongebob, there's an episode I like to quote this where Spongebob had so many brain files in his head that he was like, oh my gosh, I'm running out of space in my brain for all these files. So there was an actual episode where he burned the files to make room and then Squidward or his boss oh my God, his boss's name is escaping me right now Was like SpongeBob, I need this. And he's like, oh crap, I burned that file. Spongebob, I need this. And he's like, oh crap, I burned that file. Anyway, whenever I think about all of the ideas that are floating around in my brain. My mind goes to that place of that particular SpongeBob episode. So just a little insight. It's something that I used to watch almost religiously with my son and, yeah, I just feel like it's one of those things where there's things that you can take away. It's not like those mindless cartoons or things that they have out now. This one actually had some educational aspects to it. Anyway, I don't mean to go off topic, so what I'm trying to say is I have had all of these ideas in my head, in my thoughts, and I've been sharing with you guys that stay tuned. Things are going to get bigger and better and I'm going to have guests and you're going to see me on more live videos Well, guess what? You're going to see me on more live videos. Well, guess what? My ideas and brainstorming and all of that are coming to fruition.

Speaker 1: 3:00

As most of you know, I've had Sarah as a guest a couple of times and we've been talking about the dating life and how much it's changed throughout the years, depending on what generation you are. Maybe you have, maybe you have not witnessed the evolving change in dating, where women now ask men out and there's all these different apps that you can go on, and it depends on what it is you're looking for, is it? You know? There's coffee time for the, the older generation, and there's the hookup apps, and then there's the apps where you can go on depending on, and then there's the apps where you can go on depending on how much money you make and what career you're in. There's just so much more added to the dating pool now than there was in my generation, where you met people authentically in person and the man asked the woman out on a date and he actually knocked on the door and or brought flowers, or. You know.

Speaker 1: 4:15

Times, they are a changing, and I am of the mindset well, I'm growth mindset I always talk to you guys about that where I am not set in my way of thinking patterns. I'm open to change and growing and evolving along with the times and while I might not know all of the terminology, I am open to learning and listening and evolving. So I'm happy to announce that Elkivate your Life might evolve into Elkivate your Life with co-host. I'm not going to tell you the name, I'm going to leave it a mystery, but let's just say good things. They are a coming and I'm excited. So before I get on a roll and start talking about tonight's follow-up topic, let me just give a shout out and a big thanks to my loyal listeners, my subscribers that follow me, like me, listen to me, comment, give feedback all of that great stuff. Starting out with Kyle Few. I often refer to him as Dr Kyle or Professor Kyle because he is my go-to guru If I have a health question or a love life question or a communication. He is the know-all be all of several topics and he and I go way back. So shout out to Kyle Few and Commitment to Love.

Speaker 1: 6:11

Love is a verb. You can find his Audible on Amazon. If you haven't gotten it yet, please go and get it. It's literally a couple bucks and I can assure you it is worth the couple dollars. It's not just about commitment to love, as in how do I love my partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend, girlfriend, domestic partner, love of my life, animal, whatever, whatever it is. It is going through the different layers and levels about what does commitment to love?

Speaker 1: 7:04

And love is a verb. What does it mean? Well, it means it's something that you have to nourish and plant and allow to grow, and you have to learn how to do that, and there are a lot of steps. It's not just a matter of knock, knock. Here's some flowers. Would you like to go on a date? I bought you dinner and dessert. So where's my treat? It's so much deeper than that. So where's my treat? It's so much deeper than that. So thank you to Kyle Few for being my know-all, be-all guru. Jeff is a friend he and I go back a few years and a very grounded individual who is just grateful for life and all of its experiences, always teaching me what's important in life and how to just have gratitude for anything and everything, how to stay grounded and be true to your authentic self, so namaste. Thank you, jeff Parra.

Speaker 1: 8:43

Next up, lisa Roberts Curbelo. I missed her on my birthday celebration. Unfortunately, this woman is always traveling or busy with friends, busy with her boyfriend, yada, yada, fast forward. Haven't seen her, but she supports my podcast and when we do see each other, it's as if no time has passed. So thank you, lisa. And next up, mike kaufman. Mike kaufman, my husband, ready fresh water, primo alhambra, hawaiian, take your pick. He sells them all.

Speaker 1: 9:20

Thank you for supporting me, thank you for believing in me, thank you for subscribing to me and, last but not least, my two favorite, other favorite ladies Kara, lovemyartistcom. Lovemyartistetsycom. Kara has a 50% off promo going on right now and I have to tell you if you know, you know, if you don't, you need to. She actually has a link tree that I want to give a shout out to. If any of you know about about link tree, it allows you to look at various different platforms. So her link tree is link tree, love my artist and her other platform, lovemyartistetsycom.

Speaker 1: 10:25

And I can't say enough about this woman's talents. She writes poetry, she writes songs, she's great at digital art. She puts songs to messages. If you have a birthday, if you have an anniversary, if you want have an anniversary, if you want to propose to someone, if you want to invite this person to be a bridesmaid, or, you know, you have a special someone that you want to create something for. She has the same passion I have for animals, as well as style, digital art, I mean. The list goes on and on. I could talk about her platform all day. So if you check out lovemyartistetsycom or link, you can see all of her work and 50% off, you can personalize all of the things that she has on her platform. So go check her out, give her a look-see, be sure to say Elkuvate your life or hashtag Elkuvate so she knows I sent you.

Speaker 1: 11:40

Last up, we have Angie Germer of Thrive Lavelle. If you're looking to get healthy, get more energy, lose weight, tone, angie is your girl. And, by the way, kara and Angie their links can be found in my page. Angie Thrive Lavelle the girl, has lost oh my gosh, I want to say over 60 pounds, I think, and I lost 10 on the plan and that was just in one month. I just wanted to lose and tone. And the nutritional supplements they fill the nutritional gaps. So super helpful and I love that. It's all natural and, yeah, she's a great resource for these things. So check her out, check out her link. They are always running specials as well.

Speaker 1: 12:44

So tonight is just kind of a recap of what we've been talking about. And what we have been talking about, ladies and gents, is the dating world and how it has changed and evolved throughout the years. And I have a lot of passionate people out there, a lot of men, all age groups, that are like looking for love in all the wrong places. Anyway, the men are having a hard time because they're saying the women have these high standards that they can't meet where it's a height standard or a financial standard, or simply relying on looks and not looking at the person and just all these superficial things, no-transcript. And there's such a melting pot out here, but so many people put so many restrictions and limitations on their list that people and they're not flexible on this list, and so what ends up happening is these guys and girls don't fit the specific criteria that is on this list, don't fit the specific criteria that is on this list, and so there's all these lonely, single people out here that are like I just want companionship, I just want to find somebody I enjoy going out to dinner or dancing with. And then I try to introduce these people and it's not the right time, it's not the right place, they don't fit the mold of what the other person is looking for, or maybe they're shy and they take time to warm up.

Speaker 1: 14:48

There's all these challenges, right? I'll be honest, I'm glad I'm not in that equation, not to say that my husband and I don't have our struggles we do and energy and let my masculine man assume his role, and I mean the struggle is real. Right, there are a lot of things to learn and you have to be open to learning and you have to be open to learning. So that's kind of what I've been talking about, and I've had a lot of helpful feedback on the women's part and the men's part. Where the men are going, come on, ladies, can you ease up on your list? Can you be more flexible, more flexible. And of course, the ladies are going yeah, can you be more flexible on your list and not require a tall blonde, 38d, 24, 36, 36, 24, 36? Well, you know what I'm trying to say, so I think it applies to both, and the question is is there any flexibility in your lists?

Speaker 1: 16:29

Ladies and gentlemen, please share, because I know lots of single people that I'm trying to introduce to others and, for one reason or another, it hasn't been a match or a love connection, and so what do we do about this? Do they go on the apps and keep looking? Do they wait to meet that genuine person in person? At church, at the grocery store, in the club, in a restaurant? Where do you authentically meet people? Do you go to single events? What are people doing to meet people?

Speaker 1: 17:14

I do love that my friend Jasara is putting on all these singles events. I think it's a great way to get out and meet people, because I do feel that the game is changing, especially since COVID, and there are a lot of apps out there to cater to your needs. But then there's the people that don't want to go on the apps because they think you're lying or the picture is filtered or it's old or are you really gonna show up in the way you presented yourself online? There's so many questions and concerns and reservations to even the online dating approach and, yes, I would love some more feedback from my singles out there. How are you meeting people? How are you dating? Are you going on the dating apps? Are you meeting people in person? Are you going to these single events? Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Because then there's that layer right you're scared to go out, you're scared to meet people or, if you do, you're not good at talking to people.

Speaker 1: 18:40

I have a funny story to share. So I went to a wedding with the mister a year or so ago and I'm the kind of person that goes up to people and I'm just like why are you on your phone? I'm the kind of person that goes up to people and I'm just like why are you on your phone. You are out amongst people, put your phone away. That's for when you're sitting at yourself. You're sitting with yourself at dinner, whatever right. I'm like you are out in a club, there are people, put your phone away.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Well, so, interestingly enough, I met these two gentlemen and I'm the kind of person I kind of go up to anybody and everybody, and so I went out and danced and there were these two guys and you could see the one that was the outgoing one and the one that was shy. And so, because I was that shy, quiet person, I went over to him. I'm like dude, what are you doing? Come on. And he's like no, no, no, my friend's the outgoing one and he's the this. And I'm like okay, well, do you want to meet somebody? So I ended up pulling him out to the dance floor with us and I ended up introducing him to the girl and he talked to the woman and it seemed like there was a good banter. But then his friend kind of outshined him because he's like I don't really have the confidence in this and that. And I'm like dude, been there, done that, I know. Dude, been there, done that, I know, I know the feeling I feel like so.

Speaker 1: 20:19

I was definitely the quiet and shy person throughout high school. I always had the friends that were more friendly and more outgoing and I would go to all the parties and they'd go oh, you're the tease, you're the one that doesn't talk to anybody and I'm like, I'm just shy, I just I am your typical cancer the crab. I am in my shell until I know it's safe to come out, and so I would surround myself with beautiful outgoing people. And of course, I didn't get to meet all the hot people or the friendly people or whatever, because I just I didn't. It took me a while to learn that skill and it is a skill. So I try to let people know look, you gotta practice interviewing, you gotta practice dating. You got to practice interviewing. You got to practice dating. You got to practice meeting people. So challenge yourself to step outside of your comfort zone every time you go out. So I like to be the one to bring people together. My thing is bringing people joy. So I ended up telling his friend look, I'm gonna need you to back off a little bit, go find your own crew and let my boy shine and meet this girl and talk to this girl, and so his friend quietly stepped out and he got to talk to the girl and exchange numbers with the girl and danced with them and I feel like Elkivate your Life did her job in that evening.

Speaker 1: 22:02

So, going back to all you single people, how are you meeting people? How are you going out on dates? Please share your feedback. This is where I say like, subscribe, comment. It doesn't just help the algorithm, but it helps me to understand what's going on in your world out there, because I'm asking my single friends what's working for you, what doesn't? How have the dynamics changed? What is your advice to a woman? What is your advice to a man? What is your advice to somebody who's an introvert versus an extrovert? And yes, I would love to know the challenges you're faced with so I can come back with solutions.

Speaker 1: 22:52

I know in my older generation, my generation, generation x that it's becoming harder to meet people if you are an introvert and or the whole ghosting thing is a thing even in my generation. Oh yeah, I asked her out, we talked, we texted, we had good banter and then she disappeared. Why did she disappear? What was it you said or did, or she said or did? Why did the dynamics change. Why isn't there just open and honest communication? I really like you, but I'm feeling like this is a friend vibe versus I liked you, I enjoyed talking to you. I don't feeling like this is a friend vibe versus I liked you, I enjoyed talking to you. I don't know if this is a love connection, but sure, let's be friends and we can go out to concert in the park and dinners, coffee, whatever. What happened to just being honest and authentic? I don't know. People want to hide behind their phones and their computers and, while I understand it's easier to ghost out of respect for the other person, don't you want to just let them know so they can learn from their experience?

Speaker 1: 24:11

Experience, I'll tell you about something that hurt me but I admired and respected and maybe this is what makes me different than others is I was dating a guy I went to high school with, and not during high school, but after the fact in my 20s, and we were hot and heavy for a while. Dinners every night, and either I went to his place, he came to mine, we went to the movies and I felt like things were going great. I was like, hey, there's a relationship building here, until all of the sudden it was like, hey, I've had a great time with you, this and that has been great, but I just don't see a love connection here. Sudden it was like, hey, I've had a great time with you, this and that has been great, but I just don't see a love connection here. And I was like, literally, it's like that. I'm imagining the scratching of the noise on the record, the whole what, and I'm like we've literally been going out every night for like months. What happened for like months? What happened? And in that moment I had to sit in my feelings and go okay, I'm like I felt like everything was there Great sex, great communication, enjoying the same things, cooking for each other. And then all of a sudden it just ended.

Speaker 1: 25:32

And after I got over my own ego of what's wrong with me, what did I do wrong, and sat in my feelings and self-reflected and I thought he just didn't see a long-term love connection there. And he told me that. And after I got over myself and sat in my feelings, I'm like respect, there wasn't a love connection there, it wasn't a match for us long term. So isn't it better that he communicated that to me instead of just stringing us along until he met somebody else and said OK, deuces. I met this other person that I'm more compatible with and now he's happily married. I've seen him at the reunions and props to him. I've met his wife. They seem like a perfect match and I realized he did me a favor by doing that. I would rather somebody do that than continue to date me out of pity or just boredom and string me along until he found his person and then dump me. So why waste each other's time?

Speaker 1: 26:44

And yeah, looking back, I really appreciate that he did that and of course it was a bruise to my ego and I went down all the list of things of what did I do wrong and what didn't I do right. But then I just realized we just weren't a match. We weren't a match in his eyes and respect and thank you for being honest and I think that's one of the things that we are afraid of in today's society is just being open and honest about our feelings or our intentions. Now there's all these rules that we have to follow, where we don't call each other right away, wait to the third date before you do this and don't be too eager to text, don't text too much, don't call too much, but then make sure you call and text enough. I do think that there is an art form to these things. I will say I had a 90-day rule with the mister and previous men and some men were like 90 days, what, you want to wait 90 days till what? And I was like, well, clearly you're not my person if you can't wait 90 days.

Speaker 1: 28:09

And I actually appreciated that because it gave us time to get to know each other on a personal level, on an intellectual level. It wasn't just focused on the physicality of the relationship, because things can get lost with that right. Especially women, we are emotional creatures, especially women. We are emotional creatures. We go down that road and it's like, oh my God, this is so amazing, you're my person. And then the next thing, you know, you don't even know that this guy just broke up with his girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, fiance, didn't allow themselves to heal. Who knows? So in my mind, better to be open and honest and authentic and true to yourself and ask lots of questions, make sure that you're a match, make sure that your morals and spiritual beliefs, that everything aligns, and hopefully it does, and hopefully then you find your match. I think it's important to ask questions about common interests, hobbies. Yeah, I think that's where it starts. It's not enough people out there asking questions, they just tell you about themselves. Anyway, those are my theories on the subject.

Speaker 1: 30:03

I would love to hear more. I would love for all of my loyal listeners. I found out over the weekend I have some secret loyal listeners out there and while it's flattering to know that, I'm like, hey, have you liked and commented or even subscribed to my channel? Oh, no, no, no, I just secretly listen behind the scenes. I'm like how can I know who my Elkivators are if you don't like and subscribe to it? And you might have some insightful feedback for me that I am not even aware of because you're not chiming in. So, please, listeners, please like and subscribe to my channel If you like, subscribe, share and comment and comment. I accept all of the feedback.

Speaker 1: 31:02

Constructive criticism. I'm here for it. Do I get my feelings hurt as the sensitive crab? Yes, I might get my feelings hurt, but at the end of the day, you are going to help me to be better and that's where I need your constructive criticism, your feedback and your honesty, and hopefully you have some positives to share with the negatives, right. So please do me a favor, remember to like, comment, share. If this podcast isn't for you, maybe it's, you know somebody that will appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 31:37

I do try to keep my podcasts on theme, on topic. I talk about things that are relative, not just in my life, but relative to the world. I will say I try not to talk about politics or religion, because my theory on that is love unites us and politics and religion divide us. So I try to stay away from those, those topics in a heavy arena. Like I've told all of you, I'm Christian and I've told all of you that I'm very open about relationships and you know I don't have any judgment as far as that goes. But the other stuff I try to keep to myself because I don't want it to divide us. I want things to unite us and that's what I'm here for. So thanks for showing up, thank you for listening, thank you for watching.

Speaker 1: 32:46

Remember that you can find me on all the platforms Amazon Music, apple, spotify, youtube, deezer, podchaser, soundcloud. The only one I'm still trying to get through and I don't know what the hiccup is is iHeartRadio. I have submitted a million times and I'm still not there yet, at least not according to the things I look up, but most of you are on those platforms. You can find me, you can text in your comments, your questions. I'm really trying to build my YouTube currently, so I'm inviting everybody to like and subscribe to my YouTube.

Speaker 1: 33:23

But I'm on the majority of all the other platforms I mentioned and, yes, I look forward to hearing what you have to say, seeing you become a subscriber. If you want to become a paid subscriber, you can do so through all of those platforms. And, guys and girls, it's as little as a cup of coffee $3, $5, $8, $10. And what you get in return is I talk about you, your business, I build you up, I give you behind the scenes information, I send the pod to you personally before the public gets it, so you get a lot of credit for doing that. So, thank you all for listening and tuning in. Remember, like, share, subscribe, comment it helps the algorithm. Thanks for showing up for me tonight and until next time. Ciao. For now.