Love in the Digital Age

Marriage trends are shifting across generations as technology changes how we find partners and view commitment. Dating apps have become the primary way couples meet since 2019, while studies show singles over 40 have reached unprecedented numbers.

• Gen Z remains largely positive about marriage with 81% open to getting married
• Dating apps now account for 28% of how engaged couples meet
• Single women over 30 without children rank as the happiest demographic subset
• Young and middle-aged men report increasing loneliness influenced by dating app usage
• Marriage was once viewed as protecting women financially but this perspective is fading
• Nearly half of Gen Z who don't plan to marry still want relationship celebration parties
• Social media creates unrealistic relationship comparisons affecting satisfaction
• Singles can view their status as either validating independence or questioning self-worth
• Women are increasingly prioritizing education and career before partnership

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Chapters

• 0:00 Mindful Monday Introduction
• 3:52 Marriage Stats Across Generations
• 9:52 Dating Apps vs Traditional Meeting
• 14:15 Single Life and Self-Worth
• 17:58 Friend Zone and Dating Standards
• 20:15 Listener Acknowledgements and Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Bow, chicka, wow, wow, what's up? Party people, welcome to another episode of Elkivate your Life with the most S, l as in the letter L and key as in the key to your heart. So first things first, on this Mindful Monday, june 16th, is how was everyone's Father's Day On this Monday June 16th? I can't believe that. My birthday is one month and one day away, anyway, and Mr's is one month away from today, anyway. So how was everyone's father's day? Did all you dads out there get spoiled and enjoyed family and friends time? I certainly hope so. I did my best to give a shout out to all my dads on social media as well as did something special for the mister and the neighbor, made a huge brunch for the dads in our community, which was Mr and our neighbor friend Damien, who couldn't be with his daughter on Father's Day and after spent the rest of the day at the pool. So I have to say it was a win for our Father's Day. So I am curious.

Speaker 1: 2:43

I've been thinking about what I'm going to talk about on this Mindful Monday statistics, about how Gen Z and the millennials view marriage, and not just Gen Z. It kind of talks about Gen Z, the alpha generation, various. So I wanted to kind of share and find out your thoughts and opinions on this, because to all of you, baby boomers or Gen Xers, it's interesting to get a different perspective of how they view things. And after reading and researching, it makes sense why so? On an average weekend morning in lower Manhattan, 20 and 30 somethings clad in athleisure are seated or waiting in line for their coffee orders, most staring down at devices scrolling, swiping or texting. The age of technology has caught up to the first generation that grew up with iPhones, gen Z, and influenced and how they interact with the world, relationships included. I have to tell you, this is something that I definitely insert my opinion on.

Speaker 1: 4:37

When I go out and I see people on their phones and we're in a nightclub situation, there's music playing, people are dancing, and I see people on their phone and I've actually been the bold woman that's gone up to them and said what are you doing? And they're like oh, I'm texting or playing video games with my friend, or whatever. And I my response is yes, but why? And then, oh well, you know, because my friend's not here, and that's when when I say this is an opportunity for you to interact with other people enjoy the music, dance, talk to your bartender or the person sitting next to you. In our world today, for the new generations, where I know we all use our phone for, for maps for you know, I'm drawing a blank here the apps that we use ways, stuff like that, google maps, whatever we use them on how to get somewhere, we utilize them if we want to ask a question, but there has become such a breakdown in human and social interaction, and so I'm conflicted with it. So, anyway, back to what I was saying.

Speaker 1: 6:27

Since 2019, dating apps have been the most popular way engaged couples meet. Historically, people most often found marriage prospects through their community, through mutual friends, a restaurant, bar, coffee shop, at work or at school. Yet within the last decade, we've seen an evolution of dating habits 28% of all to-be-weds are now swiping, vetting and engaging with potential partners online. 75% of couples still meet through other mediums, but societal dating and marital habits have evolved as people have become increasingly reliant on technology. Another story is playing out for the millennials, many of whom experienced the shift from dial-up internet to high-speed Wi-Fi and were among the beta testers of the dating apps. There are more single people over 40 than ever before In 2021, a quarter of 40-year-olds in the US had never been married, up from 20% in 2010 and 6% in 1980. Of course, this is due to multiple factors. Women are more highly educated. Behavioral scientists state that single women over 30 without children are the happiest subset of people in the country. A groundbreaking recent report found that young and middle-aged men are getting lonelier, which is influenced by dating app usage as well as high standards for relationships. I hear a lot of these conversations about the high standard relationships, by the way, so I can understand, and I have friends that are over 40 that talk to me about these struggles, which is why I'm talking about it today.

Speaker 1: 8:31

Whereas marriage was once viewed as protecting women, with the man providing legal and financial support, such outdated views are dissipating. To add to the dialogue, marriage rights aren't guaranteed for certain communities, especially LGBTQIA plus couples. As of late, in July 2023, the Supreme Court set a new precedent after ruling that a Colorado website designer could deny services to gay couples based on her religious beliefs. So sad that we have to live in a world where people cannot just be accepted for who they are, who they love, what they like. I mean, my opinion of this is I'm not in your home and I'm not in your bedroom, so whatever you want to do is your right. So the question now remains is marriage still relevant? Well, among Gen Z respondents, 81% are open to the possibility of getting married, with 1 in 2 saying they definitely see it happening. In fact, the feelings related to marriage were exciting 66% and anticipatory 72% and only 8% expressed the belief that marriage is outdated.

Speaker 1: 10:13

There appears to be a growing opinion in marital perceptions between gen z and millennials. As people get older, our data shows that those who are single start to feel less strongly about the idea of marriage. Every generation of young people has to figure out what they want from life, says Charles T Hill PhD, a professor of psychology at Whittier College. Often there are expectations of getting married and having children to please parents, to meet an individual's personal needs, to prove their adult and sexual identities, even to confirm that they are desirable to others. Each has to figure out who they are and who they want to be. So I don't know if any of you have any thoughts or opinions on this, but I have a wide variety of age groups that listen to my podcast, from Gen Z, baby boomers, millennials, gen X and then the alpha generation Interesting that they call it the Alpha Generation, hmm, anyway, why Gen Z and Millennials view marriage differently?

Speaker 1: 11:37

The biggest reason is a difference in life stages and experiences. People in their 30s and 40s have gone through a period of social changes and, for example, there are more women than men in college and grad school, and career opportunities have expanded. There are more people in the age group who've actually delayed looking for a life partner because they were busy with their education. Priorities have shifted for women in particular. The other influential factor is a person's identity, including self-confidence, self-awareness.

Speaker 1: 12:16

For people who are older, singlehood can be validating. Many single people are confident and independent, and going alone can boost some self-esteem. It depends on how people think about it. And going alone can boost some self-esteem. It depends on how people think about it. This is where I would love to hear from the different generations and ask you to share your thoughts and opinions on this. What do you think? What does the younger generation versus the older generations think? It's really interesting to read this information and see how opinions have changed. Priorities have changed, but it also makes sense because online dating has become so much more popular than meeting people authentically in person at a restaurant, at a bar, at a coffee shop, through a friend at church, through a friend of a friend or a relative, or you know the way things used to happen.

Speaker 1: 13:44

So, on the other hand, some might feel insecure about their singlehood. They might think I should be married. Is something wrong with me? That obviously can lower self-esteem. On the flip side, a person could say, wow, I'm a whole person by myself and I have strengths, other people like me. It's not like I'm a hermit or an outcast. Marriage is not the only way to get validation and support. Marriage is not the only way to get validation and support.

Speaker 1: 14:09

Hill argues that the desire to marry also may be tainted by the ongoing economic, political and social climate. Some may be concerned about being able to support a spouse and children and concerned about the future state of the world regarding climate change, inflation, political division, especially in regard to bringing children into the world. Others may be concerned about attracting a spouse due to social comparison. Yeah, it talks about social media being a reason. It's a risk factor when people go on social media and start to think about others and wonderful relationships. It isn't good for the mind. For example, you're in a restaurant. It looks like all the other couples are having a fine time together. You might think they must be doing great, yet we don't know what they do when they go home and when they're not in a restaurant.

Speaker 1: 15:15

Society's reliance on dating apps and social media platforms create grounds for comparison. Wow, this is so true. Talking about the grass is greener on the other side, if we think about it. How social media portrays itself. Everyone is posting how fit they are, how happy they are, how in love they are. Nobody's posting or I don't want to say nobody. Those figures are not correct. There's not a lot of people that are posting doom and gloom, unless it's in regards to political respects or, you know, disagreeing with somebody else. On social media, the grass may appear greener from one perspective or even worse.

Speaker 1: 16:07

Research and experts say the answer is subjective. It boils down to your needs and priorities. If you're single, there's less responsibility for meeting the needs of a spouse and coordinating living together and reducing conflict, less responsibility for raising children. Also, those that are single have more freedom to do what they want and when they want, like a career or leisure activities, or play the field without commitments. So riddle me this, listeners what are your thoughts and opinions of all of this. Do you agree with the stats that I just shared with you or do you have a different opinion? I will tell you that it does.

Speaker 1: 17:06

The study discovered that nearly half of Gen Z respondents who don't plan to marry still anticipate throwing a party to celebrate their relationship. 36% of millennials plan the same, regardless of whether they plan to marry, most Gen Z respondents say they would throw a party in honor of the relationship. Okay, so I would love to know everyone's thoughts and opinions on this topic, especially to. Well, I kind of want to go through all the generations because, like I said, I have baby boomers that listen to my podcast. All the generations because, like I said, I have baby boomers that listen to my podcast Gen Zers, millennials, the Alpha Generation, the Gen Xers. So please share your thoughts. What do you think? Do you think that marriage is becoming a dying breed, or does it depend on the people, the religion, where they are in their life, if they're pursuing their education, and that's more important than a relationship?

Speaker 1: 18:16

A lot of factors come into play. Well, I know this one thing for sure I have a ton of single friends, various different generations, and the same basic struggles seem to apply, which is, you could be the greatest guy out there, but somehow you get put in the friend zone. So maybe you're being too nice, too friendly too what's the word I'm looking for Too much of accompanying to their needs early on, like, maybe you shouldn't be so I don't know. This is a tough one, because I'm thinking of my single friends, guys and girls, and it's like how do you avoid getting friend-zoned? You have to be a little bit more aloof, not so complimentary in the beginning, not so accommodating to the man or the woman. So many different obstacles to overcome, right. And then there are the very particular people, women that I know out there that have a certain standard that they're looking for. He has to be 6'4", blue collar, make this much money. So are the standards too high? Should they be more flexible? I don't know.

Speaker 1: 20:11

Lots of burning questions that I have, so I would love to hear your thoughts, your opinions. Before I forget, let me make sure that I acknowledge all of my loyal listeners and, first off, loyal listeners and subscribers Kara, kara Kitchell, lovemyartistetsycom. Love her super talented. Check out her page. She does everything from music to art to clothing, too much for me to mention. So check out her Etsy page, lovemyartistetsycom. The prices are reasonable. The products she has a variety of products, super talented individual.

Speaker 1: 21:05

Next up, we have Kyle Few. Professor Kyle, who wrote and is the author of the book Commitment to Love. Love is a verb, it can be found on Audible via Amazon and I tell all my listeners it doesn't matter if you are single in a relationship, engaged, married, looking for love. This is a book for you. It goes through all of the different levels of love and that it is a commitment. You know I'm hesitating to go on because it is something that it's something that has to be worked on every day, all day, all the time. There has to be a commitment there and, yes, I just I can so relate to what he writes about in this book and and the importance of it that it's. It's like a garden you have to water it, you have to nourish it, you have to make sure it gets enough attention sunlight, food, love, care, and so if you haven't checked it out, I highly recommend that you do.

Speaker 1: 22:40

Next up, jeff Parra, parapalooza. Jeff is a loyal listener, always willing to give me the unfiltered opinion of my podcasts and or just thoughts on life, and a super grounded individual that I totally appreciate. Namaste to you. Jeff Roger Havens, congrats on your win at the car show. Congrats on winning first place, awesome job, so happy for you about that. And I'm curious to hear how the dating life is going, if it's going, if you're pursuing it or not. And Mike Kaufman, mike Kaufman, thank you so much for being a loyal listener.

Speaker 1: 23:39

Commenter giving me feedback. Listener, commenter giving me feedback. If any of you are looking for water, he is your guy. He works for Primo Water, ready, fresh, and they have a great deal on filtration. No contracts and I'm not going to say too much because they're not paying me to advertise yet, but you know I would like them to. It would be great if they would be willing to sponsor me.

Speaker 1: 24:12

Hmm, did I leave anyone out? And then, of course, a shout out to my loyal listeners Dory, thank you for being a loyal listener and sharing your feedback. Oh, angie Germer Duh, almost forgot her. Angie Germer Thrive Lavelle, if you're looking to lose weight, hello, we are in the beginning of summer. If you need to get your summer bod on, or you just want to get healthy and or work on energy levels, immune boosters, they have something for everyone and you can find her website link on my page, as well as Kara Lisa Roberts Curbelo, still waiting on my birthday invite response. Hello, is anybody there? Uh, anyway, my luck is she's traveling with her man or working hard. But anyway, shout out to Lisa thank you for being a loyal listener and subscriber. I appreciate you so much and that's all I have time for this evening. So thanks for tuning in. Thank you for listening.

Speaker 1: 25:30

If you would like to become a loyal subscriber and or sponsor, you can easily do so. There is a link on my page that allows you to subscribe for as little as a cup of coffee or as much as a happy meal. If you're looking to do a sponsorship, I would love to collaborate with you, and most of my podcasts are informative, uplifting, talking about Mindful Mondays and Wisdom Wellness Wednesdays. And today's topic, I thought, is something to be mindful about and that we should all think about and consider about and consider, because maybe you are not one of those people, but maybe you have a son or a daughter or a nephew or a niece or a cousin that's struggling with these things and maybe they need to hear this.

Speaker 1: 26:34

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