Breaking the Cycle: How Childhood Patterns Shape Who We Become

Have you ever caught yourself reacting to a situation exactly like your parent would? That jarring moment of recognition—"I've become my mother/father"—sparked today's deep dive into the invisible patterns we inherit from our upbringing.

It all started with my admission about chronic lateness. After receiving feedback from a military listener about the importance of punctuality, I began examining why this has been a lifelong struggle. Through conversation with a friend who shares the same issue, we uncovered a fascinating pattern: our mothers would frantically stress about being on time, rush everyone else to get ready, only to become the cause of delays themselves. This childhood experience imprinted a contradictory relationship with time that we carried into adulthood.

This revelation led me to explore seven fundamental behaviors we unwittingly adopt from our parents: our reactions to anger and fear, approaches to mistakes and failure, ability to apologize, problem-solving strategies, conflict resolution styles, listening habits, and treatment of animals. I share personal examples of how these manifested in my life—from my mother's perfectionism shaping my self-criticism to her encyclopedic knowledge fostering my curiosity. Most importantly, I discuss how self-awareness has allowed me to recognize unhelpful patterns and consciously develop healthier responses over time.

What behaviors have you inherited from your parents? I'd love to hear your reflections and experiences in the comments. Remember to subscribe, share, and follow for more insights on personal growth and self-awareness. For just $3-10 monthly, you can support the podcast and have your business mentioned to our growing audience across the US, Canada, and UK. Your participation helps build our community of growth-minded individuals seeking to understand themselves better and break free from limiting patterns.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Wisdom Wellness Wednesday
• 1:00 Punctuality Issues and Parental Influence
• 4:39 Seven Behaviors Kids Learn From Parents
• 9:38 Self-Reflection on Learned Behaviors
• 16:14 Listener Engagement and Subscriber Benefits
• 19:29 Shoutouts to Sponsors and Subscribers
• 24:33 Closing Thoughts and Call to Engage

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Wow, chicka, wow, wow, what's up? Arty people, welcome to wisdom wellness wednesday. I am your hostess, with the mostess l as in the letter l and key as in the key to your heart. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you to all my loyal listeners, followers, subscribers. Shout out to Persimmon Dental. Persimmon Dental, where they are, a family practice that will take care of all of your dental needs, located in the Persimmon Plaza on Martinelli Way. If you are looking for a dentist, be sure to use hashtag Elkivate. So let's get into it.

Speaker 1: 1:00

Ladies and gents, I want to talk to you, so I talked a little bit in my last mindful Monday about the four agreements and one of the subjects I brought up was the fact that punctuality I was saying it is not my strength, it is a weakness and I am guilty as charged and Professor Kyle. Dr Kyle made it a point to share his input from being in the military and how important it is if you are on time, you're late, that you should arrive early and that in the military it's stressed to you about the importance of you. Being late could be literally a matter of life and death, and I really took that information to heart and so it got my friend, sue and I talking about how we're both guilty of being late and I was saying, well, I wonder if it has to do with our parents. And so it turns out that we had similar upbringings and that my mom would stress the F out about okay, we cannot be late, we need to make sure we are on time, we need to get ready for this barbecue. We got to be. You know, we've got to be at your grandma's house at two o'clock and you know, get your shiznit together and let's go, kind of thing right. And so it turns out so she would like stress the fact that we had to be on time and our mom had. Well, back then we would call it the Irish temper, right? Oh, that's just the Irish side of her, now, in hindsight, being 2020, not so sure if that's what it was, but anyway, that's just the Irish side of her. Now, in hindsight, being 2020, not so sure if that's what it was, but anyway, that's a whole nother episode.

Speaker 1: 3:11

So it turns out, as Sue and I are discussing how always late but worth the wait not really or really but that a lot of people say well, you know, it's disrespectful, it's disrespectful to the other person's time. It's not respecting yourself and your own time, yada, yada. So it turns out we had similar upbringings with our moms, who would make such a big fuss about we had to be ready on time. And so then we would be, we being me, my sibling, my brother, eric or, in her case, her sister, or you know the family, whatever. And then our moms would be like what the F? You're not ready, Get the casserole out of the fridge, get the watermelon, whatever. And it's like wait, we're ready, you're not. And now your anxiety is rubbing off on us and we've been sitting here waiting for you.

Speaker 1: 4:13

So did that set a precedence for us? Guess what it may have? Because, as she and I are having these similar conversations, I'm like hmm, so was that our coping mechanism? Was that something we were taught? What is that? So it got me thinking. I need to dive deeper. So let's get into it. Ladies and gents, by the way, l key, l keyvate your life. L the letter, l key the key to your heart. But also my co-host, chanel, is here just licking on her treat over here. Huh, chanel, she was barking at dogs. So I'm trying to talk loud and fast, because everyone is out walking their dog right now, and every time she sees one that gets in our vicinity she goes into protective mode. So let's hope there's no podcast interruptions, okay.

Speaker 1: 5:15

So, lifelong habits that your kids may have picked up from their parents. There was actually a list of seven, 10, so I'm gonna go through the seven. So, number one how you react when you are angry, frustrated or afraid Apparently we get this from our parents. Number two, how you handle mistakes and failure Hmm, interesting. Number three, how you apologize and handle being wrong. Number four, how you solve problems Hmm. Number five how you handle disagreements. Number six how you listen to others. And number seven, how you treat animals.

Speaker 1: 6:18

Seven lifelong behaviors kids pick up from their parents. So here's the fun fact, guys and girls, that I realized as I was reading this. I go OK, that would explain why Sue and I do things the way we do. Right, it was a learned behavior that we had to get anxious about getting ready, and it was really important for us to get ready, but then our parents weren't ready. They were always running late, so that kind of got instilled into us Because I am definitely guilty of.

Speaker 1: 6:59

Okay, we got to be at this function at this time and it takes me two hours, depending on what the occasion is, to get ready and then, sure enough, as we're walking out of the door to be to that function, whatever it is, I'll be walking out their door. I'll be like, yep, okay, ready to go. Yep, we're gonna make it there on time. And then I'll go oh shoot, I forgot my lipstick, I forgot my lip gloss, I forgot my sunglasses, I forgot my jacket, I forgot my water, whatever, until I end up going back and I end up being late. So I would love to hear your feedback on this, ladies and gentlemen. Gentlemen, I recognize it's not a good habit. Please know that I am aware of this and I am actively working on it. And I'll say to myself what I say to my husband don't try, do, okay.

Speaker 1: 8:01

That being said, how you react when you are angry or afraid, well, I can tell you the younger version of Elkivate your Life, aka Eva, in my Eva do today how I react when I'm angry, frustrated or afraid. Very much was my younger self, was very much on par for my mom Yelling, screaming, getting impatient, stressing out, just the whole thing. And now what I do is I take some deep breaths, I think about what is it I'm angry or frustrated or afraid about, and what can I do to not react? Respond, as my counselor would say.

Speaker 1: 9:02

Number two how you handle mistakes and failure. Okay, my mom was very much a perfectionist and I definitely recognize that my love languages are now words of affirmation, physical touch, all of the things I didn't get. So how I handle mistakes and failures? Not well, I am kind of a perfectionist and I do beat myself up. I do kind of go, darn it, I should have done this, I could have done this, I could have done that. But I say to myself but what is the lesson here? How could I do this differently and improve next time? Number three how you apologize and handle being wrong. Well, once upon a time I was not good at the apologizing or handling being wrong. Well, now my older adult self goes you know what you're. I did say that I did respond this way. That was wrong. I'm sorry, I can be better. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

Speaker 1: 10:20

How you problem solve. How you solve problems Okay, I'm very solution oriented now. Okay, I'm very solution-oriented now. I don't know if it's because I was a single mom at 25 years of age, so I had to be mom and dad and learn how to solve problems. I don't know if through trial and error, I just realized I have to be solution-oriented, I have to be able to figure out how to solve problems and I can't count on anybody else but myself. So I wouldn't say my younger self knew that, but my older self grew to know these things, how I handle disagreements very different in my older age than my younger age. Before I would get jealous, I would storm out, yell, scream, you name it. I did it. And now I just say you know what this conversation is making me uncomfortable. I don't like where this is going. I think we need to table this for later. I'm much more calm, cool and collected.

Speaker 1: 11:39

How you listen to others. Well, the whole reason I started this podcast is because everyone comes to me for not necessarily their problems, but most people I know come to talk to me friends, family, colleagues, yeah, strangers. So how I listen to others, I'm a very good listener. And seven how I treat animals. Well, I grew up with cats, dogs, fish. Always wanted a hamster. That was out of the question, because a hamster requires a cage, cleaning, a lot of maintenance that I guess my mom did not think I was going to keep up with, and was she right? Or did she just not want to deal with it or spend the money or whatever, I don't really know. I got to visit other people's hamsters I didn't get my own, but I did have cats, dogs, fish, and how I listened to others others.

Speaker 1: 13:09

If I were to reflect back on my mom, my mom, yes, my mom was a great listener, she was a great conversationalist, super smart, capricorn pretty much on par for Capricorn always trudging up the mountain to the top, always learning, and I mean no one could play Jeopardy like my mom. I'll tell you that. I mean, to this day, I'm like I would just watch her in awe when she would play Jeopardy, because there was no question she could not answer, and I'd like to think I got some of those smarts, some of that intelligence. I mean there's definitely things that I recognize, where I remember oh, I got that from my mom. When we would go on road trips she would point out the different birds and plants or flowers, and I definitely remember some things about that. Um, nationalities, uh, names, names tied to the nationality, like oh, that name is Polish because it ends in sk I or this name is this, because they're from there. You know things like that, I have to say. She shared a lot of her wisdom with me, so I definitely think there is some relevance to all of these.

Speaker 1: 14:38

So, listeners, what do you think? What do you think? Do you think that the seven things that I just mentioned, seven lifelong behaviors kids pick up from their parents? Do you think that you have picked up these things from your parents? I would love to hear your feedback and your thoughts, and you know you can text in. I am on all the platforms Amazon, music, apple, spotify, youtube. I encourage you to text in your responses to either Apple or YouTube. Spotify lets you review my podcast podcast, but not offer feedback.

Speaker 1: 15:26

And I would love to hear what do you have to say about this, because I feel like there's going to be some controversial information about this. Like, no, I don't agree. This is how I react when I get angry, or how I handle mistakes, or how I treat animals, or disagreements, or listening, whatever it is. I would love to hear your thoughts. So please text in your thoughts, your opinions, your questions, your answers, opinions, your questions, your answers, your ideas, your suggestions. I am here for you and, on that note. I want to remind you, when you like, share, comment, whatever. It does help the algorithm. It helps to get my name face podcast out there. Maybe my podcast is not for you or you don't listen consistently, but maybe you know of someone that could benefit from this information and you want to share it with your friend. Great, the more the merrier. I'm here for you, so please like, share, comment, subscribe.

Speaker 1: 16:49

Ladies and gents, you could literally subscribe for as little as a cup of coffee to as much as a freaking happy meal. I mean from three dollars, happy meal. I mean from $3, $3, $5, $8, $10 a month. And in return, what do you get? Well, what you get is I talk about you and your business and advertise you and your business to the world out there. Who listens to me? And I have to tell you the stats are this. I have to tell you the stats are this 49% men and 50% women, and the ages are from 18 to 80. So it's a wide range of people. I have people listening in the United States, in Canada and the UK, and so, yeah, who knows you subscribe to me. And so, yeah, who knows, you subscribe to me. I talk about you and your business and get your name out there, advertise your name and or your business.

Speaker 1: 17:55

So, on that note, shout out to Kyle Few Commitment to love. Love is a verb Found on Audible. Ladies and gents, we can all benefit from this book. Whether you are single, married, divorced, looking for love in a partnership, trying to bond or reconnect with your family, your loved ones, your kids, your parents ones, your kids, your parents, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your spouse, whatever it is, we can all benefit from this Audible Commitment to Love. Love is a Verb by Kyle Few on Audible via Amazon.

Speaker 1: 18:41

Jeff Pata namaste on. Jeff Pada namaste, thank you for reminding me to be true to myself, to be my authentic self. Thank you for reminding me to be resilient and just keep on persevering through the struggles of life and helping to remind me how to meditate and what that looks like. Thank you, jeff Namaste. Lisa Roberts Curbelo, looking forward to seeing you, hoping to see you at prom night. What, what? This Saturday night at Elevation, if you know. You know Also Kara Kitchell. Kara Kitchell, love my Etsy. Lovemyartistetsycom.

Speaker 1: 20:04

This woman is just anniversaries. She paints, she cooks. Check out her website. She has a lot of amazing things. That is just a masterpiece. She always. She also makes wedding favors. I mean too many things for me to list guys and girls. Okay, all right, did I list everyone. Angie, angie Germer Shout out to Angie Germer and thrivelevelcom.

Speaker 1: 20:39

My girl has got me on the right track yet again. During my mouth dilemma, I put on some weight because I had to eat earthly foods and I couldn't stick to my usual diet, and so I ended up gaining 10 pounds and I've lost six of the 10 within two and a half weeks. So she's helped me through. I'm on the elite plan, so I have a shake in the morning, I take supplements in the morning, I wear a dermal patch for 24 hours and then I take these supplements in the evening, called Balance, to help keep things balanced. And yes, so all of these things combined help me to control my appetite and help maintain my metabolism, help keep me regular and, like I said, I've lost six of of the 10 pounds in two and a half going on three weeks now. So it definitely works.

Speaker 1: 21:59

And I mentioned I well, I have mentioned her website before, but I angiegirmer757917.levelcom. Obviously you got to type in the forward slash and then Angie, a-n-g-i-e-g-e-r-m-e-r-757-917.levelcom, and they have various different plans, various different products, glp-1 stuff. She's lost like 47 or 57, some crazy amount of weight, and I mean I'm only at six pounds but whatever. But she's helped a lot of people. She's also on TikTok and all of these products are natural. She is a nurse I think she's a nurse for Kaiser, if I remember, and a lot of the nurses are on it. So it's definitely a plan that works and has worked for her and is working for me. So, yeah, check her out, check it out. If you're looking to do something, you can find her on Facebook. I just gave you her website to check her out.

Speaker 1: 23:41

And did I cover everybody, kara, jeff? Oh, shout out to Mike Kaufman. Sorry, saved the best for last. Thank you for being a loyal subscriber. Appreciate you drinking the pure life water as as I'm talking to you. And then, last but not least, roger. Shout out to roger. Thank you for being a loyal subscriber. I appreciate you.

Speaker 1: 24:11

Roger has overcome many adversities, including a stroke and relearning how to read, write, walk, talk, all of these things, and now is looking for love. So if any of you are in that same boat, I would love to hear from you Because, honestly, I'm trying to match up, roger. And well, if you want to know specifics. You flowers, show cars, and that's all I'm gonna say for now. Okay, hopefully that that gets somebody peaked, their interest will be peaked and, who knows, roger, maybe I'll find you a match through here. Anyway, thank you for listening, thank you for watching, continue to like, follow, share, comment, let me know your thoughts on today's topic. And I think that's it for now. Thank you to Persimmon Dental for keeping my teeth healthy and white. Persimmon Dental, located in Persimmon Plaza on Martinelli Way in Dublin, and ciao for now.