The Four Agreements: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Relationships

What happens when ancient wisdom meets modern relationships? 

In this heartfelt conversation, we dive deep into the transformative power of Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements and how they can revolutionize our interactions with others.

The journey begins with an exploration of what it means to be "impeccable with your word" in a world filled with gossip, criticism, and negativity. I share my personal struggles maintaining positivity while navigating life with a recently diagnosed autoimmune condition—how unexpected triggers can appear despite careful monitoring, creating unexpected challenges in staying true to this first agreement.

We then unpack the liberating practice of "not taking things personally," perhaps the most difficult agreement to maintain when feeling vulnerable. The conversation shifts to assumptions and the havoc they wreak on relationships, especially in our text-message culture where voice inflections and facial expressions are absent. Through candid examples from my own marriage, I demonstrate how making assumptions rather than asking questions leads to unnecessary conflict.

The most personally relevant agreement for me is "always do your best." I confess my lifelong struggle with punctuality and share a powerful analogy that changed my perspective: imagine someone holding their breath for the number of minutes you're late. This visualization reveals how my cute self-description of being "always late but worth the wait" actually communicates disrespect for others' time.

These aren't just philosophical concepts—they're practical tools for building stronger connections and avoiding needless drama. Which agreement resonates most with you? Which one challenges you the most? Join the conversation on social media or leave a comment on any platform where you listen to Elkevate Your Life.

Chapters

• 0:00 Memorial Day Intro
• 3:43 Four Agreements Philosophy
• 10:12 Punctuality and Personal Growth
• 19:05 Shoutouts and Listener Appreciation
• 22:20 Thrive Program Experience
• 26:15 Birthday Wishes and Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

bow chica-wow-wow. Good evening friends. Welcome to another episode of Elkevate your Life. I am your hostess, with the mostess L as in the letter L and key as in the key to your heart.

Speaker 1: 0:29

Today is Memorial Day. Thank you for your service. Everyone, I want to say thank you, to thank you. It's just really important to honor this special day, right For the reason that we celebrate this day. It is Monday, may 26th, and I have a lot to talk about today. I don't know if I'm going to do a video day or not. I did just want to just kind of touch on. Memorial Day is a federal holiday in the United States States for honoring and mourning the US military personnel who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces, and I wanted to make sure that we acknowledge that.

Speaker 1: 1:39

And bear with me guys You're going to hear me clearing my throat and making all kinds of noises, because the reason I didn't do a podcast last Monday or Wednesday is I came back from a little weekend getaway and I came back with a tickle in the throat and the tickle led to a sore throat, lost my voice and I still have big time head congestion. Apparently, there's a lot of things going around stomach bugs and the nasal ones, everybody thinks, oh you know, it's just my allergies, because the season changed, right, a lot of allergy sufferers like myself were getting worse with time and yeah, so I came back with a horrible, horrible virus and so I had no voice, I couldn't talk and I didn't get it back until Thursday. So here I am, so let's get into Mindful Monday and, as you know, I'm your hostess with the mostess and, as you know, I'm your hostess with the mostess, l as in the letter L, and key as in the key to your heart. So what are we going to dive into today? Relationships and ghosting and best practices with relationships and dating and honesty and being transparent, and what signs are compatible with what signs. And I'm happy to continue on that trajectory today, something I thought about and one of my listeners and followers and subscribers Thank you, kara we were talking about the four agreements. We're talking about the four agreements and Linda Santos, a friend of the family actually a friend of Mr's that became my friend actually sent us the book.

Speaker 1: 4:22

It's kind of ironic that she sent us the book, because I kind of chuckled when we got it because she said this helped me a lot in my marriage and she wrote a little personal message inside and I chuckled to myself because I thought she clearly doesn't know my husband, because my husband doesn't read unless it's sports stats news facts. It's sports stats news facts. Linkedin, facebook, instagram. Yes, you get the idea right. I haven't even heard any follow-up feedback on when he read Commitment to Love, love is a verb. He came home from a business trip and we sat at the dinner table and he said, okay, commitment to Love, love is a Verb, resentment, this, that, and just started going down some bullet points that he got from the one chapter or page that he read. I haven't heard any feedback since that time. So, just a little inside joke, my husband isn't somebody that's going to pick up a book and read it. It's just not his way, it's not his thing, it's not his style, he doesn't have the patience for it and and so, yeah.

Speaker 1: 5:44

So, going back to the four agreements, I revisited it when Kara said you know I have some ideas and suggestions of things that you could talk about that I think are very relevant in your existing topic lately and I think it's aligned with what you're talking about. And so, me being me, I revisited it and I thought you know what, kara. Per usual, you're giving me some great ideas and suggestions. So if you haven't read it, the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, it's a set of guiding principles for personal freedom and listeners. You certainly don't have to agree. You are welcome to insert your opinions and thoughts. In fact, I welcome it. As you all know, I'm on all the popular common platforms Amazon Music, apple, spotify, youtube, buzzsprout, podchaser, podcastle. The list goes on. So I welcome your feedback, your questions, your suggestions, your ideas or your input on any of my topics that I discuss.

Speaker 1: 7:13

So let's go over the four agreements. Shall we? Number one, be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity, only saying what you mean. Avoid gossip, criticism and negativity. I have to say that in reading these four agreements, I definitely do try to live by these.

Speaker 1: 7:45

Am I guilty of partaking in gossip, criticism and negativity? I mean, yes, I am Nobody's perfect and I'm certainly not perfect. I wish I could say I am, but none of us are perfect, right? So? And the reason I'm telling you this is one I work at a school, so I hear all kinds of stuff from the students and the just everyone around, and there's definitely gossip or criticism or negativity that gets thrown in there. I will say on this note that I really do try to be mindful of keeping a positive attitude, which is challenging with, which is challenging with all of the things that life's been throwing at me lately, recently being diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disease and it could become curable, but for now it's not. So it's hard not to be negative about those kinds of things. In fact, just recently I discovered, when my friend asked me oh, by the way, how is your mouth doing? I go, it was better. And then I ate or drank something and it reacted my mouth and I don't even know what triggered it and I'm pretty mindful of watching what I eat and drink now. But I think it was just one of those things that I didn't expect it to aggravate me and it did, and I didn't even really notice at the time until after. So, yeah, that's so.

Speaker 1: 9:38

That's number one be impeccable with your word. Number two don't take anything personally. I always have to laugh when I read or hear that oh, don't take it personally. Okay, what others say and do is a reflection of their own reality. Do is a reflection of their own reality, not a judgment of you. I will say. I have experienced that quite often, especially lately, with various different people that I have been in communication with, and while I tell myself not to take it personally, it definitely. It definitely is something that has to be worked on. It just regularly, right, especially if you are feeling vulnerable about yourself or your situation or your existing circumstances, but I do think it is true. What others say and do is a reflection of their own reality, not a judgment of you.

Speaker 1: 10:58

Number three don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and express your needs clearly to avoid misunderstandings. Now I will say this and it might sound like I'm picking on certain people when I talk about this, but then it wouldn't be. What's the word I'm looking for? I don't want to just be the agreeable podcaster. There has to be some controversy in the things that I share and we talk about. So don't make assumptions. Perfect example Mr aka Mike often makes assumptions and isn't necessarily comfortable asking questions or comfortable expressing needs to clearly to avoid misunderstandings. He'll just be like oh, I thought you wanted this and I thought you said that, and anyway, I'm simply using him as an example. I don't mean to throw him under the bus because I'm sure I'll have other people that I'm going to talk about in these, but I do think it's a great agreement. Don't make assumptions, find the courage to ask questions and express your needs clearly to avoid misunderstandings. And I will give you an example of something I've done myself.

Speaker 1: 12:36

We live in a world where texting is so convenient, it's done so frequently and it's just become a thing right. Nobody wants to pick up a phone and have a conversation, it's all, let's just text each other. And I often find that after I have a text communication with one of my friends, co-workers, whatever I'll go, hmm, I feel like they didn't receive that the way I meant that. And why is that? Because you can't hear voice inflections, you can't see facial expressions, so things can definitely get lost in translation. So I do think this is a great agreement.

Speaker 1: 13:28

Number four always do your best. Okay, well, I can tell you, coming from a very particular Catholic upbringing, mom, my mom instilled that into me Always do your best, and so your best will vary depending on your circumstances. Don't beat yourself up for not being perfect, but strive for your highest effort. I definitely. That one definitely resonates with me. In fact, I'm going to tell on myself right now I am not one for being punctual and all of my listeners out there friends, family sure you can call me out on it, you can leave a comment about it, you can say yep, that's Elkie. She takes two hours to get ready, whatever, whatever. Yes, that's true, I own it and punctuality is not my strong suit. And punctuality is not my strong suit and in fact, I have a saying that goes along with it.

Speaker 1: 14:56

When I'm going to a party or a friend's house or work or whatever it is, I go always late but worth the wait, as if it's a cute thing, right? Well, it's really not. It really is disrespectful, it really is a bad habit to have and it definitely is something that I am making a sincere, conscious effort in. I remember my former supervisor years ago told me this is the example my dad gave me when I was a teenager and I came home late after curfew and it's a great analogy, by the way. He said okay, you need to be home at midnight. Midnight on the dot, you cannot be later than midnight. And she walked in the door at 1205 and her dad was sitting in the chair waiting for her and she's he's like you're late, goes. Oh, it's only five minutes late, dad, and he goes. Imagine sitting here holding my breath for five minutes. That's what you need to think about when you are given a time to show up for something. That, if you are that late, imagine holding your breath for that long. And I have to say I mean and this woman was my boss, got over 10 years ago and it stuck with me because I thought, wow, that's a really great analogy with me. Because I thought, wow, that's a really great analogy and I really need to visualize that when I'm doing that to people, that I'm not respecting their time and it's just a bad habit, right.

Speaker 1: 16:58

So I would love to hear what everyone's thoughts are on this. How do you feel about the four agreements? Do you follow them? Do you agree with them? Have any of you read the book? And, if you have, I would love to hear what your thoughts are about it, because the more I go back to it and read it and remind myself, I mean they seem like very basic rules, but I feel like they're basic but they're very important rules that we really should try to be mindful of and don't try. Do right, all right.

Speaker 1: 17:54

So before I forget, I want to make sure I say thank you to persimmon Dental, who takes care of mine and my husband's teeth. Persimmon Dental, located in Persimmon Plaza in Dublin, family dental practice. They're awesome. They have great hours. I think I've shared this before. They're located on Martinelli Place and in the Persimmon Plaza Shopping Center. Dr Lamb, teresa just all the staff are wonderful. I mean, I haven't had one bad hygienist or a receptionist or anybody. From the minute you walk in the door until you leave, you are treated like family and that is what I love about them. So shout out to Persimmon Dental and if you have dental needs, you're looking for a dentist, hashtag Elkivate. Make sure you give that to them so that they know that you heard of them through me.

Speaker 1: 19:03

And I want to say thank you to my loyal subscribers. Roger Havens, shout out to Roger, who is our uh. You know, roger has overcome so many obstacles um had a stroke, had to rehabilitateitate, learn how to walk again, talk again, write again, loves his gardening, loves his flowers, has a passion for dancing and physical health and is a single bachelor out there looking for love, and I'm hoping to help him find it. So shout out to Roger. Thank you, jeff Potter, my loyal listener. Subscriber, namaste Jeff. Uh, he always gives me such insightful, helpful, give it to me straight advice and and I really appreciate that about Jeff. So, jeff, thank you, professor Kyle. Dr Kyle, thank you so much for being a loyal listener and subscriber. I appreciate you still going back and forth with your book.

Speaker 1: 20:20

Commitment to Love Love is a Verb. It can be found on Audible via Amazon. Get it today. It is a great book. No matter if you're single, coupled, going through divorce, marriage, just need help on Commitment to Love. Love is a Verb. What does it mean? It is an excellent book that can benefit anyone, so I highly recommend it to any of all of my listeners. Mike Kaufman, thank you for being a loyal subscriber To my husband. Thank you for being a loyal subscriber, a loyal listener.

Speaker 1: 21:00

Now, if you could just help get me some more listeners. Um, kara, kara Kitchell, lovemyartistetsycom, super talented um, she has an Etsy account, has everything poetry, music, wedding favors, clothing, artwork, just yeah, check out her website, lovemyartistetsycom. And she's a loyal listener and she's the reason I talked about the four agreements today. So thank you, kara, and I want to make sure I included everybody. Lisa Roberts Curbelo. Last but not least, lisa Roberts Curbelo, thank you so much for being a loyal listener, a loyal friend and supporting me.

Speaker 1: 22:03

And just being a loyal friend and listener, gosh, I'm trying to make sure that I don't forget anyone or leave anyone out. I did want to share something with you. I have been on a program that my friend Ange helped get me started on. It's called Thrive by Leveler Lavelle and it basically helps fill the nutritional gaps and deficiencies by giving the body premium grade nutrition in a simple one, two, three system. I'm actually on the Thrive Elite experience and it just offers weight management nutrition and, yeah, it offers a variety of different packages. Like I said, I'm on the Thrive Elite experience. I did this through Angie Germer.

Speaker 1: 23:10

So if any of you follow me through any of the social media platforms, angie Germer I know her through Facebook. I'm trying to find her link here. Guys, give me a minute. Well, I can tell you she is on TikTok and let's see, here it is Spitz my gosh, I'm trying to find her. Sorry, I'm going through all the posts trying to find her Website. Angie Germer, h-t-t-p-s. Semicolon Forward slash Forward slash. Angie Germer A-N-G-I-E-G-E-R-M-E-R, 757-917.levelcom. And I'll make it a point to include it in the podcast content. But yes, I've been on her program, for it's going on week three and I've lost six pounds.

Speaker 1: 24:41

Most of my friends would say I'm always on a diet or something. And yeah, I'm just always trying to make sure that I keep my health in check and that I am feeding my body the appropriate vitamins and minerals and all the things it needs. So shout out to Angie Germer and all the things it needs. So shout out to Angie Germer, hope that you will check it out. She is on Facebook.

Speaker 1: 25:06

Tiktok, I gave you the spelling of the name, let's see. And her, bear with me, I'm trying to find her. Oh, my gosh, I was trying to find her. Oh, it is capital b, lowercase l. U. L blue heart u at may may 1973. Ul. Blue Heart U at MayMay1973. And MayMay is M-E-M-A-E 1973. That's her handle on TikTok and, like I said, you can find her on Facebook. I left you the link and it'll probably show up in my content page so you'll be able to look for it. See it, all that good stuff. I think I covered everything. Hope you're having an amazing Memorial Day.

Speaker 1: 26:17

As for me, I kind of laid low, other than, oh, shout out to Sia Kelly, my little nephew. It's his second birthday today. We attended his birthday party at the Baptist Church in Fremont yesterday and celebrated him yesterday, but his actual birthday is today. So happy birthday, my little nephew. Many blessings to you, happy birthday to anybody else who is celebrating a birthday today, this week, this month, and I think that's all I have. So thank you all for listening. Tuning in Travis, I'll be trying out those microphones on Wisdom Wellness Wednesday. Thank you so much. Thank you to all my listeners and supporters. Appreciate you, love you so much. Thanks for tuning in and ciao for now.