Mindful Monday Embracing Life's Unexpected Journeys 031025

Chapters

• 0:00 Mystery Mouth Condition Update
• 11:30 Family Absence and Facebook Support
• 18:45 The Gift of Discernment
• 25:36 Losing Mom and Final Goodbyes
• 38:42 Signs From Beyond
• 49:10 Appreciating Life's Connections
• 1:12:54 Supporter Shoutouts & Etsy Highlights

Transcript

Elke Poness: 0:00

Bow, chicka, wow, wow, what's up friends? Happy Mindful Monday on this Taco Tuesday. Yeah, so a little bit of bad news. I'm probably going to be all over the map tonight. Last night I recorded the most amazing podcast. It was an hour long. Yes, I'm patting myself on the back. It was such a great podcast. It was me speaking authentically about friends, family life, death, heartfelt thanks to people, shout outs to people. It was just such a great podcast that just rolled off the tongue and was totally authentic. And when I went to record and save the audio, I saved an audio that was quiet, wah, wah.

Elke Poness: 1:17

Here I am again in attempting to rekindle and remember all that I recorded yesterday and I sincerely hope that I can remember because it was literally like one thought spun into another thought. You know when you gain momentum and you just go down a rabbit hole and you're like, how did I even get here? Well, that's what happened and I feel it was the best podcast ever. I was so proud of it and I'm so pissed. But anyway, here I am. Thanks for showing up, thanks for listening.

Elke Poness: 1:45

For those of you that don't know who you're listening to, this is Elkivate your Life, and I am L, the letter L and key, as in the key to your heart. So let's get into it. First of all, family friends, thank you for joining. Thank you for being a loyal listener If you're a regular, thank you. I appreciate you showing up for me. Welcome to the people that have been listening. Well, you kind of know what's been going on in my life and I was coming on to just recap and bring you up to date on some things, but then also to get into some new topics and just kind of going through my brain files of how I started my podcast yesterday and how I jumped into all these other subjects.

Elke Poness: 2:49

So, first things first, those of you that have been listening and following, you all know that I have had a chronic mystery mouth pain condition for going on 10 weeks now. Yay, big fun. Yeah, no, and I'm really sorry guys, I'm trying to untangle my cord and something has happened with my software. I really need an expert here. I record on Audacity and I changed up the settings one night because I was trying to use the noise removal and the noise reduction and all these fun things that you can use. And yes, I know we can go on Google and YouTube and learn all this stuff. Yes, I'm aware. Anyway, I made the mistake of playing with the settings too much and now when I try to go back, it's a clusterfuck. I don't know what happened.

Elke Poness: 4:03

I keep trying to go back to how I used to be able to remove and reduce the noise and it just makes the sound worse. And I've gone from one extreme to the other and I can't seem to figure it out. Even watching the tutorials I'm like what? What happened? And I'll admit I haven't been the most patient person lately for a number of reasons.

Elke Poness: 4:30

So, going back to mystery mouth chronic it's a tongue twister, chronic pain, mystery mouth condition. A chronic pain, mystery mouth condition. So basically, one day I wake up and I'm like what the heck is going on with my mouth. It went from my mouth's a little dry, Let me drink some water to. Oh, my God, I'm in so much pain. I need to call the advice nurse. Call the advice nurse. Call the advice nurse. Describe that out of nowhere I developed lesions, rash, inflammation, swelling, all this stuff on the inside of my cheeks, mucosa, like the inside of my lips and my tongue has this burning, tingling sensation all the time. So I call the advice nurse. She says there's no appointments available. We could do a telephone appointment I don't know, it was like within the next, I don't even remember how long because it's been such a whirlwind ever since.

Elke Poness: 5:39

I talked to my doctor. She prescribes me a paste over the phone. I just described the symptoms. She prescribes me a paste over the phone. I just described the symptoms. She's like oh yeah, sounds like this. Try this for a week or two. Yeah, no, didn't work. Next, ENT prescribes me prednisone six times a day, six doses plus a wash, a rinse, four times a day, yada, yada. That doesn't work. Okay, now we're pulling out the big guns. They're like if this and this and this doesn't work, uh, then we're going to do a biopsy. Did a biopsy? Well, guys, all of my blood tests throughout, all of the doctor visits, urgent care biopsy everything has come back with. You're fine, everything's fine.

Elke Poness: 6:26

Next Monday is dermatology and hoping, praying that they can give me answers and resolution and relief where I am currently to all of you loyal listeners is imagine, imagine waking up one day and going oh, I'm so tired and I want to hit the snooze and thank god, I can have my coffee. Nope, you wake up and you can't have your coffee anymore. I don't care how you make it, if you have it hot, cold, iced latte, espresso, whatever, whatever Blended Nope Can't do coffee Know why? Burns your tongue, burns your mouth, terrible pain. So you discover you can't have that and then you're like, oh well, it's fine, I'll just move on to my broccoli carrot snack pack that I have for lunch. Oh, but wait, you shouldn't have cheese and you shouldn't have that. Those beef sticks that have stuff in there that you shouldn't be eating, you know, like trans fat and basically not whole foods, right? So there goes that idea.

Elke Poness: 7:48

And then Dr Kyle, professor Kyle, guru Kyle, author of Commitment to Love; l ove is a verb tells me shouldn't be having dairy. You're cleaning your blood. You're doing the coffee enemas, you're doing all these things. Dairy will cause mucus, mucus will cloud your blood. You're doing the coffee enemas, you're doing all these things. Kyle as you're listening to this, you're probably chuckling as I'm not explaining it correctly but I'm just trying to make a point here.

Elke Poness: 8:15

Guys, imagine waking up and finding out all the foods and beverages that you are accustomed to having you can no longer have. I went from enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning and or a cold evening to no, no hot chocolate in the evening, no citrus fruits or vegetables and no spicy foods and no alcohol. Welcome to my life. I know you're going okay. Well, we all have to make adjustments when life changes, but imagine it just happening overnight and then going on for 10 weeks !! To all of my foodie friends out there. Try to appreciate this. Okay, my favorite fruits and vegetables are strawberries, grapes, peaches, grapefruit, potatoes, blts, on occasion, poke, sushi, mexican food. I mean, here it is Taco Tuesday and I'm like, oh, I would love a taco right now. But basically I am now on a bland diet that involves fresh food, soft food, bland food.

Elke Poness: 9:51

Until I can figure out what this is and, ladies and gentlemen, I have a feeling I know what it is. I don't even want to speak it out burning mouth syndrome. But if it is burning mouth syndrome, most people have to learn to live with it. There isn't a cure for it. Some people have it for months, years. Yeah, it might calm down a little bit, but be prepared for your life to change forever, ever, ever, ever. Yeah, you catch my drift. Yes, yes, I'm being dramatic because I really want you to feel my pain, okay, now that I got that out.

Elke Poness: 10:35

So next appointment is dermatology. So, in the meantime, what am I doing? I'm advocating for myself. Folks, folks at home, like I said last podcast, learn to advocate for yourself and learn how to listen to your body. In other words, I just ate A, b and C and all of a sudden my stomach hurts. I wonder what caused it. Well, that's what I am now doing with my mouth. So I have to listen to my body. If I eat something or drink something and it irritates my mouth, then I know it's not a good idea for me to have it, because it probably is doing damage to my taste buds, the ulcers in my mouth. It's probably prolonging this dilemma. So there you go. Okay, I'm done. I'm done crying on your shoulder.

Elke Poness: 11:37

Moving on to other exciting news. So, all the while this is happening, my family was kind of MIA, not here for it, and I'm sure they were. And this is not showing. This is not throwing shade people. This is just where it was as of Mindful Monday. Things have shifted, but I'm going back to last night's episode, so bear with me.

Elke Poness: 12:08

So, all the while this is going on, the people that are showing up for me, to my surprise, are my long-lost Facebook friends that I've gone to high school with. Just random people are reaching out and calling and texting and messaging and brainstorming and throwing out ideas, which I totally appreciate. And why did they know? Well, allow me to explain. I haven't been out for 10 weeks because I can't find the gumption to go and do makeup, hair, clothes and go out, because I'm like, all right, I really miss socializing. But wait, I can't have a cocktail, I can't have soda, I can't have carbonated. What am I going to have? Herbal tea, sure, water, sure, it just doesn't have the same oomph in it. I'm thinking, okay, well, I can just go socialize and, you know, drink the things I can drink and meet my friends for, and meet my friends for breakfast, lunch, dinner. And then there's okay, now where are we going to meet and what will I be able to eat, depending on where we're going? So there you have it.

Elke Poness: 13:38

I ended up posting, asking everybody to just say a prayer for me and kind of explain my story and why I haven't been able to show up for birthday parties infamous band members. Groove line birthday parties, Cathenas infamous birthday party that I never miss. We haven't missed since we've known each other. I've missed out on some really great parties. I'm determined to make it out this weekend. So look out, world, here I come, hear me, roar. You might not even recognize me. I might look like a different person, Just saying look like a different person, just saying . Anyway, apologies to all of the parties I've missed Jackie and Michael's after wedding celebration, slash birthday party, Cathena's birthday party, Groove lines debut at local events. God, I miss so much. I'm hoping to make it out for St Patrick's Day, where? no idea, Haven't gotten that far. All of this is happening All the while I'm battling with our new staff here at where I live.

Elke Poness: 15:07

All the staff I used to know, the office people, the maintenance people, they all left and well, let's just say I'm in negotiations with them as much as I am with my doctors. My cup runneth over, okay. So let me try to go back to my Spongebob brain files. If any of you watch Spongebob, you know what I mean. Did you ever see the episode where he has so many brain files? Did you ever see the episode where he has so many brain files that he lights some on fire to make room for new ones. I can't help but chuckle by myself. You know, I hope my kids listen to this one I'm going to make it a point to send to them and I really hope they listen.

Elke Poness: 16:00

So we used to watch SpongeBob together. I still to this day remember it, love it, enjoy it. And there's an episode where literally, his brain was so full with his brain files and there they were literally showing file cabinets with all of the the files in his brain, that he decides to light a fire in his brain to make room for more. And then when he tries to go back to his old memories, some of them are on fire. He can't go back to them. So that's why I use the reference SpongeBob brain files. Okay, it might be funnier if you saw the episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. But to those of you who have seen it and watched it, you know what I mean. It was funny, come on Anyway.

Elke Poness: 16:51

So I was telling you it's interesting when something happens to you, the people that show up for you, and what I was talking about was that unexpected people were showing up for me, a lot of friends from high school. Scott Antonucci, thank you, sandra Dedue. Thank you Renee Wallace, danae Chisholm, lisa Johnson. Wow, she's like my sister, so it's not surprising that she showed up.

Elke Poness: 17:24

But basically I think the family, maybe they were just like it's just a mouth thing, no big deal, it's gonna go away. It's not like it's a cold sore, ladies and gents. It's way way more than that. No, the inside of my cheeks looks like spider webs, like it's. It's creepy. It's really hard to describe, but if you can imagine textured spider webbing as the inside of your cheeks, where it's pink and grayish and white, and then ulcers all along the inside of your lips, gums, so that anytime you're talking, eating or drinking, if your mouth or lips get dry, and sometimes your lips get stuck to your gums, it's painful. Anyway, that's what I'm dealing with. So the family hasn't really been showing up as often as I would like, and an example would be my friends Sue, Julie, Lisa, Miss Sameena.

Elke Poness: 18:41

They would probably ask how's your mouth doing? Are you able to eat more foods yet? Have the doctors figured out what's going on? Is it getting any better? Is it getting worse? Are you able to sleep? Okay, those are the kinds of questions I get. Uh, yeah, well, my son hasn't even called to say hey, mom, how are you doing? How's your mouth?

Elke Poness: 19:21

Uh, Brooklyn did show up for me. She showed up for me in a huge way when I was frustrated about the doctors and the remedies not working. She brought over her what was left of her sea moss gel, which I was scared of. Um, she brought over tinctures because her boyfriend's mom had dealt with having toxic blood and having to go through all these homeopathic remedies. And she brought me, you know, some foods and beverages that I could have. And she showed up to go with me to buy my biopsy, because I needed somebody that would show up for me, hold my hand, be empathetic, be nurturing and no offense, mister, but he's not really that guy.

Elke Poness: 20:13

Again, this is not throwing shade, ladies and gents. What I will say is people on the spectrum, they process things differently. It's not as if they don't have empathy, it's that they express it differently. It may not show up on their face, or with their actions, the nurturing might look a little bit different. Now, if I was in a corgi dog suit, I might get a little bit more, because he loves his corgis. Yeah, are you picking up what I'm putting down?

Elke Poness: 21:03

It's just different.

Elke Poness: 21:05

Anyway, my daughter came with me to my biopsy and took care of me that day. God bless her, let's see. And my son? Well, my, my son isn't nearby. He's a phone call away but he's not. Uh, he works a lot. Our schedules are conflicting, he's been unwell for a long time and I guess we're just not

Elke Poness: 21:37

We all have stuff going on in our lives, right, and we all process things differently. So my son, my daughter, mr and I were just not in that warm and fuzzy space of inquiring minds want to know every day the people that have reached out Bill Long, like I said, Sandra, Kara, Danae, Scott, trying to think of who else has been reaching out Jerry, Miss, Sameena, Lisa and this is not throwing shade at people I understand and recognize. We all have stuff going on in our lives. There's a lot of changes happening within the world today and maybe due to people's profession or just things going on in their own lives that they're not thinking about, asking me how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, what's the prognosis, have you made any progress? Or even just to "say that really sucks. I can't imagine waking up one day and not being able to eat and drink the things you used to. And people, I have perspective. I know that there are other people out there that are suffering more. There are people that are battling cancer or going through a miserable divorce or, you know, lost their home in the fires limbs, eyes, ear. I have perspective of all that. But I'm just saying, when people close to you don't inquire or ask or show empathy or anything, it just might make you get in your feels a little bit. But then also the flip side of it is it is making me self-reflect and go, instead of focusing on the people that are not checking in with you, focus on the people that are. And, with that being said, that is where I have put my attention to. So that's what I'm trying to focus on.

Elke Poness: 24:34

And Kyle and Amor I left you guys out, I apologize. Kyle has been awesome. He has told me what to eat and drink for my specific blood type. Amor sent me all kinds of information. So, doctor, professor, guru, kyle, I thank you, and thank you Amor for emailing me all the info. I really appreciate you. And so, yeah, I just I guess I just wanted to share that with you.

Elke Poness: 25:27

But one of the things I remember that I was talking about yesterday was what do you do so, squirrel? And when I say squirrel, if you've, I use a lot of movie references. When I say the reference squirrel, it is from the movie Up where the dog goes squirrel and he just stops and loses his attention to what he was doing because he goes to look at the squirrel. So, squirrel, do you ever wonder, or has this ever happened to you, where you communicate with your friends through social media platforms TikTok, instagram, Facebook, whatever and you send each other videos and you send things that you know that they'll enjoy. It might be something funny or heartfelt, or a tender message or an I love you, whatever it is and then you get a thumbs up. And then you get a thumbs up, a heart, a smiley face, a thank you. You get something back.

Elke Poness: 26:45

What do you do when you get nothing? I would love to know, because that's what was happening with me up until today, up until I flipped the script, by the way. Did I do my? I'm 27 minutes in and I'm like did I do my bow and shake a wow, wow, did I do that at the intro? If I didn't, my bad Okay, better late than never, anyway.

Elke Poness: 27:27

The reason I ask is that's been happening to me lately. I've been because I've been incommunicado with some of these people. I'm like, oh well, this is making me think of them or whatever the case, and so I send them these heartfelt things and then I don't get a response, except for maybe I'll get a heart on the cat video from my son, because he has two cats and he loves cats. But then all the other ones I get crickets, and I'm like, uh, okay, I don't really know how to interpret that. Do I take that personally? Do I take that as you liked the cats but you could care less about the other stuff? Like I don't know what to do with that. So yeah, I'm just wondering have any of you faced that conundrum? I would love to know.

Elke Poness: 28:27

Uh, it happens with the mister a lot too. I'm like I sent you a, b and c and I didn't get anything back and he'll go well, I watched it. I'm like, okay, I know you watched it because it says read or seen three hours ago, but did you like it? Did you love it? Did you hate it? Did you puke over it? Did it warm your heart? Did it make you smile ? Anything?! Can I get some emotion out here? Anyway, have any of you experienced this?

Elke Poness: 29:17

Well, if you would like to share your thoughts, which I would love to hear, you have the opportunity through any of the podcast platforms of Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Youtube, Amazon Music, Podcastle, Deezer, Podchaser and this platform that I record on, which is Buzzsprout. Guys, I don't list all of the platforms because it would take me too freaking long to list them all. I just have to hope that you know. You know all the other platforms. I gave you a handful. And, yeah, according to my friend Kara, she also listens to me on SoundCloud, which is awesome. Didn't even know about that. Okay, so moving right along. So, yes, you have an opportunity. It will say text in a message or fan mail or something along those lines, and you can actually text in your question your idea, your thoughts, your comments, your feedback, and then I will usually respond back to you and these thoughts, ideas, opinions, whatever I can also pin to my podcast so that other people can see the feedback, which is kind of cool.

Elke Poness: 30:58

The feedback, which is kind of cool, all right, so something that I remembered, that I spoke about yesterday and I really wanted to share with you because I was really tapping into a vulnerable side of me and I found it to be an interesting story and I don't know how I got on the topic yesterday. Maybe it was about how important it is to stay connected to family friends and I think I was going down the list of family and friends that were MIA. So I posted some things on Facebook about my condition, saying if you haven't seen me or heard from me and you haven't, you know, I haven't showed up to your party or whatever. This is why. Well, I made it a point to tag family members that I don't see, and they only see me or know of my whereabouts through Facebook. I tagged my Aunt Terri, my brother Erik and my stepsister Daphne, stepmom Simone and stepbrother Boris, and some of them responded and some did not, and sadly it was Erik and Terri that didn't chime in.

Elke Poness: 32:35

And, like I said, my son and I have been in a weird place since the holidays. He couldn't come for Christmas, he was sick, transportation problems, it was just a list of things, and we haven't been able to reconnect since, and now I feel like some tension has built, maybe some unresolved feelings from our past, maybe I don't know, who knows, we never know what's going on on people's lives Maybe depression, maybe resentment, maybe hurt, I don't know. But you know what He's got a birthday coming up, so I'm sure we will resolve it, hopefully by March 21st. Shout out to Brandon, my son, Brandon Linton.

Elke Poness: 33:31

I think the way I was going about so I think the way I was going about sharing this personal story that I really wanted to share with you was I was talking about listening to your body and having the gift of discernment and intuition, and I was sharing that I have that gift. I wasn't even aware it was a gift until talking with my Christian friends, and I'll give you some examples. O ne is I was very close friends with a firefighter friend and I'm at work one day and all of a sudden I feel winded, as if I was doing tricks on the monkey bars and I fell off and the wind was knocked out of me. But the air was knocked out of me, right. And I speak to my firefighter later that day hey, how's it going? How you're doing, how was your day?

Elke Poness: 34:37

Oh, yeah, you know, typical day fighting fires, jumping out of a building, what? Hold on, tell me the story. So he proceeds to tell me that he jumped out of I want to say 10 story, but I don't know, it was something extreme. Okay, I know you're like, jumped out of a 10 story building. Yeah Right, dude, I don't remember the details now, but I I do know that he had to jump out of a building because of the fire that he was fighting at, a jump out of a window and it knocked the wind out of him. Now, mind you, he's telling me this story before I even say, oh my God, I went through this at this time. So he's just telling me oh, you know, typical day fighting fires, jumping out of a burning building, putting out a fire, jumping out of a window, yada, yada. And he proceeds to tell me how he jumped out of the window and it knocked the wind out of him.

Elke Poness: 35:43

And literally the time that he describes all this was the time that I experienced that. Suddenly my Christianity took on a whole new meaning. I remember telling my one of my co-worker friends, brother Phil, as I used to call him, and those of you that listen out there, brucie, shout out to Brucie. Brucie listens, blast from the past. You can do it, brucie. Sorry, sometimes I go off on a tangent when I think of people's names and nicknames. He goes by Bruce, but I call him Brucie because of Matilda. There we go with the movie reference reference again. Anyway, so my firefighter friend shares his experience and I go, oh my God. So this happened today at this time and it literally aligned with what he went through.

Elke Poness: 36:51

And so I'm telling Brother Phil at work and he's like, oh, you have the gift of discernment, and so we kind of talk about it. I'm like, oh, okay, I always thought it was like clairvoyant I mean, for those of you that aren't religious, you could say clairvoyant or sixth sense, or sixth sense, whatever you want to say. Okay, all right, speaking of sixth sense, segue into my next story. So, speaking of family and feeling disconnected and wanting to be in touch and be aligned and be connected, I don't have my parents or my grandparents any longer. They're all deceased. The family I have are my Aunt Terri, my cousins, my daughter Brooklyn, my aunt Terri, my cousins, my daughter Brooklyn, my son Brandon, cousins I don't even talk to, don't even keep in touch other than through Facebook, and then my family in France that I just mentioned earlier and my brother Erik in Castro Valley, anyway. S peaking of discernment, I go to bed. One night Brooklyn was 10 and a half slept in the room with me at the time, in fact I think she slept in. I think she had outgrown her bed, so she was sleeping in the bed with me. Thank God I have a California king, anyway.

Elke Poness: 38:35

I used to keep my phone on my dresser across from me so that when my alarm went off in the morning, I had to get up out of bed, turn off my alarm. I'm awake, Because those of you that do use alarms whether it's a phone, alarm clock, whatever you use, you know, if you have it next to you, you'd just be hitting that snooze, right, unless you're super disciplined and you just jump up. Or maybe you're a morning person, I don't know. Anyway, I would purposely put my phone on my dresser closest to the window so that I had to get out of bed and go to turn the alarm off in the morning. And I remember laying down in bed going, ah, shoot, I left my ringer on. I was like talking to myself in my head going that's okay that you left the ringer on, because, remember, Brandon's kind of been going through some emotional stuff and he might need to call on you and you want to have the phone on so that you're available to take his call. He was going through some emotional stuff , you know, he had been leaning on me for comfort, advice, etc. I'm basically talking myself out of the fact that I don't need to turn my ringer off. I'm like, okay, yeah, I need to leave it on for that, it's fine. So go to sleep.

Elke Poness: 40:01

Well, the phone rings, it's after midnight and I sit up and I immediately say to myself, oh my God, something's wrong. And I remember that Brooklyn and I both woke up and this girl could sleep through a freaking tornado, hurricane, earthquake, like when this girl's out, she's out. I'm happy to say I am the proud parent where I trained, groomed my children well, in that I was like, oh, you're going to get used to noise, because my mom sorry, squirrel, my mom was the type of mom that was like shh, the baby's sleeping and so nobody could vacuum dust, talk, laugh, make any noise. I determined that because I was such a light sleeper and so I just thought, oh, my mom did this for me, so I have to train new system for my kids. I vacuumed, I had people over. Oh my gosh, we had parties in the living room when they were sleeping in the bedroom. I got them accustomed to noise so that they could sleep, no matter what.

Elke Poness: 41:33

So when the phone rang, interestingly enough we both and I immediately said I mean we both sat up in bed and gasped and I said, oh dear god, something's wrong. To the point where I was so scared of something's wrong that I was apprehensive getting out of the bed and going to the phone. I was so scared to go to the phone that I was literally tiptoeing to it because I was afraid of what I was going to see, of who was calling. Why they were calling. It wasn't even in my mind at that time like, oh, it's just Brandon calling for advice. It was something's wrong and that's why this person is calling me at this hour. And, mind you, it was a cell phone that had the information across the room, so it's not like I had a clock to see what time it was. I didn't know until I approached the phone.

Elke Poness: 42:36

As I got closer and closer and closer, it said mom's cell phone and I was like, oh shit, because this is 2011,. Guys, bear in mind we, at least she. She only used her cell phones for emergencies when she was on the road from Roseville coming to visit me. It would be hi, honey, there's a little bit of traffic. I'm just calling to let you know, but I can't be on my phone while I'm driving, so I'll see you at this time instead of this time. Okay, I love you, bye. Phone while I'm driving. I'll see you at this time instead of this time. Okay, I love you, bye. And so when I got to the phone and saw it was after 12 midnight, I'm like, uh, mom is not on the road driving anywhere at this hour. Something's wrong. All I saw was missed call, mom's cell phone. I'm sure all of you that are listening are like, oh well, she could have been calling about a family member or whatever. Whatever. I wasn't thinking any of these things, I just knew something was terribly wrong and I was scared to call back. Well, when I did, it was my two-year younger brother, Erik, who answered the phone and he said I'm calling you from mom's cell phone because we are at the hospital. Mom had a brain aneurysm and they don't anticipate that she's going to make it. Now let me share some thoughts with you. I was in shock, but not surprised.

Elke Poness: 44:52

Going back to the gift of discernment. Going back to the gift of discernment, a month earlier, late September, I was working a commission-based job. I had my best commission check ever and I decided that I was going to take the family out for an all-you-can-eat dinner sushi, everything was on me and we got our commission checks. Late September it's like 23rd, 24th, something like that, could have even been 25th, 20-something. Okay, so anyway, I get this check. I'm like biggest commission check ever had.

Elke Poness: 45:40

We're going to Roseville. I'm taking everyone for a sushi dinner me, my daughter, my mom, my brother and it's everything's. We're going to go out to dinner and while we're there, we will visit my grandma at the time, who also lived in Roseville, just a few minutes away from my mom. Okay, so here's where it gets interesting people. I make a plan Okay, we're all going to visit. We're going to have a girls weekend. After our dinner on Friday night, Saturday, we're going shopping with my mom, my daughter, my grandma. We're going to go to Charming Charlie's, a place that all of us had been wanting to go to together for generations and yada yada. So well, I show up at my mom's place and my brother's staying with her. So we can't stay there. We have to stay at my grandma's house nearby, but it's fine because it's like I don't know five, 10 minute drive away, so it's not far. We can still spend time with the family.

Elke Poness: 47:03

And we walk into my mom's house and my mom is sitting in one of the living room chairs, one of the living room chairs. Now I need to paint a picture for you. My mom was very prim and proper. My mom went to a Catholic school, Bishop O'Dowd. She was raised pretty strict upbringing. Her father was a policeman. My grandma was fairly strict. I mean, the woman was dressed to the nines when she would go out to dinner. You know in the 60s we're talking the satin gloves and all. So she was Miss Fancy Pants. Okay, if any of you know who Gina Davis is, she was a young Gina Davis lookalike.

Elke Poness: 48:01

I walk in and my mom is sitting in. It's not a lazy boy chair, it's just, you know, one of those chairs that you have that might match your couch, just like a living room chair, but she's sitting in it like a child. She's sitting in it sideways, hanging her legs over the arms of the chair. This is a 60-something-year-old woman, ladies and gents, and this is Miss Prim and Proper, and that's how she's sitting in the chair and that's what I walk into and I'm like, uh, what's going on with my mom? So that was my first clue. I remember my brother, Brooklyn and I we went on a walk and he was riding his bike and I was like, so what's up with mom? Why was she sitting in the chair like that? Oh, you know, no worries, I know, she's just a grouchy old lady these days. I'm like, okay, well. So then we go to sushi, a nice sit down napkin in your lap restaurant, and we all order our plates of food it's not buffet style and she is reaching over the table, over people's plates, across my plate, to get to things, and I'm like who are you and what have you done with my mom? And my brother proceeds to tell me oh yeah, she's just a grouchy old lady, no big thing, okay. The then the next Brooklyn day, brooklyn, myself, my grandma, my mom, we're all going to Charmin' Charlie's together. We want to go shopping for girly stuff, and they don't have a store like that around here. In fact, I don't even know if Charmin' Charlie's exists anymore, and if it does, I would love to find it because I love that. It was a color-coded store, like, okay, all the purses that are purple purses, sweaters, shoes, socks, jewelry you get the idea. It was all themed, color-themed, color-coordinated. So, oh, you just go over to the right-hand corner and if you're looking for the green, it's over in the left hand corner. You get my drift right.

Elke Poness: 50:39

go to this store and we're like Alice in Wonderland, charlie and the Chocolate Factory. We're just in awe, especially Brooklyn and I, because we've never been and I have money to spend, woohoo. So we're walking around the store and my mom is just being so childish, just exhibiting childlike behavior. Okay, so we get to the end, we all buy stuff and Brooklyn and my mom are in the car and my grandma and I are putting the bags in the trunk and I go.

Elke Poness: 51:25

So what's going on with mom? And she goes oh, you know, she's just become a grouchy old woman. That's just what it is. She's just become a grouchy old woman, that's just what it is. And then we get in the car and there's a moment where Brooklyn and I are sitting in the back seat and she wants to share her thought or idea with her grandma and her great-grandma. So she kind of pulls on the seat and leans forward like hey, can you turn up this song? And hey, grandma, do you like this song? And my mom proceeds to cover her ears and is shaking her head as if she were a child, going la, la, la, la, la la, if you can imagine that.

Elke Poness: 52:15

And again, I'm like there is something seriously wrong. Like this is not my 60 something year old mom. She doesn't behave this way. She's Miss Prim and proper. No elbows on the table, you chew gum. You chew gum with your mouth closed. You don't pop your gum, you don't blow bubbles. Yeah, she was that woman.

Elke Poness: 52:39

I'm trying to say to the family like something's not right, something's wrong. And everybody's just telling me no, she's just gotten grouchy in her old age. And I'm saying I don't think so, I think there's something wrong. Saying I don't think so, I think there's something wrong. But they're telling me we see her and talk to her all the time. You know, my brother lives with her, my grandma lives around the corner with her and they're like yeah, you don't know what you're talking about, you're just not around to know.

Elke Poness: 53:07

Okay, well, fast forward to Sunday, the day we're leaving, and my mom says oh, wait, before you go, I have something for you. And she pulls out this box of jewelry and she goes oh, before you leave, I want to give you this. I open it up and she goes it's no big deal, it's all costume jewelry, but it's stuff I won't wear and it's just been sitting in the box. So I figure, you know, I'll give it to you, you and Brooklyn, whatever do, do whatever you want with it, but I I don't use it, I'm not wearing it. And there were some pretty pieces in there. Even though it was costume, it was still nice jewelry. My mom had great taste and so I thought, okay, this is kind of weird that she's just randomly giving me this box of nice jewelry sets of, you know, silver earrings with the matching ring necklace, okay, and some of the stuff had come from Charming Charlie's. So that was the appeal was oh yeah, I bought some of these pieces at Charming Charlie's and some of them are sets and I bought them and I just don't wear them. I figured, oh, you and Brooklyn can have them.

Elke Poness: 54:24

Okay, so fast forward the call that I get from my brother. We're at the hospital. Mom had a brain aneurysm. They don't think she's going to make it. They're probably going to pull the plug. Do you and Brooklyn want to come and say your goodbyes? Okay, so, number one my daughter's ten and a half. She had already missed too much school. Number two it's after midnight and Roseville is not a rock stone throw away. It's two hour drive maybe, depending on traffic.

Elke Poness: 55:21

I go back to the weekend and our visit and the time that was spent, and during this time, because we could not stay with my mother and my brother, we stayed with my grandma, and so Brooklyn got to know her grandma closer, she got to know her better. During our visit my grandma had pulled out old photos of my mom as a teenager, when just all the different dances that she had gone to, you know, and back in those days my mom was born in 45. So back in those days, I mean their dances and proms were no joke. They were like formals too, especially compared to the kids today and the dresses they wear. So it was really neat to go through pictures and see another side to my grandma, where she was proud and showing us my mom's pictures. And you know, Brooklyn was getting closer to my grandma, so that was nice. When my brother asked me do you want to come and say your goodbyes before we do this? I said to myself, no, we said our goodbyes when we were there last and I'll be honest, I struggled with that one because I was thinking, oh my God, I'm not going to take my daughter to say goodbye to her grandma. But I remember what that was like for me. Gosh, now that I think about it, I feel like it was around the same age. I lost my nana, my nanny, and I was like 10 or 12. And I remember seeing her deceased before they were burying her and I just that was awful for me. It was pretty traumatic. I I wish I could unsee that. I obviously she looked beautiful and but that was. That was hard because I was close with her.

Elke Poness: 57:38

Number one, I didn't want to do that to Brooklyn. And number two, I felt in my heart that the way the visit went, we I took my mom and my family out to a wonderful dinner, even though my mom wasn't acting herself, and we got to spend quality time, you know, shopping together and at the end she gave her her jewelry to Brooklyn and I it's almost as if she knew something was wrong. And as she was giving me her jewelry, she's telling me oh you know, I'll see you when I come for my class reunion. Remember, you're going to do my makeup for me, because that's what I would do for her is. She would come to my place. If the reunion was somewhere in the area where you know I reside or nearby, she would come and I would do her makeup for her.

Elke Poness: 58:36

And so, as hard as it was for me and I'm getting emotional talking about it right now I said no, we said our goodbyes, and I just had to make peace with that. Even though it was a struggle for me. I had to decide that for Brooklyn and I had to decide that for myself, and it was a struggle, but I felt it was the right decision. And so I don't know if any of you have had any experiences with people dying or, you know, getting signs or anything like that. Uh, and my mom wasn't a warm and fuzzy, huggy, kissy mom until she got older and went to work for the Catholic Church. Anyway when all this transpired, my grandma called me and told me what had happened. And I have to tell you, the morning of when I knew they were going to do it talk about signs I turned on the TV in the morning I used to listen to the news while I would get ready and have my coffee and there was an advertisement for Barbara Streisand and her greatest hits.

Elke Poness: 1:00:20

And my mom loved Barbara Streisand. We used to watch her movies together. We used to sing her songs in the car. I bought her many, a CD or even cassette tape of Barbara. I mean, we used to sing her all the time.

Elke Poness: 1:00:36

I was like, oh my gosh, my mom is here. And then it was like, everywhere I looked in the apartment, she was there. I was like I have to go to work. I have to go to work Because I'm just sitting here and I felt like everything I looked at on the TV or heard or whatever reminded me. I went to work to take my mind off it and all my friends and coworkers were like what are you doing here? You're, you know today's the day of this to happen and you should be at home mourning the loss of your loved one. Yada, yada.

Elke Poness: 1:01:16

I was like, no, my mom would always tell me you go to work if you know, unless you're dying or dead, you go to work. And so I had that in my head. But also I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts and all these reminders. Well, when my grandma called to tell me I just lost it. I, she said, you're not supposed to outlive your kids. And I just lost it. My heart broke, for her and for myself.

Elke Poness: 1:01:43

And then reality set in. So after that troubling day, I went home because I couldn't pull myself together. After that I couldn't stop crying. I went home and that night I remember talking to my mom and I remember saying to her mom I I hope that you understand why we didn't come and say goodbye, why we didn't come when they were going to pull the plug. They had already told me that she was brain dead and if they she came out of it, she was going to be I don't even want to utter the words, but i'm'm sure that you know they were saying she's going to be brain dead, she's going to be a vegetable, she's going to be this. So if she does come out of it, she won't be the person that you know her to be, and I know miracles happen every day but this was one of those things where I was like, yeah, okay, this is what the family's decided and makes sense.

Elke Poness: 1:02:55

That night I went to bed and I was talking to my mom and I was basically saying, mom, I hope that you know that I love you, that you know that I love you, and that we felt that we said goodbye during our last visit when we saw you personally and we enjoyed that sushi meal with you and we went shopping with you. I just hope that you can show me a sign to let me know that you hear me, you see me, that you will be our guardian angel to watch over us and that you forgive us. And if any of you have seen the movie the Sixth Sense, it's with the boy Haley, something Olsen he's an adult now and Bruce Willis, and the boy is talking to Bruce Willis and talking about I see dead people. Anyway, great movie. This is very reminiscent of how things happened in that movie, in that, after I spoke to my mom and was talking to her and saying I hope you forgive me, I hope you understand, I love you.

Elke Poness: 1:04:26

If you do show me a sign, our bedroom went stone cold, dark to where it was, as if we were sleeping outside in a tent, in a cave. I mean stone cold, dark. I remember breathing and being able to see my breath, and it's literally like what you see in the movies, when there is a spirit or you know a presence. In that moment I breathed, I could see, see my breath, I felt the room cold and then I felt a presence and I figured okay, my mom is here, she heard what I said and she came and just lightly brushed me, as if to say I heard you, it's okay, you don't, you know, you have my forgiveness, even though you don't need it and then she left, and so I had a sense of peace, knowing that I did that and feeling as if she told me it's okay, I forgive you. While I was talking to her and having this conversation, one of the things that I was saying is mom, I hope that you can show me that we will feel your presence or see your presence. I hope you'll make it known somehow. Uh, maybe, like the saying says, pennies from heaven, maybe you'll send me pennies from heaven, and I used to walk every day on my lunch break and it was around the business park that I would walk, because I only got uh, I think I took 30 minutes to eat and 30 minutes to walk, I think it was and so, literally, I would walk through the business park and come back to the job and I would see pennies and coins on my walk path.

Elke Poness: 1:06:56

And, ladies and gentlemen, this was not a walk path that you would normally see these things. We're talking in a business park parking lot. I wasn't walking on the sidewalk. Sometimes it was on the back roads that you would take through the business lot. I mean, the fact that I would see coins on my walk path was just very unusual, to say the least.

Elke Poness: 1:07:22

And the defining moment for me was one day the kids and I are in Jack in the Box and we're having a good old time, laughing and whatever, enjoying our food. Whatever the case was, we were there enjoying our food and Brandon was with us too. Brandon and I look down and on the floor underneath our table is just a ton of change, as if somebody dropped their coin, purse or change purse or wallet or something. I mean, it was just a ton of change. And we both looked at each other and he didn't know my prayer and we started to cry. And then Brooklyn chimes in and is crying and is like why are we all crying? What's going on? What's going on? We'll come to find out. My son had made a similar plea about asking grandma to show him a sign that she was around, that she was watching over us and had used the expression of pennies from heaven, and so in that moment we all cried and hugged each other, but just embraced each other and then cried happy tears, feeling that she was there and around us and watching over us. This was a very good feeling.

Elke Poness: 1:08:59

So that is my other story about discernment. Is that I get a sense of feelings? Is that I get a sense of feelings for the people that I love, that are close to me, if something happens to them? It is not an everyday occurrence or a once-a-month occurrence. It happens very sporadically and randomly, but it usually is very much in line with what has happened. And so, ladies and gentlemen, I can tell you that I do believe there is a higher power, I do believe there is a God.

Elke Poness: 1:09:44

I do have a sense of peace about my mom going and us not saying goodbye. I was angry and hurt and frustrated at first because I was thinking to myself aneurysm, you have a headache for three days. This could have been prevented. I feel like if my family would have listened, I feel like those were the beginning stages, the signs of my mom's aneurysm, and I feel like you know, hindsight is 20-20. Like if they would have listened, if I would have pushed, if I have that, things might have ended up ended up differently. Unfortunately, as we all know, we cannot change the past or what has happened. We can only learn lessons from the things that happen to us right, lessons from the things that happened to us right.

Elke Poness: 1:10:54

I didn't mean to end things on a bad note, a negative note, a sad note, simply wanted all of you to know that I believe in a lot of different things. I believe in a lot of different things and I can take comfort and solace knowing that we had the chance to say goodbye to my mom when she was happy, enjoying a good meal and having fun shopping it gave me and my daughter an opportunity to grow closer with my grandma, who's now up there with my mom and the rest of the family other than, like I said, my aunt, my cousins. Yeah, I guess, when I think about all these things, it just reminds me that it's important to really tell the people that are in your life that you love, that you love them, that you appreciate them and don't take those days, minutes, hours, situations, circumstances for granted. So I'll end on this positive note and then give a shout out to my peoples.

Elke Poness: 1:12:24

July 17th is my birthday, july 17th, 1968. And my birthday, my most recent birthday, I had the gift of discernment that my friend Christine was not well. I woke up feeling that she was not well and it turned out she passed during the night of cancer. This is what I mean about the gift of discernment, clairvoyancy, whatever you want to call it. Anyway, I made a vow on my birthday that I would be intentional with my actions, with my words, that I would be mindful of how I move through life. The decisions make the words that I speak, and it is really showing me and teaching me that we can't take these things for granted because we just don't know what's going to happen. It's important to tell the people that are in our lives that we appreciate them, that we love them, that we love them, that they are missed and, yeah, I just feel that that's that's really important, that we do that.

Elke Poness: 1:13:41

On that note, let me say good night to all of you and my loyal listeners. I appreciate you tuning in and listening through this very long podcast. I hope it was entertaining and insightful for a mindful Monday All the things to be mindful of and I want to say thank you to my loyal subscribers Mike Kaufman, Jeff Parra, Lisa Roberts Curbelo, Kyle Phew, Dr Professor Guru Kyle, Jeff Parra, I need the dates of your Parrapalooza so I can share April 11th, April 15th, I don't know. Can you tell me? I want to be able to share it. I want people to know, I want them to show up for it.

Elke Poness: 1:14:35

Also, shout out to my loyal listeners Kara Kenfield or whatever it is you go by, kara the artiste. Kara has an awesome Etsy page that I want to share with you. Trying to get to it, sorry folks, it is lovemyartistetsycom dot etsycom, and she and Tom are not subscribers or sponsors, but I do like to share their talents because she they're both just multi-talented individuals in Colorado, have a love for cooking, singing, poetry, organizing great on the computer, so she has a lot of St Paddy's Day things out right now Poems, songs, keepsakes for a wedding, some awesome leather boots, some awesome leather boots and a phenomenal leather boot set with a it's a laptop bag, slash backpack, purse. I want these two things, Ugh. Purple, black and then zebra print my favorite things and real leather. Anyway, she does a lot of clever things. She is a whiz on the computer and creates all types of art cards, t-shirts, custom song video montages just a lot of cool things. So check out her etsy. It's. It's worth looking at and I always like to list the information in my podcast content as well lovemyartistetsycom.

Elke Poness: 1:16:53

And then we have Tom Guzik. I hope I've been pronouncing that correctly, Tom. If not, I sincerely apologize. Please correct me. So it's Kara Kitchel or Kara Kenfield, I never know which one it is. Uh, so Tom's artwork and things that he sells on his platform is more rustic lot of things out of wood, metal, steel, hanging art, a lot of cool things. And, bear with me, I'm trying to find his page here. It is minerspickstudios. etsy. com, and, like I said, his artwork is more rustic. The first thing that pops up on his page is this rustic decor of aspen trees. It's a lighted wall hanging real aspen bows from Colorado and it's just and it has. It gives like a 3D effect. It's really neat. Then he makes a lot of laser engraved decorations, from hanging tropical palm trees to dream catchers, to various different ornaments or an address sign. They both are just super talented, so I highly recommend them.

Elke Poness: 1:18:47

And then, of course, have zacky's sweet treats. And for those of you that are loyal listeners, Zach is a 21 year old autistic boy who is learning navigate life through baking, baking cookies and his website, www. zackysweettreats. com T,hey do like chocolate, chocolate chip , white chocolate chip, brownies, peanut butter too many to mention, guys. And I'm not sure if the autism code autism21 still gets you 20% off Uh, nicole, you'll have to let me know about this. But the cookies are phenomenal and you just go online and order. It's like $20 for a dozen. It's pretty good price.

Elke Poness: 1:19:52

And St Patrick's Day is coming up. If you have a birthday or an anniversary or you know somebody that loves cookies, know that they are baked with love. And this family is just amazing. He's an incredible 21-year-old boy that is just super talented and he and mom Nicole pour their love into these cookies and they are chef's kiss. Matter of fact, Nicole, hmm, I wouldn't mind signing up for those brownies we've been talking about. She sent me a shipment a while ago and I wanted to try the brownies and well, let's just say we forgot and yeah. But she still came through in a big way and sent a delectable package that I gifted Mr for Valentine's Day and shared some with my classmates. So they're definitely a hit.

Elke Poness: 1:20:55

Thank you to all my loyal listeners Travis Lemire,D ory, Miss Sameena, hopefully. Dr Cedric Stewart, arly Muser, Rain Burleson, Kara, Tom too many others to go down the list Parker, True, Kyle Phew. That's all I have for now, guys. Thank you for tuning in, thank you for listening, thank you for being a part of my passion project. I can't do it without you, and what I need even more are sponsors and subscribers. For as little as a cup of coffee, $3 up to $10. You can subscribe and be a monthly subscriber.

Elke Poness: 1:21:56

I give a shout out to your business, I talk about your business, I promote your business and anything that goes along with it. And, yes, I'm looking for sponsors so I can grow my podcast, get a camera, get a microphone, have guests. People can see me and hear me have conversations with the guest, but I need your help with this, so I hope that you will listen, like, share, follow. You can find me on every platform TikTok, instagram, Facebook. It's either Elkevate Podcast on Instagram or Elkevate your Life on Facebook. Elkevate your Life Podcast on Facebook, tiktok and all the other platforms I mentioned before Amazon Music, spotify, apple, youtube. You get the idea right. Thanks for tuning in. Ciao, for now.