When Trauma Hides In Plain Sight

It starts with a joyful rewind: a walkable Arizona weekend, back-to-back 25th birthdays, and a first-ever mother–daughter karaoke moment that finally happened. That light made space for a harder conversation we’ve needed to have—how trauma hides in plain sight, how grooming slowly tightens its grip, and why “just leave” misses the reality so many face behind closed doors.

We unpack the mechanics of control: love-bombing that becomes isolation, protectiveness that becomes surveillance, and finances that become a leash. I share how childhood patterns show up later, even after therapy and years of growth, and how triggers are not proof of failure but signals that a boundary is due. We talk about what empathy looks like in practice—listening without blame, safety planning without pressure, and offering real help instead of quick fixes. If you’ve wondered why smart, strong people stay, this conversation lays out the slow, careful architecture of manipulation and the courageous, non-linear paths out.

Along the way, there’s gratitude for the community that keeps this show going, a nod to the upcoming 100th episode, and an honest invitation to reflect. If you’re supporting someone in crisis, you’ll hear practical ways to show up: discreet resources, thoughtful questions, and steady presence. If you’re healing yourself, you’ll find language for boundaries, compassion for setbacks, and encouragement to keep building the life you deserve—one clear choice at a time.

If this resonated, tap follow on your favorite app, subscribe on YouTube, and share this episode with someone who needs a patient voice in their corner. Your ratings and comments help more people find a safe place to learn, heal, and be heard. What insight will you carry forward today?

Chapters

• 0:00 Warm Welcome And Arizona Trip
• 2:30 Birthday Celebrations And Night Out
• 4:05 Listener Shoutouts And Community Love
• 8:10 Hitting 100 Episodes And Life Updates
• 9:40 Turning To Trauma And Abuse
• 12:30 Why Victims Don’t “Just Leave”
• 16:10 Triggers, Boundaries, And Healing Work
• 18:30 Empathy Over Judgment
• 21:00 Closing Reflections And Ways To Support
• 24:00 Platforms, Feedback, And Next Steps

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:01

Oh, Chick Wow Wow. What's up, party people? Welcome to another episode of LKV Your Life. I am your hostess with the most desk. L is in the letter L and E as in the key to your heart. So how's everyone doing on this mindful Monday? I, as you know, was MIA. For those of you that don't know that acronym. Missing an action? I was MIA last week because I was in Arizona visiting my daughter. Checking out her new living situation. Spending time with her and her boyfriend, Jay. Um checking out Arizona. Turns out it's pretty nice there. And they live in a very walkable city. I haven't been to Arizona since I was a child, so not a lot of memory of it. At any rate, um we had a great time. We were there from Saturday to Thursday, and by we, I mean my husband and I were there from Saturday to Thursday, and my daughter is a December baby, as it is her best friend Carly. So celebrated the girls' 25th birthdays. And bear with me. I'm just now realizing that my parka vest is rubbing up against my microphone. So hopefully that's not causing too much feedback noise. Sorry about that. Anyway, went there to check out Arizona, visit my daughter and her boyfriend, see if we like it and if it's somewhere we would want to live or move, and celebrate the girls' birthdays, which we definitely did. Our first night was a real winner. We went out to karaoke. I got to karaoke out in public with my daughter for the first time. She's normally chickens out when it's her turn to sing, and this time she did not. Yeah, I guess I just threw you under the bus, Brooklyn. Sorry about that. It's not that she chickens out, it's that she's kind of a private person, and you know, it's just a little bit out of her comfort zone, but she did it. She kilt it. Um, we had a great time. After which time we went to a nightclub for some dancing. I don't even know the name of the nightclub, so I can't even drop some names of some places or anything. Um in all, I have to say, successful. Two thumbs up, 10 out of 10 vacation. Uh, got to do all the things we wanted to do, spend time with family, check out the city, do most of the things on the agenda, uh, except for one, um, which I'm told is going to be made up to me, Mister. Uh but yeah, it was a great time. So before I forget, I want to make sure I say thank you to all of my loyal listeners and subscribers. Lisa Roberts Corbello, thank you for being a loyal listener and subscriber. I really appreciate you. I hope you're doing well. Haven't seen you. Gosh, since the wine festival 80s party, what was that? September, October? Don't even remember. I just know it was before your November birthday. Thank you for being a loyal listener and subscriber. Moving on to Roger Haven. Thank you so much for being a loyal listener and subscriber. Really appreciate you. Roger, how are things? How is the plant growing, garden growing, cooking, baking, dance party? How is all of that going? Because we haven't run into each other, nor have I seen you out on the dance floor. Although it's been a minute for us, too. Thank you for being a loyal listener. Subscriber, appreciate you. Moving right along to Mike Kaufman. Mike Kaufman, thank you for being a loyal subscriber. Uh I want to say loyal listener, but sometimes it's a hit or a miss. But I appreciate you. Thank you. Uh, Angie Germer, thank you for being a loyal subscriber. To any of you that are looking to lose weight, improve your wellness, weight loss journey, energy. She's your girl. And Angie Germer's link can be found in my podcast description. Thrive Lavelle, Angie Germer. Next up, we have Kara, lovemyartist.y.com. And she is the talented Cara that has an awesome Etsy page with all kinds of things: paintings, pictures, clothing, boots, computer bags, leather bags. She has some really great leather items that I've been boasting and bragging and stalking, watching, observing, dying to get for how many years now, Cara? Um real leather. Great deals on some great things. And she also does all kinds of video montages for every occasion. So you should check out her page. Also, her link can be found in my podcast. God, I hope I covered everybody. Oh no, I didn't. Jeff Para, Namaste. I see Sprinter Life is treating you well, as well as a new person. I noticed in your recent posts. So happy for you. Glad things are going well in your world. And last but not least, we have Kyle Few. Dr. Kyle, as I refer to him. Kyle Few, who wrote the book Commitment to Love. Love is a verb. Been happily married to Amore for several years. His book can be found on Audible. And I always recommend to everyone to check it out and read it. Not just for getting into a relationship, but learning how to love yourself as well as your best friend, your partner, your sister, your brother, your family member, your children, whatever. It's a great, it's a great tool to have. So highly recommend. Hopefully, you're not hearing Chanel Bell snoring in the background. Also, I noticed throughout her older years that she's snoring louder and louder. And that would be my Pekinese shihtzu pug mix. She's having a heck of a time these days with her cushions. Um, laying on her mommy couch as we speak. I was gonna do the whole video thing, but I look a hot mess and she's not at her best. Uh, so I decided against it. But I do plan on coming back to the video platform, and especially because my hundredth episode is right around the corner, ladies and gents. I'm very proud of that. Uh, I've been as consistent as I can be, other than when my health or autoimmuse system got me down, or when I go on vacation. So thank you. Thank you for being loyal listeners. Uh, shout out to Dory and Travis and all of you others that listen but maybe cannot comment on social media. Andrew, thank you for being a loyal listener as well. So, a lot of things come to mind about tonight's episode, and one that is in the forefront of my mind is that um trauma and abuse. And this is it's a touchy subject. I hope I don't start crying. Um, but I feel the need to touch on it because uh I've been surrounded by people, places, things where it has impacted me, and I feel that it's something important to speak on. And basically, what I wanted to share, which many of you may not be aware of, is that a lot of times in our adulthood we will repeat those cycles unknowingly. And even if we've worked on ourselves, uh, I'll use myself as an example, as a lot of you know, if you are loyal listeners, that I grew up in a very unhealthy household. Love my mom, my brother, not trying to speak ill of them. Um, mom, God rest your soul. She was she was a great single mom. She was strong, she was motivated, self-motivated, she was smart as a whip. Um the downfalls of that relationship that I see now through going through counseling and reading books about your inner child of the past and just working on healing those things is a lot of times we bring the things that happened in our childhood into our adulthood unknowingly. And I bring this up, like I said, because a lot of things have been brought to the forefront um in friendships, relationships that I've been around or observed or given advice about. Um, and what I want to share with you is that even though we work on ourselves, read about it, learn about it, go to counseling, sometimes things slip through the cracks and something could happen. And your current existing relationship with your partner or whatever may bring up some things that happened in your past that you thought you had healed from, it might be triggering, and it may be hard or difficult for other people in your life to understand these struggles. And a perfect example is uh if any of you watch Netflix and you've seen the Puff Daddy Sean Combs documentary, they talk about a lot of different things in that. And uh, I recognized something, and that's what made me want to talk about this this evening, aside from it being in my face these days, whether it's a friend, a coworker, a cousin, a colleague, um you know, a neighbor, whatever. Um, I don't want to name any names or point any fingers, but what I realized after watching that documentary is that when the jurors were talking about the victims, they were saying, Oh, yeah, well, when this and that happens to you, if it's that bad, why don't you leave? Just leave. Like, why do you stay? Well, I'll tell you why. When you become a victim and you are in that victim mentality, it's not so easy to get out because you've been groomed, you have been um intimidated, you've been emotionally manipulated to where you are scared to leave. And being scared to leave, a lot of people don't understand. When you become a victim in the victim mindset, a lot of people don't understand why people that are abused can't leave. And it's because they've been conditioned to stay, they're afraid to leave, they don't have the means to leave because they've been groomed and conditioned and emotionally manipulated to think that there isn't a way out, and a lot of times this happens very subtly, very slowly. It's a slow burn, it's not as if these things happen right away to where you're going, well, this person is so smart, why don't they just leave? Well, it's not that they don't want to, it's not that they can't, it's that sometimes they're afraid of what the consequences will be if they do. And the grooming and the manipulation, the emotional manipulation, all of those things they happen slowly and carefully over time. So that those people, as much as they want to leave, they have a fear of leaving. They don't know how to leave, they don't know how to go about that, or maybe they're stuck because of a financial reason, or because they've been conditioned to think, oh, you're not good enough, you're not going to be able to go anywhere, get a job, have friends. Um, and I just felt like that was something really important to share because it's easy to be on the outside looking in and go, well, if things are so bad, why don't you just leave? And you're stupid if you stay. Trust me, that's part of the reason why there's shame and humiliation and doubt, and it just compiles with all of the other feelings of the grooming and the emotional manipulation. So I felt like that was something really important to share, especially because another situation was brought to my attention last night, and it just made me realize of situations that I've been in growing up, um exposed to and how it can impact you and your relationship, but also the people that you're close to may not understand and they may want to shame you or insult you or degrade you or and so it just makes it harder for the person in that situation because they feel that everyone is sort of against them, and even if they find their way out that they don't have a support system, and it's not to say that I don't understand those other perspectives, but because I have been on the other side of it, I've lived it, I've yeah, I can speak about it personally, and it's not pretty, it's not pretty for the person that's in this situation or the family members that love you and care about you. So my advice on this mindful Monday would be to educate yourself on what this person is going through and try to have empathy. Maybe even look up some information for yourself so that you can speak intelligently and from the heart to your friend, neighbor, family member, coworker, whomever is going through this challenging situation, instead of just saying, Well, why don't you just leave? I mean, just you know, pack your bags and go. Well, perhaps you should look at the entire situation and educate yourself on what this person had to go through and endure. And that while what you're saying sounds like a great solution, it may not be so easy for them. There might be retaliation, there might be fear, there might be intimidation, emotional manipulation, there might be a lot of things that are tied to that. So I just want to encourage you out there to educate yourself on these things if you are unaware of it, if you didn't grow up around it. Unfortunately, I did grow up in that type of household where there were a lot of unhealthy behaviors. And while I know I've done a lot of work on myself, there have been things that have come up in my adulthood that I've said, this is not okay. I need to exercise a boundary here. And oh, this is very triggering and reminiscent of how you know my mom spoke to me, or my aunt, uncle, cousin, you know, whomever. Um so I just wanted to offer a little bit of insight about that because, like I said, I watched it in the Netflix show, and a friend of mine um brought some information to me last night. And I don't know, I just feel like it's been something that's kind of been all around me, and I wanted to bring some awareness that things are not always as easy as they seem, they're not always so black and white, and it's not to say that, oh, we're the victims, feel bad for us, feel sorry for us, and we don't have a way out. Poor me. It's not that. I just want to encourage you to look at all the facts and the person and educate yourself on what they're sharing with you so that you can respond in a more tender, heartfelt way, and offer ideas or solutions or support instead of criticism because they're already in a vulnerable place. So that is my mindful Monday, ladies and gents. Thank you for tuning in, thank you for listening. Sorry that it was such a heavy topic, but because you know, I always tend to talk about things that are prevalent in my life that are brought to my front doorstep or brought to me in various different ways, whether it be social media, TV, friends, family, colleagues, neighbors, whatever. And I just felt like it was something that needed to be talked about, that needed to be talked about, and just to share another side of things for people to think about that it's not always so black and white and cut and dry. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Appreciate you. Um looking forward to our next episode, Wisdom Wellness Wednesday. Hopefully, it won't be such a heavy topic. Um, but I hope those of you that are out there listening take something from this and think or approach things differently if someone you know is struggling with something I just talked about, and that you try a different approach, try to be more mindful and a little, you know, give them grace and yeah. So want to say thank you again to all my loyal listeners and all of my loyal subscribers. If you do choose to like andor subscribe, I am promoting my YouTube channel currently, so all you have to do is click the thumbs up button to like it and subscribe to subscribe throughout all the platforms. It's generally free. I'm on YouTube, Apple, Spotify, Amazon Music, Podcaster, Deezer, Pod Chaser, and several other platforms out there. You can also find me on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. And I even post a lot of my pods on Nextdoor or even LinkedIn. Um, so I appreciate you. Be sure to like. If you like it, be sure to comment. Your comments help me to grow and be better and have other ideas on what to speak on or what your thoughts or opinions are on today's episode. And yeah, just want to encourage you all to do that. And if you don't agree with me, that's okay. I am developing a thicker skin as this process goes. Um, but if you do, I mean, either way, it's helpful for me to hear your comments, your thoughts, your opinions. And again, thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Ciao for now.