Elkevate Your Life
Welcome to Elkevate, the podcast where real talk meets heartfelt advice. I'm Elke, often called "Mama Elke" by those around me. With years of experience lending a listening ear to friends, family, and even complete strangers, I’ve created a space where you can find comfort and wisdom.
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Elkevate Your Life
Birthdays, Breadcrumbs, and Breaking the Ghosting Cycle
Elke and Sarah delve into birthday celebrations, dating insights, and relationship wisdom following listener feedback on modern dating challenges.
• Elke hosted a rave-themed joint birthday party that reminded her not to place expectations on others
• Sarah celebrated her 30th birthday wine tasting in Napa with family, visiting Del Dotto and Peju wineries
• Listeners across different generations shared similar desires in relationships: mutual attraction, honesty, and loyalty
• Communication and compatibility emerge as the "two C's" essential for successful relationships
• Financial responsibility in dating should be shared, with both parties contributing in their own ways
• Sarah discusses moving on from someone who didn't acknowledge her birthday
• The conversation explores the harmful effects of ghosting and the importance of honest communication
• The hosts share upcoming singles events and different ways to meet potential partners
• Dating intentionally for what you want rather than settling for situationships is emphasized
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Bow, chicka, wow, wow, what's up? Party people, thank you for tuning in to another episode of Elkivate your Life. I am your hostess, with the mostess L as in the letter L and key as in the key to your heart, and we are here on this Wisdom Wellness Wednesday. Of course, I have my co-host, chanel, chilling like a villain on my lap and, please, everyone, welcome back, sarah. Hello, thank you for coming back and joining us.
Speaker 2:Yes, have to come back and touch up on some things last time and give a rundown of our birthdays.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, exactly. Okay, well, let's get into it. So tell me about your birthday festivities. I know there was like wine tasting or something. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm sad we couldn't spend our birthdays together this year, but I did spend my 30th with my family in Napa. We went to some um pretty fun wineries Del Dotto and this one called Peju, oh nice, yeah, I've never been. I've never been wine tasting out there, so it was really interesting. I mean, we did the tours where they teach you, like, um the different oaks that they use, what to taste and everything like that. So it was a really unique experience. But, um, it was a very fulfilling weekend, long but it was fulfilling.
Speaker 1:How nice, yeah, what did you think about the whole? Okay, smell this, taste this, spit it out, um all that. But anyway, I know there's no wine wasting here. Right, right, yeah, no, not here.
Speaker 2:But I mean, I really like, I think that I probably enjoyed wine more this trip than I ever have. But I will say like by you know, saturday I'm like kind of over the wine Even though I did a little wine tasting on Monday.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it's kind of a lot Because like it's their wine to me is just like a rich flavor in general and like it could be set by itself or with meals. So it's not um something that's like to go out and like you know you're going out on the dance floor too much or anything so yeah, I'll be honest, my first wine tasting experience is kind of a blur.
Speaker 1:I went with my girlfriends and I was like, yeah, gung ho, try all the wines. And the next thing I know I remember getting out of the van with my wine glass and I woke up to Brooklyn feeding me some kind of food. Because I came home and puked my guts out and like puked in rally. I was like now I'm hungry, yeah.
Speaker 2:They. They're kind of strict and not, but they don't really overpour you, which is, I mean, a good thing, especially if you're going to more than one winery but that is most of them include food or have like charcuterie boards.
Speaker 2:So, like the first one, we ended with a pizza which was good because we hadn't eaten this morning. So we were like feeling pretty good, uh, by that pizza. But yeah, most of them like have snacks and stuff but they don't overpour, I would say Because, like I feel like sometimes I'm a little tipsy after wine tasting, right Like looking for important stuff, absolutely, especially if you are a wine connoisseur like we.
Speaker 1:Are where we want to try all of them, right?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, okay, how was your birthday?
Speaker 1:So my birthday was good. We had a joint birthday me and the mister at Wise Girls in Pleasant Hill. It was a rave theme. Most of the people showed up in rave attire to the best of their ability Because, remember, we're like Gen X, so all of them are like what the heck is rave what is rave theme. I literally had to send pictures, samples.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just send samples of the house From our favorite show, Summer House, right?
Speaker 1:So I sent a variety of pictures, told them they could find it on Amazon. I'm happy to report that the majority followed the instructions. They're like I got this off Amazon. I'm like yes, I've seen that fit before.
Speaker 2:Honestly, it's a little bit of like 60s-inspired outfits.
Speaker 1:I was saying it's kind of I go, it's retro, it's like disco, it's glamorous, it's sexy, it's bright, it's colorful, it's fun, like if you just put all those things together. You know. So I feel like you know um, so I I feel like you know they.
Speaker 2:They followed the assignment, they listened to the assignment and they did the best they could and you guys had fun we.
Speaker 1:We had fun, we definitely danced, the band celebrated us, so it felt cards and gifts and note to self and this is quoting you, travis Travis Lemire. So he says when you don't put expectations on people, you will be pleasantly surprised by what you get. And so this was the first year that I invited a bunch of people. I'm like they're just going to show up people. I'm like they're just gonna show up. I'm not expecting gifts, cards, and for the first time I received, by not expecting, so it was a pleasant surprise, like literally heartfelt things from people that I wouldn't have expected. So that was sweet yeah, that was really.
Speaker 1:That was really heartwarming and touching. So, yeah, definitely a good time. And then, when we went out with friends afterwards to dance and, um, listen to a great live band in fact, uh, shout out to marshall we sent a clip of the song he always sings in karaoke. This band was singing his song and they were killing it. So I was like this is for you, marshall, I'll send you a little clip to say thank you for helping with little Chanel. He came and, like helped with the walking. So, yeah, it was good, it was good.
Speaker 2:Good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, successful birthday weekend. Yes, exactly, exactly. It went by too fast. So of course I know we got to find somebody else we can celebrate like. Is there somebody shout out to all you july birthdays, our cancer peeps? I did shout out to zay. I sent him a birthday message and he said we have to get food soon yes, happy birthday. We should plan that. We should plan that. So did you have a chance to look over all of the comments? Yes, feedback that we got from last episode.
Speaker 2:That was amazing. Really appreciate it. Everyone um really love um everyone dropping in their comments. It really helped give us perspective and like kind of navigate some feedback and even hear other people's perspectives on what we were talking about during last week's episode.
Speaker 1:I agree. I have to say it was interesting to read from the men's perspective, from like millennial to baby boomer, that they were all saying like I just want to find somebody. It was like simple things, right, like a mutual attraction, somebody who's fun and honest and loyal, and it seems like the simplest list but the hardest thing to find. And they were kind of asking our advice and I'm like so what is your take on it?
Speaker 2:What is your advice?
Speaker 1:No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2:I mean, I definitely, like I was telling Elkie, I think you know, reading through all of these comments, one thing that's you know, the same for all generations in this eating pool is we all want compatibility and that doesn't seem to be such the easiest thing to find. But I definitely think it's about how you approach things on both ends. Um, you know, if you, if you go on a date and you realize, you know you don't see yourself with that person like, it's okay to communicate that to them and like not ghost them. Yeah, if you really like somebody and you feel like you really hit it off, like communicate that as well, because I mean, you never know like, because compatibility could be end up being just like a friend sometimes if you don't get to that right point. But I think there's so many steps.
Speaker 1:I think that's great advice, especially because we are in this world of ghosting, right? People don't want to talk about their feelings. They're like, oh, it wasn't Okay, bye, and I think it's so helpful. If the person goes, I go back to this movie, ellen Barkin and Al Pacino Sea of Love I think it was called, and I respected the hell out of her when she said this in this date and it's relevant to this Is she's on a date with Al Pacino and she's like I'm just not feeling it and he's like wait, we just ordered drinks, like we, we're still getting to know each other, you know, and she goes. If there's not a spark right away, she goes. I don't even waste my time. I'm like I kind of respected and admired that she right.
Speaker 2:She was like very upfront and honest and well, I also have heard that like ghosting does like a mental number on somebody too, cause they really I mean, if you're talking to them for a little bit and something happens and you don't know why, like you don't know if that person like got into an accident or like anything like that, and then they just ghost. But I don't know how people have the confidence to do that because, like I'm trying to ghost right now, I'm just kidding, but if I ever tried to at last like maybe a day like I just feel so bad right, we have a yeah, yes yes, no, but yeah I, communication goes along with compatibility, I agree.
Speaker 1:I agree. Yes, communication and compatibility, yeah, those are like hey, the two C's of what needs to happen. And then I wanted to go to one of our other comments, which was and you know what I just want to touch on this. And you know what I just want to touch on this. So one of the things I liked is that, for the most part, men just want you to hear this that the women were like I think it's great for the man to be chivalrous and pay, but I also think it's okay to go Dutch, or the woman to help. I'll be honest, I've been the one to like oh, you're going to pay, I'll take care of the tip, or, if you buy, dinner, I'll buy the movie.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Like take turns and share in the responsibility. I think that that makes it more comfortable and maybe puts the man at ease, that I pay for one thing you pay for.
Speaker 2:Or like yeah, Even if it's like um, you know he buys dinner and you get the ice cream.
Speaker 1:Right, still the effort, right. Obviously it's a little cheaper, as it should be, I agree. Yeah, you buy dinner, I'll buy dessert.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I also think there goes like a note to like what kind of dating you want to do. You know what I mean, yes, Like are you intentionally dating for what you actually want, or are you kind of like I want this, but you're like in a situationship you know what I mean. Like are your actions intentional for what you are looking for, because obviously that's not gonna just fall out of the sky.
Speaker 1:That's a great point. Yeah, because there are those people that are serial daters right, that are just out dating without intentions.
Speaker 2:Yeah, love bombing, everybody look yeah giving breadcrumbs, spreading the breadcrumbs, all around for others oh, yeah, okay and okay.
Speaker 1:So have you given any more thought to the whole? I'm getting there, yeah, getting there.
Speaker 2:I mean he, um, I don't think he listens to this, but he didn't even tell me happy birthday. What, yeah, like on my birthday, no. He said it the day before, but I was like, okay, like my birthday is tomorrow, like we've known each other for the last five years, like you know what my birthday is.
Speaker 2:Right, right, yeah. Nothing Like, not even a call. So I was just like you know what your birthday every year with him is gonna look like this if you continue this, and I don't want my birthday to look like that, like I was just so enjoying the time with my family that I was like maybe this is the lead that I need to do, because it's also like you know, it doesn't help your confidence if you put up with stuff like that right like yeah right.
Speaker 2:So I kind of was joking about the ghosting, but I kind of don't right. Well, I don't blame you, I oh yeah, well, I mean, it's just like little things, like because, like you know, I, I like I understand people can be selfish, like I'm selfish, like I don't have kids, I'm not married, but like also um things like that, like you should be selfish on I think those.
Speaker 1:That's something that you really have to be intentional with, like I and you and I are kind of the same in that way, like okay, it's great that you're going to wish me before, but if you don't do it, the day of I'm in my feels Like a phone call. Yeah, something to acknowledge your special day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and like his, birthday's this week, so so then I'm like do I get the same energy like I'm done? Well, I'm doing a girl's camping trip this weekend, so that's even better that I'll be like away.
Speaker 2:Oh okay, yeah, we're just going like on the coast somewhere just on saturday, just sunday night uh-huh, that sounds like fun. Yeah, well, um, so my two like close friends, um, their birthdays were like all of our birthdays were like the last like four months, Right, but we weren't really able to do much to like I mean, but we wanted to do a little fun trip, Like nothing too expensive but something that we could all just enjoy like together. That sounds like a good time. The first weekend was right after my birthday, but I'm like, okay, I'm going for another weekend, but it's okay.
Speaker 2:That'll be fun though.
Speaker 1:And the weather's supposed to warm up towards mid to end week.
Speaker 2:So I think that'll be a good time for you guys to go. We're going to be on the coast, so I feel like it's going to be freezing, but it'll be good because it will. But I'm like also we're just too old for this, like right in general, like we're past the day age excuse me of college like I think you need to be kind of more intentional with even your situation, like communication and like respect in general for one another.
Speaker 1:So 100% holding myself back yeah, lessons to be learned, fellas remember our special days, the birthday especially.
Speaker 1:I mean for me that's like that's a no-brainer right. I guess you could do it, mister, would be an appropriate talk. Oh my god, yes, even my son knows too, he. I, you know, I get the happy birthday, mom, I love you and you know what. I'll take it because there's some people that don't remember. Our friend Damien did not remember to text me happy birthday until after he goes. This message was literally sitting in my inbox because I was like dude, I just helped you clean your place and move and no, and I don't get a birthday wish. And Mr Got a birthday wish, like I thought we were friends, and he goes. Oh my God, I totally he was like this is.
Speaker 2:It's a national holiday.
Speaker 1:I told you I don't no filter, elkie, like, hey, I'm telling you my feelings, there will be no questions here. I'm going to communicate how I feel about things. Well, I don't want to take up too much of our podcast time, but do you have any additional insight that you could share, since you're, you know, going out with the single peeps that are meeting people online? Any new tea to spill?
Speaker 2:Well, I will hopefully have feedback soon. Okay, I think I'm going to start because, like all weekend, my mom and family were like we're taking pictures for your dating app because like my aunt's single now like oh and the last few years she's become single, and so she's ready to date too, so I think we're probably gonna rip the band-aids off together oh, that's awesome support.
Speaker 2:I'm just gonna start doing like, because I'm also trying to like not do so much of the bar scene but like the dinner scene, yeah. So kind of just like go out for abs and a cocktail and like mingle that way.
Speaker 1:Right, right, that's a good starting point.
Speaker 2:So we're just going to see how the rest of summer goes Like. I'm going to Colorado in a month for that concert, so I feel like that'll be a good option.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, Okay, as. Oh my God Okay. As we're speaking about this, I have to tell you my friend just tagged me in something. Today You're going to be camping, but maybe it'll be nearby. It's a singles event that she tagged me in. It's in the city. I'll share the info with you it's at Blondie's Bar. Okay, so it's at Blondie's Bar and I have all the deets and I was kind of thinking I should go to do my homework and do like yes, interview, interview yeah, I was kind of thinking about it, but I'm like Sunday's gonna be the hottest day.
Speaker 1:I want to be out in the sun but I'm like I don't know, maybe well, I don't know.
Speaker 2:We're gonna go to blondies and do some research.
Speaker 1:I think we should. I think it is. I'm like it was meant for me to get this message. This girl never tags me in anything and all of a sudden she tagged me. So I'm like, was she listening to my pod and just tagged me in this one? It was so random, yeah, and it literally popped up today. So I'm like I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something here, like we, we gotta go, we gotta get, got to go and get the intel, we got to get the inside scoop from all the different. Yeah, because they won't be shy.
Speaker 2:Right, and they're all going to be out there looking so, and then we can talk about like how interesting it would be, you know, here the city's perspective versus, like our, you know, living in the East Bay, where it's not as yeah, different yeah, different environments, I agree yes, yeah, so you'll have to let me know where's the camping, maybe we can link up like bring a change of clothes and we'll link up there three hours north.
Speaker 1:But yeah, now it's making me want to find it so I can tell everybody. I feel like I should tell my fans. We should tell our fans where this event is.
Speaker 1:If you're ready to mingle singles event held at Blondie's on Sunday. Oh, I know what I could do. I could look up her page really quick. She, the girl that's putting this on. I have to say this is a pretty interesting story. So she was happily engaged and her fiance passed away and so she's starting over and that's why she's kind of doing these things, getting back involved, because we should have her on. Know, I know I I'm trying to find the post right now. I'm like where is it?
Speaker 2:okay, well, I'm not finding the comments all the details we need to yeah, when I saw this, I was like why?
Speaker 1:why is this showing up? This is so weird that it just popped up out of the blue, because we follow each other. But yeah, I thought it was pretty interesting and, of course, now that I want to find it, I'm not finding it. Okay, well, guys, it's on. It's at Blondie's on Sunday. Look up Blondie's bar in San Francisco. It said it's a singles event and, um, I know it's on Sunday. The only thing I don't know is the times. Are you trying to find it?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm going to look it up real quick. Yeah, this might be a good, you know something good for the people that, oh, I found it. Okay, I found it.
Speaker 2:You heard that singles music.
Speaker 1:Okay, here we go. You heard that singles music Okay here we go. Singles Day Party. Join us for the first Singles Day Party at Blondie's Bar and SF. Two to five, everyone's invited. That looks like fun. I think it could be fun. I think we should. You should bring the girls.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll continue to look, but I mean after camping and no shower likely, I'm probably not going to see that. I know we can look at some like even the first Thursdays. There's only like one more left in the city. That would be fun.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, I used to love going to the first Thursday.
Speaker 2:So I just want to start slowly just doing regular events, and then I'll probably get there right because, like I'm confident when I'm out.
Speaker 1:So once you are a hundred percent practicing, that sarah again.
Speaker 1:Um, we'll be back in the swing, I'm sure well, I can't wait to hear how this is gonna go, how the story will unfold. I mean, if nothing else, like we talked about, you go out and you meet people, and if you don't connect with that person, what if you end up connecting with their best friend, which I have to tell you happened to my friend, mary Jane. Shrek Shout out to Mary Jane. So she went out with this guy and she was like, oh my God, he's the worst. He like, like, smelled like smoke, like he was not her type at all, and so he called his best friend to come and she thought that was so rude. She ended up marrying the best friend. Okay, the best friend was the knight in shining armor that came and rescued her for the from the disaster date.
Speaker 2:She ended up liking him, dating him engaged opposites attract, when it comes to best friends too, so like if you don't stand one of them right, right but it's also that person needs to be like open, like if I'm not a match with her, maybe like another single friend is, and being right to that right. You know we all like setting people up and finding love that.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly, I agree. Okay, well, I think we should wrap this up. So shout out to our listeners and followers. Thank you, cara of love. My artist, etsycom. I appreciate all your artwork, your website and eventually I'm going to be buying those boots and that matching laptop bag. It's only four or five, hundo, I can do it. Uh, shout out to Angie. Angie Germer with Thrive Lavelle, all of these people. So Angie loses weight through Thrive Lavelle. It basically supplements all of the nutritional gaps. It's all natural. So you can find all of these links in my podcast. Thank you, mike Kaufman, for being a loyal subscriber. Thank you, lisa Roberts Curbelo. Hey, maybe I'll see you tonight at Concert in the Park. There's Concert in the Park tonight that we're going to at Bankhead Theater. Shout out to Kyle Few. Commitment to Love. Love is a Verb. Yeah, maybe I should gift you that book. It's in Audible. You can get it on Amazon.
Speaker 2:It's only a few bucks, I'll take a listen.
Speaker 1:It's really it's actually anybody. I recommend anybody read it because it's about loving yourself and how you can love others by learning to love yourself. I think everyone can benefit from reading this, listening to it, and let's see Jeff Potter Namaste. Maybe I'll see you out in the town. I think that's everybody. Oh, shout out to Roger. Roger, I'm still waiting on that peach cobbler. He made peach cobbler. He is my favorite gardener and he posted it and I'm like do you make deliveries Because I love peach cobbler? That looks like something I would and could eat. Yeah, exactly, I'm like if Mike's in the area, you know, hey, hey, if he's in your area, I might ask him to pop by and get a little cobbler to go, okay, well, thank you so much for coming on again, sarah. I think we have a good thing going. I think we need to, you know a lot of people.
Speaker 2:I will make guest appearances yes, the next one.
Speaker 1:We have to be on video, not just audio, so everyone can see how pretty you are because, all of the men were asking oh, she sounds pretty hot no like I'm like okay, settle down there. I'll see if you're sarah worthy, I'll be the judge um any finishing thoughts just thank you for all the positive feedback for Elkie and this podcast.
Speaker 2:It's really an important platform for her, so I love supporting her and appreciate everyone that's supporting her as well.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Thank you for that. Yes, everyone, please remember to like subscribe share. I'm on all the platforms. I'm building my YouTube right now, but you can find me on subscribe share. I'm on all the platforms. I'm building my YouTube right now, but you can find me on Apple, spotify, amazon Music all of the popular, all of the popular, and I would love to hear your feedback. We would love to hear your feedback. Thank you for tuning in, thank you for listening and ciao for now.
