The Ghosting Phenomenon: Why People Disappear

Why do people ghost? What does it reveal about modern communication and our emotional lives? In this deeply personal exploration, I dive into the psychology behind one of dating's most frustrating phenomena.

Ghosting typically reveals something significant—either about the ghoster's emotional maturity or about the relationship dynamics at play. As someone who's experienced both sides of ghosting, I share honest insights about when it might be justified (in toxic situations where boundaries aren't respected) and when it's simply an avoidance strategy from someone unwilling to engage in difficult conversations.

The most valuable approach after being ghosted is balanced reflection. I guide listeners through examining both their own actions and the other person's patterns, helping you find closure even when it wasn't provided. This exploration isn't just about dating disappointments—it's about developing emotional intelligence that serves all your relationships.

Whether you've been ghosted, done the ghosting, or watched friends navigate these painful disappearing acts, this episode offers compassionate perspective without judgment. Listen to understand the psychology behind modern relationship challenges and discover how to approach dating with greater awareness. Share your ghosting stories and insights—I'd love to hear your experiences and what you've learned from them!

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Elkivate Your Life
• 3:10 Exploring the Phenomenon of Ghosting
• 9:29 Sponsor Spotlight: Persimmon Dental
• 11:59 Shoutouts to Loyal Listeners
• 17:29 Art & Business Recommendations
• 21:04 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Bow, chicka, wow, wow, good evening friends, welcome to another episode of Elkivate your Life. My name is El, as in the letter L, and Ki, as in the key to your heart, and it is Wisdom Wellness. Wednesday, may 14th. First off, didn't really hear back about everyone's Mother's Day. I guess my moms out there haven't had a chance to respond or share or elaborate on their Mother's Day, so that's okay, that's fine. I did mention that last week I went to the show Chicago at the California Theater in Pittsburgh. That was kind of a pre-Mother's Day gift to myself. Went with my friend Sue. It was a great time. Her daughter was in the show. I mentioned that it's only going on for one more weekend this Friday, saturday and Sunday, so I hope you have the opportunity to go and see the show Chicago. Well worth it, a great time, an entertaining show and it's a local event for anybody that's looking for something to do, especially because it's not going to be a beautiful sunny weekend to be out and about not really. Anyway, let's get into it.

Speaker 1: 1:46

I have had some feedback from my previous podcast and shout out to my listeners and subscribers Thank you for your comments and your feedback. I really appreciate it. So I am working with a few of my loyal listeners, one being my friend, roger, who is seeking advice and you know out in the dating world and has overcome numerous challenges, challenges throughout his life and basically has been telling me, sharing his dating experiences. So thank you for your questions and your feedback, roger. I really appreciate it because it has caused me to look at my own life and my own experiences and talk about something that it that's. I love it when I hear from other people and I go, oh, I thought it was only happening to me. So this is another topic where it's not only happening to me, it's happening to several others.

Speaker 1: 3:05

And well, one of the things is ghosting. What is up with ghosting? What is the reason for it? What are your thoughts behind it? Are you in favor of it? Do you think it's okay to ghost or be ghosted? Do you? What are your thoughts around it? So here's what I will tell you Ghosting is a form. It is usually because people don't have the emotional maturity or that they are an avoidant and they are not great with confrontation. They are not great with communication, great with communication, and so it's so much easier to ghost somebody if you are dating or in a relationship.

Speaker 1: 4:13

Now, there definitely are exceptions to the rules, and I will briefly touch on that, which is if you're ghosting somebody, that, let's say, you're early on in your dating phase and this situation feels unhealthy or toxic to you right, like this person doesn't listen or respect your boundaries, or they don't create a comfortable space, then it's possible that you're going to want to ghost them Because you're like. I already tried talking to them, I already said I need to have a comfortable space to be able to talk about my feelings and they're not respecting that. Well, if that's the case, then is it justifiable? Sure, if it's an unhealthy situation and you have tried other avenues and it has fallen on deaf ears, then yes. If you are in a relationship with a person and things are not going as planned and that person just wakes up one day and goes you know what, I can't do this anymore? And they just decide to ghost you, block you, erase you from their memory bank and any sort of communication that you could have with this person, whether it be social media communication that you could have with this person, whether it be social media, email, telephone number, whatever. I think it's really good for us to look at that situation and go what is the lesson here? Is the lesson that I didn't respect their boundaries and or I didn't create a comfortable space? Or is it the other person? Decided to ghost you because they're an avoidant person? Decided to ghost you because they're an avoidant? They're an avoidant of communication or confrontation or feelings, and that is their way of manipulating or controlling the situation. So I want all of you to consider all of those factors before you jump to the conclusion.

Speaker 1: 6:58

I definitely have experienced this in my own life and my own personal relationships and I could definitely see where it could have been warranted, where it was an unhealthy relationship, situationship, datingship, whatever you want to call it friendship then I could see it was warranted. If you tried the whole, okay, let's talk about this. You know I'm feeling unheard or unseen or I'd like to share my feelings and if your communication has fallen on block, ghost whatever. Okay, understood, but is it okay to ghost somebody where you are in a friendship with? Or you know you are in a relationship and you are a communicator and maybe things did not go as planned over a certain situation or an exchange, something that happened between you? It's good to look at the other person's actions, but it's also good for us to look at our own right. One of the things I really pride myself on is the fact that I will say what is the lesson here, what is my part in this, what did I say, what did I do to warrant this behavior or this experience? And so look inwardly, be introspective and also look at the other person's actions. That's what I have to say about the whole ghosting thing. I do want to make sure I thank my subscribers and my sponsors.

Speaker 1: 9:31

Shout out to Persimmon Dental in Persimmon Plaza, located in Dublin. Family dentistry, wonderful staff, always greeted with a warm greeting, you know, a friendly hello and just feeling like you are, like family, and I have been going to them for gosh over oh, my gosh, I want to say 10 years, and they've just always been gentle, kind, fair, receptive, welcoming all of the things that I could ask for, to the point where I've referred friends and family to them. So shout out to Persimmon Dental If you have dental needs and you are in the local area. They're located, like I said, in Dublin, in the Persimmon Plaza, in the Persimmon Plaza, and they will work with you if you have, you know, a last minute concern or something. They definitely always try to get you in and accommodate you.

Speaker 1: 10:48

So Persimmon Dental Care just highly recommend I love Dr Lam. He's always been so helpful and so fair, especially when it comes to you know, major dental work. Like, am I really gonna need this? So they're located at 5281 Martinelli Way in Dublin and if you do decide to go with them, make sure you use the hashtag Elkivate. Their hours, monday through Friday, are 9 am to 6 pm, so I feel like that's really good hours. I mean 9 am to 6 pm. That gives you plenty of time to get in with them. So, persimmon Dental Care, thank you to you and your staff. Appreciate you.

Speaker 1: 11:46

Also, to all of my subscribers, mike Kaufman, thank you for being a loyal subscriber and listening to my pods and commenting, sending feedback, sharing your feedback. Even if he's too busy and we don't get a chance to talk about the pods, he'll make it a point to go and share his feedback on one of the platforms. You are given the option to write a text or send a text and he will share his feedback on the pod, whether it's the audio or the video. So thank you, mike Hoffman. Lisa Roberts Curbelo Great girlfriend. So busy I don't get comments or feedback, but when I bump into her in passing, when we're out at our local watering hole or restaurant, she'll tell me oh, I listened to it and thank you for mentioning me and I'm happy to support you. She shares her feedback in person.

Speaker 1: 12:50

Kyle Few, dr Kyle, professor Kyle few Dr Kyle, professor Kyle, as I often refer to him, put out the book Commitment to Love. Love is a Verb can be found on Audible. Ladies and gents, I often refer to his book because it is. It goes into all of the different layers of love is a verb commitment to love. What does that mean? What does it look like? What does it look like when you're in a partnership, relationship, friendship, you know, family, friends, yourself, self-love. There's so many different layers to his book and pretty much anyone I speak to whether you are single in a relationship, have kids, parents, whatever you can use this information to apply to your own personal relationship. So it's been very helpful.

Speaker 1: 13:59

Quick, little fun story A couple weeks ago Mr came back from his business trip and I had been telling him about the book and telling him it would be really helpful to us and our relationship and him and his relationship with family members, etc. And he came back from his business trip. We sat down at the dinner table and he goes OK, commitment to love. Love is a verb Number one, resentment. You know he was just hitting all the bullet points of things that were relative and relevant for him and so for someone that doesn't care for reading unless it's social media or sports stats and it was a great, it actually resonated with him, so it was super helpful. So thank you, mister, for taking the time to listen to it and make note of that.

Speaker 1: 15:26

Jeff Pata Pata Palooza, totally appreciate you and your insight to anytime I have a struggle or a thought or anything. He always has great advice for me and is always super helpful. When it comes to me having a question, I can always count on him to be just honest about thoughts, feelings, opinions, how to handle a certain situation. He will give it to me straight and I really appreciate that about him. So shout out to Jeff Parra and, as always, namaste Kara Kenfield. Kara shout out to Kara has been super busy with her new job. Kara shout out to Kara has been super busy with her new job. Hasn't really had an opportunity to share much feedback in the way of the pods, although she will make it a point to say I loved this. Thank you for this, thanks for mentioning my business, our business, etc. So I want to give a shout out to Kara.

Speaker 1: 16:45

Her business is lovemyartistetsycom and she is a talented artist that is great about catering to your needs. She writes poems about catering to your needs. She writes poems. She creates video ballads that include a song and it could be for an anniversary, it could be for a birthday. She will take all of your images and put them into lyrics and create this sort of video audio montage. That has been a huge hit for people celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, stuff like that. Her clothing line and her artwork takes great pride in and is just super talented Painting, poetry, singing. I mean, what can this woman not do? Anyway, check out her website, lovemyartistetsycom, and then her partner, tom Guzik, minerspickstudiosetsycom. His artwork is a more rustic approach. He does rustic artwork, 3d looking artwork that you could put up on your wall. Also, ornaments, various different ornaments themed around holidays. Both of them super talented in different ways. Highly recommend them. Shout out to Kara and Tom.

Speaker 1: 18:33

Thank you so much for making the time to listen, because they're both busy from sunup to sundown, from sunup to sundown and I think that pretty much covers it. Shout out to all my loyal listeners and followers Thank you so much for sharing your feedback, your comments. Travis Lemire always shares his insight and thoughts and opinions and he's another Taurus Aries that is very direct to the point, offers great perspective on various different communication, astrology relationships, feedback about my podcast, how I can improve, and he is an avid podcast listener so I do take heed to the advice he offers. So thank you, travis, and shout out to all of my other loyal listeners Dory Iman, adam Parker, oh my gosh, keisha Sue, I mean the list. I would be here all night, guys, if I continued to list everybody. So I'm just listing the ones that come to mind off the top of my head Barry Lenore, roger, thank you for listening.

Speaker 1: 20:13

Thank you for sharing your feedback, your comments, your questions. They have been very helpful, not only in my podcast, but also have been very helpful not only in my podcast but also in addressing just about community and camaraderie and just knowing, oh my gosh, I'm not the only one that got ghosted or dumped or left for dead or dismissed or whatever. So I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on ghosting. What's been your experience? What are your thoughts around this? Do you think it is healthy to ghost people and, if so, why? And also, how do you justify it and who do you ghost and what are your reasons for it? Or what has been your experience on the other side of it, on actually being ghosted, and the feelings that you know revolve around that the feeling of being ghosted when you are in a relationship and you thought you had a good communication with this person or people.

Speaker 1: 21:59

As I always like to ask, please be sure to like, follow, comment, share. It helps the algorithm and you know if you like or even don't like, that's helpful feedback for me to be better and improve. Be better and improve and yeah, I mean good feedback and negative feedback. I am getting more and more thick skinned about hearing people's thoughts and insight and comments. It helps me to become better and, at the end of the day, I'm here for all of you. So you're given an option.

Speaker 1: 22:55

It says send in a text. On almost all the platforms you can find me on Apple, spotify, amazon Music, buzzsprout, youtube, and please take the time to send in a text and share your thoughts with me. Oh, and shout out to Danae, who also listens. Thank you so much. I hope that you are doing well, danae, and that you have gotten the answers that you are looking for. I think that covers it. Thank you all for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Have a wonderful weekend.

Speaker 1: 23:40

It's Wisdom Wellness Wednesday. So what did you take away from this? Well, hopefully you took away some insight into ghosting and what it feels like to be on the receiving end, and or what are your reasons for ghosting? Would love to hear your thoughts. So remember, like, follow, share, elkivate your Life on YouTube, spotify, apple, buzzsprout, amazon Music.

Speaker 1: 24:15

I do want to encourage you that, if you do listen to me on one of these many platforms that I've mentioned, that you take the time to rate it and share your thoughts and opinions. I know, on Spotify, it gives you the option to rate an episode and comment. Same with YouTube, same with Buzzsprout. I haven't heard. I haven't heard. Sorry. You know what I just misspoke. I told you on Spotify. Spotify doesn't necessarily offer the rating information or comment information, but Apple Podcasts, youtube, buzzsprout, amazon Music those platforms do offer you the option to rate, like, subscribe, comment, share your feedback. So I think that's it. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. I hope all of this information was helpful to all of you out there and I will look forward to your comments, your questions, your feedback. And yeah, I think that's it. Enjoy your weekend and ciao for now.