What Do Your Boundaries Say About You

One skipped goodnight is easy to shrug off. Two starts to sting. And when it becomes a pattern, it can flip a relationship question from “Are we just busy?” to “Am I being ignored?” I’m picking up the thread from Monday’s conversation on small neglect and getting honest about what those little moments can signal when you’re the one left feeling unseen or unheard. 

I walk through a simple but loaded scenario: you bring up something that matters to you, your partner says they hear you and will reflect, then the next day they leave without a kiss goodbye and claim they forgot. We talk about what to do with that information, how to tell the difference between a one-off mistake and consistent emotional neglect, and why follow-through is the real measure of care. I also share how I think about this differently depending on the relationship stage, from dating to living together to marriage where vows add weight but don’t erase your needs. 

From there, we get practical about boundaries, communication, and deal breakers. I’m not offering a cookie-cutter fix, because relationships are complex, but I am naming what helps: clear asks, consistent standards, and solutions both people are willing to work on, including couples therapy when it makes sense. There’s also some real-life catching up along the way, from Cinco de Mayo favorites to the end-of-school-year energy at a middle school. 

If you’ve ever wondered whether “small” neglect is actually big, listen through and then come tell me your take. Like,Subscribe, share the show with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations.

Transcript

Welcome And Weekly Rhythm

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Oh what's up, party people? Thank you for tuning in to another episode of LQVJ or Life. I'm your hostess with the most S. L is in the letter L and key as in the key to your heart. Well, today is Wisdom Wellness Wednesday, May 6th. And I want to thank you all for tuning in. Thank you for joining us. If you're joining us for the first time, thank you for tuning in. Uh I am your hostess with the Mostess, as I just mentioned. Mondays we talk about mindful Mondays and things to be mindful of. And Wednesdays, I usually try to share some sort of wisdom. And last Monday's mindfulness, which by the way, thank you to my loyal listeners who did chime in and respond.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Um, oh gosh, bear with me. I'm about to sneeze. Sorry about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Uh so last two days ago, Monday's episode, what does small neglect say about love? And my loyal listeners commented uh there's one from Bag seventy nine. Small neglect only matters when you're not happy in the relationship.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Point blank period. Wait, small neglect only matters when you're not happy in the relationship. Point blank period.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Shouldn't it be small neglect matters when you're happy in the relationship? I'm not sure. Um bags, if you could help me out with that one, I'd appreciate it. Also, uh feedback from another listener. I'm so excited you got accepted to be a guest on the whatever podcast. Congratulations. I'm happy to donate what I can towards your trip because you have to make it happen.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Thank you, Ronda Taylor.

The Goodnight And Goodbye Scenario

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Uh Andrew Mendoza for Cinco de Mayo. Sometimes I would go out and buy tacos from a Mexican restaurant. You didn't name which one. Oh, one of my favorite taco places is Tacos El Gordo. Okay, I guess I lied. You did name one. Thank you so much, Andrew. I appreciate it. And then he says, I am so happy to hear that you're a guest on a dating podcast. Well, thank you for the comments. I wish there were more to read, but there is not. Uh, but to the ones that commented, thank you. I appreciate you, and I appreciate the feedback. Uh so just to continue on that particular episode, what does small neglect say about love? Uh we are still kind of on that topic, even though it is wisdom wellness Wednesday, because I posed questions to you about what would you do if your partner didn't say goodnight to you because they were there was a situation that occurred earlier on.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

And yeah, they decided not to for whatever reason.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

And then the next day you brought it to their attention and had a conversation with them about, you know, this is important to me. Uh, I don't I don't want to go to bed like this. And that person said, okay, I hear you, I'll do some thinking and self-reflecting, yada yada. Fast forward the next morning that person leaves for work and doesn't kiss you goodbye and tells you they forgot. I don't know about all of you, but I certainly wouldn't forget to say goodbye to my partner, significant other, loved one, whatever the case may be, in a hurry or not. I that's just me. I'm just speaking for myself right now.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

So moving right along into Wisdom Wellness Wednesday reflecting on what if the patterns continue? What if you are still feeling unseen, unheard? What do you do with that information?

SPEAKER_01 5:35

And the question I propose to the audience from these scenarios is like, obviously, it depends if you're in a boyfriend, girlfriend situationship, or partnership, or girlfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, significant other, engaged.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

What if you're married? What if you're married and these things continue to happen? What do you do with that information?

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Do you give them a pass and just like move on? Or basically this is a part two of Monday's conversation.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

And the reason it's a part two is because the patterns and behavior are still consistent with what happened. Well, I can tell you in my case for me, because I took a vow for better or worse, for richer or poorer, sickness and health till death death to us part, I would want to take all the necessary steps to find better solutions to these challenges. But also the other party involved has to be willing as well, right? Because a relationship cannot carry on its own with just one partner doing all the work. Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

And yes, I I guess I'm I'm thinking out loud with all of you in hopes that you will offer some ideas and suggestions. And maybe you've been in this situation, maybe you have advice, maybe you say, well, you know, my husband and or my wife and I, we go to therapy and we talk through this, and it helps me to understand him or her.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Um yeah. I would very much to hear love to hear your perspective on this dilemma.

Boundaries, Needs, And Deal Breakers

SPEAKER_01 8:24

I do realize that relationships are complex and there's no cookie-cutter solution for each different relationship because everyone is everyone is different.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Everyone handles things differently.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

And I guess what I am trying to talk about here is something that I always talk about in several of my episodes, and that is boundaries. Uh, make sure that you are exercising and implementing your boundaries. Um make sure that you are very clear with conviction and communication about your needs and your wants, your needs, your deal breakers.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

And maybe at this point you reevaluate that relationship, you revisit with the person about, you know, what is a relationship look like to you? Is it, you know, what's expected of each other, and maybe revisit that.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

Um but yes, I would love to hear all of the different perspectives from the single person to the dating person to the inner relationship, living with a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, domestic partner, girlfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, whatever the case may be.

Cinco De Mayo Check In

SPEAKER_00 10:26

I would love to hear your thoughts on all of this. Um, by the way, I forgot to ask about your Cinco de Mayo.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

How was everyone's Cinco de Mayo? As you heard, Andrew likes to go for tacos, which Andrew, you and I are not so different. I would have loved to go for tacos. El Pollo Loco is one of my personal favorites, and I usually get the crispy chicken tacos. I think you can get two for the price of, I don't know, two for a good price, and they have delicious churros, and yeah, that that tends to be my go-to. Um, although it wasn't this year, and I certainly didn't have margaritas because of my condition. Uh, although I've never really been a margarita person, I've been more of a daiquiri person. So, yeah, I would love to know what everybody did if you went out for Cinco de Mayo, if you went for drinks, food, salsa dancing, drinking, eating. What'd you do? What did you enjoy? What did you not enjoy?

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Hopefully you didn't drink too much and pay for it the next day.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

In other news, um, as most of you know, I work as a special education aide for a middle school, local middle school, and we are approaching the final days. We have about like 19 days left, and I have to tell you, spring fever is a thing. Spring fever is in the air.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

I always notice how much the kids love to get into things.

Subscriber Shoutouts And Commitment To Love

SPEAKER_01 12:39

It's as if they have an itch they can't scratch. Um, so they get very anxious about being finished with school and starting summer break, and plus, we're doing CASP testing, so there's a lot going on there. Anyway, to all of my loyal listeners, thank you for being a loyal listener. I appreciate your loyalty.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Want to make sure I give a shout out to my subscribers, Mike Kaufman, Lisa Roberts Corbello, Jeff Para, Roger Haven, Kyle Few, and Angie Germer.

Santa Barbara Trip Support And Closing

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Thank you for being loyal listeners, um, or at least loyal subscribers. I don't even know if you're loyal listeners, quite frankly, because I haven't seen any comments from any of you in a while. Um shout out to my girl Angie, who just had surgery, so she has a good reason not to be on the phone or on the computer commenting. She's probably resting and healing. As for Lisa Roberts Corbello, I know you're working your butt off and taking care of your family and your daughter. So shout out to you, Lisa, Jeff Potta. Haven't really seen you on the social media platforms lately. Hope you're doing well, enjoying your retirement, traveling, seeing sites, watching sports, all the good things. And Kyle Phew, last week talked, you were moving, so I'm not sure if that is still happening. Um, and happy belated birthday to you, my friend. Uh, Kyle and I go way back. We're practically family. I shouldn't even say friend, I should say happy birthday, my family. Um, because we've known each other a very long time. And shout out to him and his book, Commitment to Love. Love is a verb. More of us should really read that book, read it, know it, learn it, internalize it, apply it. Uh, it's available on Amazon via Audible. And yeah. A great read. Anyway, that's all I have for you tonight on this Wisdom Wellness Wednesday. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Um, Roger, I hope you'll come back to me. I saw that I lost you, but I hope that you'll come back and join us, not just as a listener, but as uh someone who shares their feedback. I I appreciate your feedback. Um Travel Samira, thank you for being a loyal listener and offering insight and feedback whenever I ask. And to all of the rest of you, Dory, everyone else, I hope that you are enjoying your week. And it's all downhill from here, right? So until next Mindful Monday, thanks for tuning in, thanks for listening. Oh, by the way, so I mentioned that I've been invited to the whatever podcast. It's in Santa Barbara, and I am well basically I'm looking for people that may be interested in helping me to get to Santa Barbara. Um, it would be at least a day and a night venture because the recording time is eight hours on a Sunday. Um, as Santa Barbara is not exactly close to me. So I am looking for people that want to donate towards this cause to help me get there for food, for lodging, gas, um, whatever. If you're interested in sponsoring or anything, yes, I have Zell, yes, I have Venmo. If you shoot me a comment through however we communicate, whether it's through the podcast platform or social media or via text, I would love to hear from you, and it would be a great honor if you were willing to help with my cause. On that note, just want to remind you after you listen, please remember to click that like button, the thumbs up button, and remember to comment. It helps the algorithm, which in turn helps me. So thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Until next time, everyone. Ciao for now.